Joined: Mar 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 242 Karma: 0
taking things personally « Thread Started on Nov 7, 2009, 2:41pm »
I hav e had a problem with this my whole life..taking things personally. I think it had to do with my alcoholic paents showing favoritism to siblings. My mother favored my older brother and my dad thought my younger sis could do no harm.
So my whole life I tried to compete and took it quite personally when I was slighted.
One of my jobshas people who attend and I get paid by how many show up. When I see that the other lady has 45 on Tuesday and I only have 36 on Thursday I want to pout. It's nto because of the money...it's because it makes me feel like memebrs like HER better than they do me. I totally take it personally. As if it has nothign to do with the day or time being convenient or not to the memebrs.
For a whiel I used a q-tip as an acronym and anchor to remind me
Quit Takin It Personally
I've also tried to remind meyself..it's nto abtou ME. It's abotu what works for the other person.
But I still get discouraged abotu it all and take it personally.
Do any of you also take things personallY? If so, how do you deal with it?
Re: taking things personally « Reply #1 on Nov 8, 2009, 8:14am »
Have loved your QTIP since I first heard you say it Lin. I can so identify. If they are talking, they are talking about me. It is such a self-centered belief and I can still think that way, especially when you walk in a room and everything goes quiet.
So often, I had to realize it was my son's disease speaking at me rather than my son sharing with me.
It was a real learning experience to realize that people often project their thoughs onto others and that I didn't always have to take them on. I found this particularly true in relationships. I don't know how it is done, but found myself people pleasing and doing things I didn't want to do, and reacting to things that I would not normally do or in a way that wasn't truly me.
The thing that helped me the most was finding out who I was and walking my talk. I think it is a very codependent trait and one that I have to keep working on and turning over to my Higher Power.
Do any of you also take things personally? If so, how do you deal with it?
I don't often have a problem with this, but every now and then I do get my "little feelers" hurt and generally I will go off by myself and sulk a little.
For the most part, I don't have any self esteem problems and really don't give a fig, what other people say or think about me.
I am not the competitive type..... Life is a gift not a competition!
I was the "middle one" of three girls growing up, as a child I felt like the baby got all the attention and the older sister liked to boss me around. As an adult, I bring none of this into our relationships today. I used to watch the Smothers Brother's TV show and the younger brother always saying Mom always liked you best..... It always seemed silly to me to go back into history and rehash old problems. I have enough on my plate today to worry about the childish feuds we had.
I have learned to stop taking things personally (Q-TIP) I am not a Super Star and don't have to compete with anyone unless I choose to. I don't need other people to feed my ego! I know I am a good person and always give anything I do in life my best effort. I don't have to be first, I just have to finish.... I don't have to be rich, just enough to live and have peace of mind.... I don't have to be the best, I'll take an honorable mention! ODAT....
Joined: Mar 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 242 Karma: 0
Re: taking things personally « Reply #3 on Nov 10, 2009, 2:11am »
Thanks for both replies.
SG you mentioned competition. I am very much a competitor in all areas of my life. and perhaps thet is why I get my hackles up wihen somebody gets attention they don't deserve and I may feel I did deserve it.
I try to post on here as much as I can....especially heart shares like this one. But you know what? I jsut realized I even do less of that because there have been times I posted and nobody replied for over a week so I figured what I said was not even worth a reply to the readers. So I cut back. It's me. I need to remind myself..it's not always about ME. Others may not relate to what I posted. Others may be jstu as busy in life as I am.
Fear looks back-Worry looks around-Faith Looks Up!!!
Joined: Nov 2003 Gender: Female Posts: 4,654 Karma: 2
Re: taking things personally « Reply #4 on Nov 10, 2009, 9:30am »
Mornin Lin...
I can soooooo relate to your thoughts on posting on the boards. I have made it a point to cut back on "cut & paste" shares and when I take the time to put a heart felt share and no one responds, is frustrating! Like you, I do take it personally, but this board is not all about ME, it's about US. As you said, not everyone can relate to a post! I have discovered just writing it down and getting it out helps me immensely.
In your original post you asked, "Do any of you also take things personally? If so, how do you deal with it? It took me a day to realize that YES, I have felt that way and needed to reply. Don't want to puff you up but I really appreciate it when you share your ESH.......
Re: taking things personally « Reply #6 on Nov 10, 2009, 11:07am »
Sounds like we all have some Q-Tips that need healing. I felt the same way, often left some of your posts unanswered for a while Lin because you seldom shared, and when you did, I didn't want it to get lost in the shuffle.
I have been told that it doesn't look good for my name to be all over the boards, so often when I would like to share, I hold back because I don't like being accused of being full of ego. I don't post here to have my name in print, I share because the feeling and thoughts are or where there. Because I don't often sleep, suffer from chronic pain, I have a continual battle with those feelings.
Have always like endorsement, acknowledgement and affirmation because it was something I felt that I never received. Thanks to recovery, I have been able to let go of the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. I just try to go with the flow. If the thought is there, I go with it. If a special passage speaks to me, I try to share it.
It doesn't matter what the source, my Higher Power speaks to me many ways. In the past, because so few people share, I went to cut and paste. Yet these are often, meditations from recovery books. They were prnted to give me pause for thought and self-reflection.
My head isn't so full of itself that I come up with ideas all by myself and often it is only by reading a daily meditation which gives me a message that I find something to share. Sometimes I put on the blanket of denial and refuse to look at it and think, it doesn't apply to me and yet so often I am led back to it until I receive the message.
This is a 'We" program and without you, there is no me. Me alone with me means that there is no one to disagree with me, no one to tell me when I am off tract, no one to tell me that my perspective is off, no one to tell me that I am on the right path, no one to share with me that I am healing, getting better and that I am heaven forbid! Normal!
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but I really appreciate it