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Post by SunnyGirl on Apr 7, 2013 14:58:43 GMT -5
I can remember vividly my first on-line Alanon meeting.... The topic was denial! I was so sure of my addicted loved ones denial, they were sure they were not alcoholics because they could quit (go on the wagon) anytime they wanted to, they just didn't want to. My denial was not so easy to accept.
I felt like I was only helping my loved ones, it was my job as a mother to "fix" my broken children. I put them in rehabs, drove them to see their therapist, picked up all the messes, paid the rent, bought them groceries... But still felt like this was my solemn duty as a Mother!
With reading, listening to others share in meetings, I finally decide maybe I was just a little too helpful. But recovery finally forced me to be completely honest with myself and to accept my part in the insanity I called life. I realized that I was getting in God's way and needed to work on myself and stop worrying about their addictions.
This is where I began to change..... I did waffle back and forth for a while, but when I really got serious about working the steps I did change. Recovery is a process, but the process can't begin unless I accept my part. Denial kept me in a constant state of panic and acceptance gave me the peace and serenity I so very much needed.
Please share your thoughts....
Peace on the journey, SG
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Post by Lin on Apr 8, 2013 10:43:36 GMT -5
Wonderful post. My first meeting was on the serenity prayer. (f2f meeting) I don't remember what my first online one was though) they always say "you remember your FIRST"....rofl
Denial...I remember a time when my dad was admitted to a local hospital due to his alcoholism. He was telling my mom he was on a certain floor that was just for the alcoholics. He loved it! He was a social person and loved to talk. This floor you had your meals in a big room and had no TV in your room. If you wanted to watch TV you had to come to the big room and watch with others. It was the perfect room for him. But my mom was outraged. HOW DARE they put you in her with those alcoholics! SHe was totally in denial that he was right where he needed to be. She said he has a drinking problem....he is NOT an alcoholic! The other denial was she was right there with him in the addiction. I have heard it said we ignore the elephant in the middle of the living room. They did that with each other. But the 4 kids KNEW things were not right. We were not sure what it was called but we knew we never wanted to bring friends over.
I think once I got into recovery was when I realized I also was in denial. I was indenial that I had any part in my own unhappiness. ONce I figured that out and was able to step back from focusing on others and focus on my own actions, attitudes and words, I finally was able to get better.
Great post! LIN
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Post by BW on Apr 8, 2013 11:38:44 GMT -5
Great topic
DENIAL
Don't Even Know I Am Lying
And it is a veeeeery real part of our disease...... no matter what that disease is. Honesty and acceptance are the keys to that steel cage that houses that denial. For me that takes willingness to pick up the keys and use use them in the lock.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in How It Works even before the steps tells us there is one who has all power...that one is God may you find Him NOW...." To me that is really quite astonishing and extremely important and I have to be honest...it took a very long time for me to see and realize the importance of that line before the steps.
That is crucial to openmindedness and willingness and all the other things in order to break thru the denail process 'cuz i really am very thick headed and a very slow learner as i have mentioned before
No wonder they say "MORE WILL BE REVEALED" and it truly is very much like the peeling away of the layers of an onion...the more I peel the more there is...and the more I learn the more I don't know
I sure am grateful I still have a few brain cells left so I can keep on growing and learning...and of course fluttering
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Post by SunnyGirl on Apr 9, 2013 0:42:21 GMT -5
Thank you Lin and BW for sharing!
It never fails, I always learn from reading your replies......
When I first heard the saying:
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt"
It hit me like a slap in the face! I used denial in so many parts of my life, sometimes small things and at times bigger area's where it was important for me to speak up and be honest in my part in an argument or tough situations.
I literally created so many problems in my own life by not stepping up and being truthful. Today, I am so grateful to all of the 12-step programs and for recovery friends that are honest and willing to step up and not sugar coat the process. Yes in deed, "more will be revealed" and some- times when we least expect it.
Peace on the journey, SG
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 10, 2015 15:48:01 GMT -5
My parents died as a result of their denial. I stayed sick for many years as a result of mine. I was in recovery for two years and still didn't want to admit to being an alcoholic, even though I knew I was an addict.
I didn't realize that as an adult child of an alcoholic/addict, I was just as sick as the As in my life and had my own addiction(s), my own defects of character, shortcomings, and spiritual, mental, emotional dis-ease.
I was so busy pointing the finger at them, that I forgot that I had those three fingers coming back at me. It got to a stage where I got to where I thought, "If you can't beat them, join them; yet I wouldn't be there if it wasn't for them." I couldn't stand to be there if I wasn't drunk too.
I am not an alcoholic, I can't stand beer, the smell or the taste. You can take away the alcohol, just don't take away my Coca-Cola. You take away my Coke and God help your soul. It was my first addiction. Self-justification made me right and you wrong. Denial makes me blind, deaf and dumb.
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 11, 2019 0:13:22 GMT -5
A big remember when reading this. So much denial until I could admit that I used alcohol like I used everything else in my life. I used it the same as an alcoholic does, that stuff that hits bottom and makes me thing, "Ahhhhhhhh." So glad I don't have to go there in today.
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