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Post by Lin on Oct 7, 2014 6:52:23 GMT -5
When I was early in the program I read a slogan someplace and have used it alot. "Feel---Deal___Heal!"
I have to allow myself to feel my feelings. For years I stuffed them. I was told things like"Don't you dare cry or I will give you something to really cry about" Also when I voiced my opinion I was told my opinion did not matter. They were in charge and they had the final say on everything. Sp ;learning to FEEL again took some work.
Often these feelings were unpleasant. I had to learn to DEAL with them. I had to search myself to see what part I have in it. I have to see what I can do to change the situation and deal with it. Only then can I start to HEAL.
I am a visual learner so I cam up with a visual for this. I call it SPLINTER. If you get a splinter in your hand and leave it there it will get red. It will swell. It will hurt and turn red. If you dig it out , it will also hurt to dig it out. But you have to do that digging before the hand can heal.
That really brings the concept home to me!
LIN
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 9, 2014 7:38:04 GMT -5
Really like this Lin, thanks for sharing. I can so identify. Like you I had lots of splinters. What we sometimes don't realize is that when the scar of the splinter heals, there is often something deeper that needs healing, it is often not just skin deep. That digging can go quite deep.
I had those same old tapes, along with a few of my own. "What made you think we wanted to hear your opinion. What made you think your opinion counted. I was told my tear were a weapon and not to use them on him, and many more that don't come to mind at the moment."
They all add up to one thing, "hurt" and when they all add up, it makes a big one that just takes one more that triggers them all and we blow. We don''t know that we have the power to heal and change our lives and we don't need that other person in our life to 'fix' us, we can 'be' on our own, no matter what their decisions are.
I too didn't feel, didn't know what to call it because I couldn't identify it, because I had stuffed it and ignored it, and had to learn to acknowledge it, recognize it, and name it for what it truly was.
Great topic! I don't know if I ever heard of it put that way.
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Post by Lin on Oct 12, 2014 11:53:58 GMT -5
Glad you liked it. I have used it many times over the years since I have been in recovery.
I had no idea how to handle feelings of any kind because I had stuffed all of them for so many years.
LIN
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 2, 2017 1:58:05 GMT -5
Thanks Lin, I stuffed for many years and used many things to stuff. I think cigarettes were the worst, especially when added to pills and alcohol, along with that one I always had to have after I ate.
I couldn't identify my feelings, all I seemed to feel was hurt and fear, and not always recognizing them for what they where and why I was hurt or fearful.
As they say, "If you don't deal with the issues that bring you to the doors of recovery, they can take you back out if you are not willing to deal with them.
It is often a hurtful experience, but as that horrible slogan says, "No pain, no gain."
I have to bring those secrets from the dark to the light. We are only as sick as our secrets.
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Post by caressa222 on Jan 17, 2020 0:51:36 GMT -5
Thanks ladies for sharing.
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