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Post by SaraLee on Nov 30, 2003 7:35:09 GMT -5
Al Anon tells us that if we want to change bad habits and compulsive behavier, we can't do it alone by resolving or promising ourselves that we won't continue doing this or that. The program suggests that what is needed is to replace those habits and compulsions with their opposites.
Working on myself has been the biggest undertaking of my life (even bigger than birthing my kids) and it didn't come easy or fast. I had years in the program before I began to see permanent change....not to say that others may make change faster and easier....but for me, it was a long process of trying, failing and trying again to put those changes into action.
Before I became aware of the program, I would often just give up after a try or two and fall back into my old ways, never seeing change take root. I often thought that if I gave it a try and if it didn't reap results in a day or a week, then it just wasn't meant to be and I'd go back to my old ways of behavior. But through continual effort with the help of friends in Al Anon and determination and desire to live life differently with the alcoholic in my life, I stuck it out, kept coming back to the program steps and tools and fianlly began to see change for the better work its way into my daily life.
Each day is another opportunity to grow and I'm thankful for that, for other wise, a day of life is not worth much to me. Every day can be a challenge to see something differently or learn something new. It takes the focus off the alcoholic and back on me in a positive way. It has not lead to a perfect life but one that can be rewarding, knowing that my future can be brighter and softer and happier than those years of giving up and giving in to my old habits and compulsions. SaraLee
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Post by Lin on Nov 30, 2003 8:13:18 GMT -5
I've been doing alot of thought on CHANGE lately myself Sara! Funny you should post this today.
My job will be hainvg big changes most likely next year. We have 4 Catholic elementary schools and 2 have very low enrollment. The two plans they are debating will close mine and keep open three as k-6 schools or close the two rural ones and make mine a k-3 and the other central one a 4-6. We are having parent input meetings in a couple of weeks. It wont be a happy time. Nobody wants "their" favorite site to close. I know I will stay if mine becomes a k-3. But i may be among those that leave if the other way is chosen. If I retire I'll lose $10,000 a year and my insurance, so that is a big part to think about. Or i may move to another site with the others. Change is often hard, but that does not make it bad. We knew it was coming...we jsut did not want to deal with it.
Change in AlAnon was hard too, but it sure was worth the efforts. I changed my attitudes and my actins about alot of people and situations in my life and for that my life is much happier.
LIN
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Post by lildee on Nov 30, 2003 8:21:24 GMT -5
Good Morning SaraLee, Progress not perfection. That is the key. We all slip from our program, or retreat to what was comfortable. But the difference is that we know it. For me I used it as a learning experience. Rick had been pushing my buttons for almost two weeks. Finally nasty things were said . There was a pretty bitter fight. But now after reaching out to my sponsor and my friends I know how to deal with this situation in the the future. Praying and keeping the focus on me. Diverting his cruel mouth. Someone once told me that you have to think of the alcoholic/addict as a sick person. And when you see them picture them with a Big Band Aid right across their forehead. It will remind you that they are sick and not to try to rationalize or fight with them. So we take each day ODAT seeking to remove all our character defects and try to become the person that God would want us to become. Love you Arlene
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Post by SunnyGirl on Dec 1, 2003 11:37:42 GMT -5
Good Morning SaraLee I read this thread yesterday and never got the chance to reply. The title of your post is very near and dear to my heart and the shares have been wonderful. I came into Al-Anon as a very rigid person, I dislike change, it disrupted my routines. But, nothing changes if nothing changes! I found the strength and the willingness to begin making changes in my life. I admit I was not always comfortable with the change, but as time wears on, I am learning change can be good. I think one of the biggest changes I see in myself, was my need to be right. I felt like a failure when my way just didnt work. There is no pressure today, it's ok to make a mistake, I don't have to be perfect. I can say with honesty today, that I don't have all the answers. It just isn't that important to be the one with all the answers. I feel liberated! I still have flaws in my character, my H.P. continues to point them out. But HE is very patient with me and often leads back to that same flaw until I recognize it and become willing to work on it. Just for today, I am becoming more patient with myself, change takes time and time takes time....... Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope...... ( ( ( ( SaraLee ) ) ) ) Hugs, ~SG~
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Post by Caressa2 on Dec 2, 2003 11:15:36 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing my friends. I know I am the last one to notice the growth myself. I talked to my sponsor yesterday, and I said, "I'm not handling this very well!" She said, "Yes you are, you are just overwhelmed and you are doing the do things!"
I ran to my Al-Anon meeting yesterday morning because my son was drinking Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and was projecting a lot of "Old Stuff" onto me, trying to lay the guilt and blame for his behavior onto me for the past. I realize I still have trouble with confrontation and being the receiving end of someone else's anger. I have been feeling anger a lot lately, but now wonder how much of it is my own stuff, or is it things I am taking on that aren't mine. I seem to be doing a lot of letting go lately, and as a result, feeling much better.
As you say, Sunny, the not having to be always Ms. Perfect and alway right, and know the answers, is such a freedom.
The topic yesterday was Step One. Someone said for the newcomer and she replied, "I'm not new, just new to this meeting!" I said, "Well I am here because of Step One, so it sounds like a good topic for me!"
Each day I need to surrender, get honest and find the acceptance I need, just for today.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Dec 3, 2003 11:38:20 GMT -5
( ( ( ( Caressa ) ) ) )
Thank You for sharing your ESH......
Thank You for being such a wonderful part of our EOR family!
Hugs, ~SG~
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Post by majestyjo on Dec 28, 2014 15:12:20 GMT -5
When I go back and read some of these posts, I see how much this program is one day at a time. My son is still using. His disease has progressed. I am better able to handle things on the whole and yet there are days, when things seem to be just too much, yet I know there is nothing too much that my God and I can't handle together.
What I have learned over the years is that my health issues are greatly affected by my emotional stress, and if I don't keep on top of my emotional sobriety I slip back into the old behaviours and pain and I am so grateful for this program, that not only makes me aware, and gives me the tools to heal and find that inner strength, courage, and wisdom I need each day to get through life whether my so is using or not. To take the focus off of him and live my life to the best of my ability, even though he is in my life, he can't be my life, like he was at one time.
Thanks for letting me share.
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Post by monty on Jan 23, 2015 22:08:21 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about your situation with your son. By the way remember the guy I met in the park? We've been talking changing text and emails for a week now and he has decided to go to a treatment programs recovery to his alcohol problem I hope he made the right decision . I told him to go to AA meetings, but he's not interested, he is desperate to go there, am not sure if it can work for him because I've never been in rehab centers. Do you think rehab center can be effective for him? Any suggestions?
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Post by Lin on Jan 24, 2015 8:41:23 GMT -5
Good to see your post Monty. I am thinking Jo is having computer problems. I believe your post was to her, but I will give you my ideas.
For me I have seen AA and other types of rehab work very well if the addicted person is ready to change and willing to do whatever it takes. IF they want to drink or use more than they want to get clean and sober, it wont work. If they are in denial that their problem is really in need of changing, it wont work.
One quote I like is we can't change anything until we recognize it needs to be changed.
Keep coming back!
LIN
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Post by monty on Feb 7, 2015 0:18:59 GMT -5
Wow, that's an awesome quote. Thank you for the response Lin, and for sharing your thoughts. He's really determined to end his addiction, he lives now in colorado and he's in the process of recovery. I always ask him how is it going, and he told me that he is feeling better, though sometimes he still craving. Hopefully, he will be fully recovered, I'm gonna keep coming back here to share my experience and his story to inspire others. See you around
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 10, 2015 17:36:23 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing Monty. Have found that "willingness" is one of the biggest keys to recovery, along with honesty. You have to be willing to change, not just willing to quit drinking, but for me, it was to give up drugs and and alcohol. Alcohol is a drug. Any substance can become a drug and take over my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well being and get in the way of my day to day living and prevent me from being the person my God would have me be in today.
I can remember being on my computer in early recovery, being resentful that someone would dare to call me and interrupt me when I was posting. Don't they know I am busy. Don't they know what I was doing was important. I was all caught up in the I, myself and me of my dis-ease, into the Self and I had to turn my thinking and my attitude over to my Higher Power. It was I was doing service don't you know, and I became self-righteous and full of self instead of being God-centered.
I am but a channel and a messenger that carries my own experience, strength, and hope. I am not the idol and the example of what recovery is, although I try to live and walk my talk. it is progress not perfection. I can share how the program worked for me and how I applied it to my life, that doesn't mean it will work for someone else. They may have to do things differently. For me it was life or death, to use was to die. I had no option. Even though I have stayed clean and sober for 23 1/2 years, I still have no option, it is still do or die. Just for today, I choose not to use. I choose to live.
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Post by monty on Feb 12, 2015 5:44:40 GMT -5
that's true Jo, willingness alone can help you out, not only on addictions.
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Post by Lin on Feb 12, 2015 13:40:02 GMT -5
I totally agree. Willingness is a key in all recovery. We have to be willing to do whatever it takes to change ourselves. We have to do whatever it takes to gain serenity and keep it. We have to be willing to work with others, read the literature, attend meetings, do service work, etc.
LIN
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