Post by caressa on Jun 3, 2009 13:22:27 GMT -5
Today at my meeting the topic was about things that started with the letter 'Q'.
When I first came to Al-Anon, I questioned my right to be there because I was one of the 'others'. I questioned being an alcoholic. I knew I was an addict, but had a hard time accepting my own alcoholism. I justified every way possible trying to talk myself out of it. I didn't like beer. Never drank more than one beer in my life, so I just couldn't be an alcoholic. I drank because I couldn't stand to be around my husband, it was his drinking that was the problem.
What I was doing was leaving a door open to take a drink if I wanted one. If I wasn't an alcoholic and I drank because of OPs, then I could go to Al-Anon and if I chose to have ONE glass of wine with my meal it was okay! Talk about stinking thinking and self-justificaiton.
I am not sure if the disease is in our genes or not. What I do know is that I am a product of my environment and if I was continually around people who drank, I would drink too. It is just the nature of this beast and my disease. I could look at them and again play the blame game and give myself an out.
I knew that I was one when I finally realized I used alcohol like I used people, places and things to get my own way and to control my life so that I could be a part of the insanity instead of being on the outside looking in. I questioned my husband's insanity not recognizing my own.
In today, I need to question "what is good for my sobriety (soundness of mind)" Just because something has stood me in good stead for several years. Is it still working in today? Am I complacent? Am I sitll on that spiritual quest or have I stopped looking for God.
God is Good. Good is God. If I look for the goodness within myself and those around me, I am connected to my Higher Power.
What is in my best interest and for my Higher good in today?
What knowingness do I need in today to do what I need for my own health and well being on this recovery road?
When I first came to Al-Anon, I questioned my right to be there because I was one of the 'others'. I questioned being an alcoholic. I knew I was an addict, but had a hard time accepting my own alcoholism. I justified every way possible trying to talk myself out of it. I didn't like beer. Never drank more than one beer in my life, so I just couldn't be an alcoholic. I drank because I couldn't stand to be around my husband, it was his drinking that was the problem.
What I was doing was leaving a door open to take a drink if I wanted one. If I wasn't an alcoholic and I drank because of OPs, then I could go to Al-Anon and if I chose to have ONE glass of wine with my meal it was okay! Talk about stinking thinking and self-justificaiton.
I am not sure if the disease is in our genes or not. What I do know is that I am a product of my environment and if I was continually around people who drank, I would drink too. It is just the nature of this beast and my disease. I could look at them and again play the blame game and give myself an out.
I knew that I was one when I finally realized I used alcohol like I used people, places and things to get my own way and to control my life so that I could be a part of the insanity instead of being on the outside looking in. I questioned my husband's insanity not recognizing my own.
In today, I need to question "what is good for my sobriety (soundness of mind)" Just because something has stood me in good stead for several years. Is it still working in today? Am I complacent? Am I sitll on that spiritual quest or have I stopped looking for God.
God is Good. Good is God. If I look for the goodness within myself and those around me, I am connected to my Higher Power.
What is in my best interest and for my Higher good in today?
What knowingness do I need in today to do what I need for my own health and well being on this recovery road?