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Post by lildee on Jun 24, 2004 10:37:24 GMT -5
Pangs of Doubt
I don't know if you want to call it an Al- anon slip, or a lapse of faith, or fear of the future, or still my lack of trust.
Situation:-
Hubby had gone to his usual Tuesday night meeting. Things between us have been fine. He is staying clean and working his program and I am working mine. The kids and I are at home enjoying a great dinner and a movie. I look at the clock, the hour is getting late. Hubby has not called. The pangs of doubt are beginning to rise up. It is not raging fear like in the early days of recovery but concern. I know he is carrying a great deal of cash with him. My thoughts drift to him using again. Another relapse. I hate this feeling. Why do I even think this way? Is it my lack of trust in him? Is it because I fear that he is associating with newbies at his meet? Is it because one of his best friends in a severe relapse? Is it my lack faith ? Is it because I have gone through this scenario so many times that I am trained like Pavlov's dog to automatically react with these emotions? I am searching for a cause, but find none that justify these feelings ? Or am I harboring some deep unidentified resentment ? Or is it just that my trust has been so shattered that it is not fully restored yet?
I could really use some feedback on this one. Has anyone else experienced these kinds of feelings? And how have you dealt with them. All input welcomed. Thanks
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Post by dg on Jun 24, 2004 11:35:36 GMT -5
Hi Lildee~ Oh yea, all the time. Its not lack of trust, (to me anyways) its the fear of being hurt again, the fear of the unknown. I get that pang of doubts when he is in prison working on his program. LOL. (And he has a wonderful councelor working with him 2x a day 5 days a week! Plus he is learning how to be a meeting leader too.) I still haven't mastered how to get that feeling to go away either. But I do know that whatever lies ahead is in G-d's hands and we have no control over it but to keep our own recovery in check. Hang in there and keep the faith. Sorry I could'nt be of any help on this. ((((lildee)))
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Post by usdupn02 on Jun 24, 2004 13:31:13 GMT -5
Pangs of doubt..Oh Yeah..I have them quite often. For me I think that after many years of seeing certain things occur and having them lead to something else, I just automatically figure,"here we go again". For example, the other day the A did something completely innocent and out of character. Said she was going to the store with a friend. As they never do this and it was out of character, I immediately assumed the worst. Figured she was off with one of her drug buddies that has been hanging around. I really had no reason to assume this other than past experiences that have always turned out that way. You know, why would this be any different. But is was differnt. I was the sick one in this instance as all was as I was told. I was the one making mountains out of molehills and obsessing over what I thought was going on. Fortunately, because of this program, all the fear and sick thinking was going on in my mind and not running out of my mouth. This is a big step for me. Anyway, I am a little off the subject but I think pangs of doubt will always be with people who have been through a lot and have seen the same results over and over. For me, they are becoming managable but they are still there.
Hang in there and I hope like me, you were wrong about what your hubby was doing.
Janet
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Post by Lin on Jun 24, 2004 13:55:14 GMT -5
These pangs of doubt are very normal. It feels like an "alanon slip" to me when it happens. And when he comes in with some fresh veggis where he went to visit a freind in the country and lsot track of time, i fel so foolish.
Like DG said...praying is all you can do. Ask you HP to watch over him and keep him safe. Then let it go. Get busy withsomething else to take yuor mind off of it.
We have been comditioned for many years to fer the worst when things are not like they should be. to me the more times I was proven wrong, the less often I ahd the feelings.
{{{{{lildee}}}}} LIN
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Post by SaraLee on Jun 25, 2004 10:33:53 GMT -5
((((arlene))))
I can relate too. Thanks for posting about your feelings and questions.
Right now, hubby is home while I'm visiting my daughter and her family for a few days, which gives him the opportunity to potentially use one of his addictions to the hilt. Gambling is an on going thing but when he has time and space to himself, he often takes extra money out of our account or use his credit card to get cash to gamble and not tell me. Sooo, while I'm here and he's there....I have entertained a few old re-runs these past few days myself. I did some self talk to keep calm and remind myself that at this time, it's just old thoughts/feelings rummaging inside and I think of those short diversions as reminders of what has gone wrong in the past and remind myself that as of this moment in time, those things have NOT gone wrong in this present.
I think it's normal to do that and in a lot of ways, healthy. After all, I don't want to forget what he's done in the past or how it made me feel, nor do I want to be oblivious to any warning signs in the present, but I also want those thoughts to run their course and then stop if there is no merit to them in the present.
Why they come isn't as important to me as how much power I ultimately give them.
SaraLee
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Post by majestyjo on Aug 28, 2015 13:21:17 GMT -5
When I don't hear from my son, a wonder what he is up to. Not hearing from someone and/or someone doesn't appear at the site for a long time, I wonder how they are doing and pray that they are busy with living their life and/or have relapsed and slipped back into old patterns and behaviours. That is why I feel bad when I can't be here every day. Sometimes it is for health reasons, and yet I know it is often depression, which means I need to be here.
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Post by Lin on Aug 31, 2015 11:42:07 GMT -5
Thanks for bringing this up. I agree with what was said. We react because of past experience.
LIN
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