|
Post by caressa on Jan 15, 2010 7:01:20 GMT -5
1. Do show an interest in everything your husband is doing 2. Do show loving care 3. Do ask their opinion - they love it 4. Do make them feel important 5. Do appear happy and detached 6. Do be cheerful 7. Do cooperate 8. Do be patient 9. Do attend the open meetings 10. Do - 'THINK' 1. Don't bring up the past 2. Don't say "you are a fine example' 3. Don't argue 4. Don't show that you know too much about the program 5. Don't have a martyr's attitude 6. Don't be indifferent 7. Don't be smug 8. Don't nag 9. Don't worry 10. Don't be angry Looking at this, I see why my marriages didn't work. The "DOS" use to be my don't. Taken from The Fist Steps from Al-Anon - The First 35 years of Beginning This link has an updated version: www.ucg.org/un/un0401/helpalcoholic.htm#1
|
|
|
Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 15, 2010 13:11:20 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing Caressa, good post!
There is a lot of information at the top of the Al-Anon section... ~ NEWCOMER'S WELCOME ~
10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem
Like you, I was guilty of many of the "don'ts" on this list and Lord knows I have always come up short of patience. But the best part of Alanon is I get a brand new chance to get it right, each and every day....
Hugs, SG
|
|
|
Post by Lin on Jan 19, 2010 13:51:47 GMT -5
I have not read this list in a while. I pretty much had the lists flip-flopped wehn I foudn alanon 17 yars ago. Today I pretty much follow thi s list.
LIN
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Jan 20, 2010 3:42:51 GMT -5
I too saw this as a reversal in my attitude. It seemed like they took all the fun out of living and my reason for being. By looking at my ex-husband and my father, I didn't have to look at myself.
It kept me in denial a long time. I wasn't as bad as them and yet in truth, in a lot of ways, I was a lot sicker. I had the thinking behind the drinking. I didn't always drink as much as they did and didn't react the way they did to alcohol, so I was okay. All it did was make me a functional drunk! I hated the word drunk. Didn't like the picture it portrayed. Yet you just can't drink alcohol and be sober. Sobriety for me means soundness of mind. My relationship certainly wasn't sound! I was the controlling, manipulative, self-righteous, and often abusive b*tch. Often the abused becomes the abuser and it become a chain reaction and it was up to me to stop the cycle.
|
|
|
Post by majestyjo on Apr 19, 2015 20:12:25 GMT -5
A good list to bring forward and keep currant.
|
|
|
Post by majestyjo on Apr 25, 2015 22:29:48 GMT -5
DO'S 1. Do remember you are not the only one living with an alcoholic.
2. Do look for help in Alateen/Alanon, AA and other local and community councils on alcoholism.
3. Do learn all you can about alcoholism, a family disease.
4. Do be honest with yourself and others.
5. Do use your talents in ways that interest you.
6. Do develop a sensible attitude about alcoholism.
7. Do remember that not only the alcoholic, but all members of the family are emotionally involved with the disease.
8. Do find someone other than a relative that you can confide in.
9. Do learn to forgive yourself and others -- you only hurt yourself by holding grudges.
10. Do keep your trust in your Higher Power.
11. Do take your own inventory and admit your faults to one person.
12. Do pass on your knoweldge of Alateen/Alanon to others.
DON'TS 1. Don't cover up for the alcoholic and take on responsibilities other than your own.
2. Don't try to make the alcoholic stop drinking -- you can't.
3. Don't argue with an active alcoholic.
4. Don't hide or throw out liquor; more is always available.
5. Don't take it personally when the alcoholic blames you for drinking -- any excuse will do.
6. Don't use drugs or alcohol as a means of escaping the family situation.
7. Don't condemn, judge, or criticize -- remember that alcoholism is a disease.
8. Don't make the alcoholic's problem the number one thing in your life.
9. Don't expect things to get better overnight.
10. Don't expect to change anyone but yourself.
11. Don't allow self-pity to grow inside of you. It will destroy you.
12. Don't over-react to the alcoholic's problem.
|
|