Well, Knothead....The truth is I missed ya so much and I was so depressed and distraught with you gone.....*sniffle* I simply couldn't bring myself to post without being reduced to tears. *sniffle*
LOL
Not buying that one are ya? LOL
That's good, cuz I'm joshin' ya...LOL
*hugs*
Welcome back!
Thanks, graced (with a sniffle)!!! LOL.
Keep my ego in check, dag-nabbit!!!! LOL.
We don't appreciate that in MY kingdom!! Or, at least my disease doesn't.
Ya know.....Some 14 years ago I was helping clean 'stuff' outta my step mother's attic. We were preparing to move her to a new home. Lo and behold, my sister--who'd never been able to quite see me as an alcoholic--pulled out a bottle from a box and eyed me with a bit of trepidation. I still remember that look in her eyes and that feel in my gut.
After we established that it indeed was mine and not our alcoholic father's (his choice was scotch, mine was tequila) it got tossed into a box of 'garbage' and we kept right on working. Her with a bit of feigned happiness and me with a bit of sweat, waiting for that arguement about what an alcoholic looks like.
It came -- and once again I was simply telling her the truth. The more I talked about the wreckage I'd created, the lives I'd messed with and the damage done, the more she was eyeing the bottle that was partly visible under the 'junk' we'd added to the pile for tossing out purposes.
She'd come to know all the stuff in my past by my sharing, not because she'd experienced it first hand. But that moment in the attic was classic. She eyed the bottle, she eyed me and I was squirming, waiting for some kind of denial on her part of what was true about my life.
She connected the dots that day, I think. She 'got' that alcohol was under all that 'ick' in my life for the first time and truly came to some understanding of me not simply being a defiant, unruly and unmanageable 19 year old....I think she 'got' that the problem was bigger than me and that it was the bottle that decided for me so many 24 hours ago.
She fished around in the box of discarded stuff, came up with the bottle and stared at it before promptly leaving the attic with it.
I worked in silence until she returned, decidedly stating "There. It's gone, I've poured it down the drain." I remember joking about it and her not laughing.
We sorted through junk for a whole afternoon and tossed out a whole lot of 'stuff' that wasn't needed in our lives or the lives of people who we cared about. At the end of the day, tired and sweaty she told me she'd been tearful emptying that bottle but it wasn't the alcohol she'd been sad about it. It was the 'junk' that I'd had to go through and the 'junk' that had happened with other people. She hoped for my sake that I hadn't simply tossed out the bottle, but that I'd also tossed out all the garbage and junk from the stuff I'd done or had done to me as a result of that booze.
Interesting, to say the least. I was in a meeting today where we ended up having a disscussion meeting (supposedly a book study of "LIVING SOBER"). It was pretty much along the same lines of kin folks & recovery. The meeting started off with that chapter concerning anger & resentments.
After the first few paragraphs, people were spewing out all kinds of stuff regarding resentments towards siblings & parents.
What I shared was that I really had no resentments toward my siblings or my parents. I have a sister & 2 brothers. My sister knows the 12-step program all-too-well (one of her offspring has our disease, and she attends al-anon). She is constantly asking me what "step" I am working on. My brothers have no concept of alcoholism as a disease, and they generally say, "if you want to quit, then just do it; or, "just don't drink so much next time."
My own mother had me dumbfounded when she asked if I was still going to meetings. I said "yes, of course." Then she asked me if the meetings were doing me any good. WTF?
I didn't turn alcoholic overnight; that I would somehow become whatever my mom perceives as "normal" overnight is idiotic. But, I still love her as much as a son can.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.