"If You Want What We Have"

[caressa]

"If You Want What We Have"

Sponsorship Meditations
by Joan Larkin

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Other people don’t always dream your dream
LINDA RONSTADT


Newcomer
When people at meetings use the words “control” and “controlling,” the tone is always negative. What’s so bad about control? I’m glad that I have more control over my life, not that I’m not active in my addiction. I grew up hearing about “self-control” all the time. I assumed it was a good thing.

Sponsor
There are different way in which people in recovery use the word “control.” One of them, in the phrase “controlled drinking” or “controlled drugging,” describes a state that’s neither drink nor sober. It’s an attempt to use and addictive substance or behavior only in carefully measured amounts—the “I can handle it” approach. Those who engage in it cheat themselves both of the oblivion of addictive behavior and the joy of recovery. I can’t imagine a grimmer form of denial; it means never being free of obsession with a drug.

We also use the word “control” to name the illusion that we’re responsible for all the outcomes of our actions. The Serenity Prayer makes a distinction between things we can and can’t control. It helps me to remember that I have control over my actions, but not over those of others. I can control what I eat, but not how my body processes the food and what I weigh. I can choose my words, but not how people will respond to them. We may expend a lot of energy trying to manipulate others to feel and behave as we wish. It may even seem to work sometimes—but that’s an illusion. I don’t deliberately do things that I think may offend people or hurt their feelings; but what they feel, do , or say in reaction to me is not the realm of my control.

Today, I accept my powerlessness over addictive substances and my powerlessness over other people’s thoughts and feelings.
__________________

[caressa]

Starting a new daily post here, think it is applicable to all fellowships, especially helpful to newcomers.

[caressa]

"If You Want What We Have"
Sponsorship Meditations
by Joan Larkin

---- 98----
Never take anything for granted
BENJAMIN DISRAELI


Newcomer
What is a “dry drunk”?

Sponsor
This expression may have first sprang up in A.A. It’s used to describe one of us who is abstaining from the use of alcohol but isn’t thinking or behaving in a way that is sober. If we’re full of self-will, if we constantly blame and rage at others, if we’re controlled by our fears and resentments, we are probably “on a dry drunk.” This expression might also be used to describe those of us with addiction other that alcohol when our lives are not sober. Our addictions are a package deal: certain attitudes and behaviors come with the compulsion to numb ourselves with particular substances or acts.

A “dry drunk” sometimes focuses on others and their addictive problems. Gossip, blame, argument, manipulative behavior, obsessive worrying, neglect of responsibilities—these are some common “dry drunk” behaviors. We may not be abusing a substance, but our attitudes and behavior qualify us as “dry drunks.”

Today, my participation in this program help me to maintain physical, mental, and spiritual recovery.
__________________

[caressa]

"If You Want What We Have"
Sponsorship Meditations
by Joan Larkin


---- 100 ----

I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention. Diane Sawyer



Newcomer
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I often sit in a meeting just looking at everyone’s shoes and trying to decide which ones I like. Or I may be sort of half listening while looking at what people are wearing or how their hair is cut, trying to figure out whether the same thing would look okay on me. I guess I sound pretty superficial.

Sponsor
Sometimes the intensity of recovery feels overwhelming. We drift, thinking there’s something wrong with the meeting or with us. Our thoughts are elsewhere, racing a mile a minute, or else we fall asleep. The problem isn’t that we’re easily bored or unwilling to concentrate. More likely, we’re trying to get some relief from feelings that are surfacing within us. A lot happens at meetings. Some people are sharing stories that remind us of our own, and some are sharing their experience of a new way of life that challenges beliefs and habits we’ve held for a long time. It sometimes feels like too much. The experience itself of sitting in a room with other people uses mental and emotional energy, and may raise anxieties for some of us. It takes getting used to. The good news is that in time we do find it easier to be fully present.

Today, I gently let go of concerns about my rate of progress, as I remain consistent about attending meeting and working the program.

[caressa]

Remember in early recovery trying to think of what I was going to say when it came my turn to share (major ego) and as a results, often lost some good food for my soul. I still try to remember to say the 3rd and 7th Step prayers before I share to ask for help and to put the Ego and the Self out of the way!

Remember my mind being so busy, so much to take in. I was often surprised how much was really there when I needed it.

I was so sick, all I could do was put one foot in front of the other and go to meetings. I went to two meetings a day for two years. I went to three meetings if I could get a ride to the 10 p.m. meetings that were held twice a week. With all those meetings, things sunk in and I absorbed a lot. I worked with counselors and sponsors and did a lot of work on myself. It was do or die for me. Relapsing was not an option for me.