Change

[caressa]

The only person I can change is me. I can't change my addict. I can only change me and make healthy decisions for me.

Have been trying to make changes in my life and break the unhealthy patterns, especially my sleeping disorder. That is why I have asked to be referred by my doctor to a Sleep Disorder Clinic. Having been told today that lack of sleep can cause heart problems, I am going to make a point of keep after him about it. Hopefully the Cardiac Scan on Friday will be another step to wards him changing his mind.

I get the impression from him that he thinks that I am stoned. I have been in so much pain lately, that I have been having problems communicating (without a key board), and getting my point across.

I was sharing at tonight's meeting how I have been trying all kinds of things to help me sleep. It isn't that I don't try; it isn't that I don't go to bed; it isn't as if I try to stay awake, unless I want to sleep around the dinner hour, because I don't want to nap and spoil my sleep.

I have used Essential Oils for pain and for sleeping. I have used teas, I don't do milk, unless it is sour cream and whipped cream and I don't think they would be conducive to sleep.

I do meditation. I use my cards - angel, animal, native teachings, Soho/zen, nature, and special tarots. I use my books, my literature, my Bible, and the web sites, to get spiritual food to get me out of self and it helps me to detach from the pain.

I play Bejeweled 2 and once in a while Word Moho Gold which is like Scrabble. I read when my eyes allow me. I have 19 books at the moment out from the library. Four of those books need to be read in the next week and two are not renewable because they are from the Express desk.

Normally, reading doesn't put me to sleep but I have nodded off twice in the last month reading, and messed up my night's sleep.

I generally have my shower's in the morning, but will have one at night too if and when I feel safe enough to get into the shower. I will be glad to get the new chair that has been ordered. I do make a point of washing the face, also try to make a point of changing the energy around me. Look at what is around me, is it mine or have I taken on someone else's stuff.

I listen to music, preferably something with no words. At the moment I am listening to some cool jazz.

I had a book due back today. I knew I could have taken it tomorrow but I have to work and they are calling for thunder storms. I decided to brave the night and go back downtown. I picked up an express book while I was there, couldn't resist the name Catherine Coulter. I admit to books being a long time addiction, for me a healthy one that saved my sanity for many years.

While I was waiting for the bus home, I realized that I really hadn't had supper. I had bought it, just hadn't eaten it. I had my sub at 4 p.m. I normally eat after the meeting, but it never entered my mind. Watched Jeoprody, nothing on TV that interested me, so took myself off. I am happy I went. I hurt from top to toe and my feet are badly swollen, along with the rest of my body, which mean my head too, so I am going to close up here for tonight.

Change is good. I have embraced change since I walked through the doors of recovery. For me, it is what recovery is about. What good am I to myself and others if I am a dry drunk? The therapist read my post on the topic of the week, and he said, "You know yourself and are in touch with who you are." My reply was, "Yes I am."

LOL! Looks a little like self-justification. Got the feeling that some people thought I wasn't trying to sleep and was on the computer just 'fooling' around. I really don't need to explain myself or justify my existance, just want you to know, that I do try and any and all prayers, gratefully received.

[BW]

I resist change..I admit that..As much as I want & pray for things to be different..the normal, the routine even the mundane is comfortable, it is safeand even after all this time and knowing that change is good for me..I still resist..the good news is today I am aware of and I acknowledge that resistence

Today my simple prayer is.."Lord change me"

[Lin]

BW...change was our meeting topic last night. Wish you could have joined us. We missed you!

Caressa...I also don't do "MILK" but I DO like hot chocolatel . There is a Swiss Miss sugar free instand that's easy to make and very low in points. Have you tried hot chocolate to relax you?

I could not begin to recover until I resolved that it was ME that had to change...not those aroudn me. Once I figured that out, I changed those things that were within my power such as my attitudes, actions and reactions. ONly then could I get better.
LIN

[majestyjo]

It is a little strange to go back and look at where you are at. In today, I am no longer working; I play Bejewelled 3; I have about 1/4 the pain I had back then; I still watch Jeopardy, and still have a sleeping disorder, although it is much improved.

The program works when I work it! It is amazing how much changes and for the better, when you remember to have a little talk with my God.

The biggest change is the weight loss, which in turn, has made me feel better. When I remember to pick up the tools and remember that the program applies to all areas of my life, I never had it so good. I just need to remember to be grateful.

My son is still using.  He does not have an honest desire to quit.  All I can do is pray for him and hope that he doesn't choose to carry the message, "To use is to die."

[majestyjo]

Ironically, since my two falls, I have had a lot more pain to deal with. My biggest change is not being able to do what I use to do, in the way I would like to do it.

I wasn't able to go to see my sister today. I wasn't able to make the pie I wanted to bake. I never got any laundry done this weekend as I had planned to do, with no thought of doing it tomorrow.

Sometimes, change is about changing things in the day, it doesn't have to be about things in the past. It is about doing what I need to do for myself in today.

[caressa222]

Change can bring new, revise the old, or take things out of our lives that no longer serves us on our recovery road. This is why Step Ten is so important to me.