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Post by Lin on Sept 11, 2012 7:02:50 GMT -5
When I was attending an ACOA meeting f2f many years ago, one of the "rules" in the opening was NO CROSSTALk. It explained that growing up were were often not validated in our words and often were meant to feel "seen but not heard". So we allowed everybody in the circle to share or pass before anybody shared twice. Cross talk is when people talk between the shares to a certain person.
I really think it is a good "rule" or suggestion. Often at our alanon meeting we do try to keep that SUGGESTION going. But my f2f has so many newcomers that I dont want to tell them they can't interrupt or do the crosstalk between shares. I try to model the correct behavior but some are so full of anger they jstu explode and talk and talk.
I even think at an online meeting it is good to allow everybody there to share or pass before anybody "double dips". Just my opnion on crosstalk.
Do you have any opinions on cross talk?
LIN
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Post by SunnyGirl on Sept 11, 2012 15:20:28 GMT -5
I definitely think the suggestion, NO CROSSTALK
is a wonderful suggestion. Without it the meetings
could really get out of control.
Same with the on-line meetings.... each person should
be aware of the clock to make sure all have a chance
to share. With time allowing, you can share again.....
I've always wondered if putting the smilies or doing
my "nods" in the middle of a post might be distracting
to the person sharing. I often do it to show agreement
with something they posted and to let them know I
am "listening".
Good topic Lin...
Hugs, SG
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Post by caressa on Sept 11, 2012 23:10:29 GMT -5
Dear Lin,
Saw this the other day and had heard something new that I never been aware of before, so thought I would come back and share it with you when I found it.
They define cross talk as giving advice to someone in the group during the meeting, or saying the person's name in my share. Like me saying I can relate to what so and so said about digging in the garbage for food...The chair person said this type of thing puts someone on the spot which may embarrass him or her unknowingly..it is like pointing them out.
I remember telling you I was surprised because at the AA meetings I do sometimes say "wow, I really can relate to what so and so said about...." So doing this would be cross talking.
Sometimes I forget, especially if I identify so much with someone's share. I don't think it is good to interrupt someone when they are sharing. I don't think my share should be about there share, although if it is about a topic, it can often be along the same lines if we have had similiar experiences.
You know me, when there are rules and guidelines they are good, but when it comes to recovery, and someone needs help, I tend to blurr them sometimes. I figure a person's life is more important.
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Post by Lin on Sept 13, 2012 14:20:45 GMT -5
Interesting. I dont see nodding or a smilie or even saying I can relate is cross talk. I see it as empathy. I see the cross talk as saying...well in a case like that this is what I have done....I see it to going that one step further where it is close to being advice. I see it as interrupting the meeting to share and not taking turns. We have had members who did it and by the time they finished there was not even time for everybody to speak that wanted to. Sometiems it comes from seasoned old timers and sometimes it comes from hurting newcomers who are about to explode.
Interesting way to look at it. I jstu dont see saying you relate when it is your turn as cross talk.
LIN
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Post by caressa on Sept 13, 2012 22:43:25 GMT -5
My thoughts were the same Lin, but this was sent to me, so thought I would share it with you seeing as you brought up the topic.
Also chairpersons who felt they needed to have a little say after every one shared, which to my way of thinking is a big ego trip. I saw other people do it and thought that was what you were suppose to do when you chaired a meeting. I got told very quickly!
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Post by Lin on Sept 14, 2012 16:03:07 GMT -5
We have that too. I nmy f2f alanon there are a few who want to make a comment to everybody right after they share. If I have anything to offer I do it after we go around the table once. Like last week one lady was new and shared that her mom had died and she wished she could call her mom and talk aboiut how crazy ehr life is. I didnt' say anything while she shared but afterwards I told her that I had given her a phone list to our group and we hoped when she wanted somebody to talk to she woudl contact any one of us. I tink if I had said that to her right after her share, before everybody had a chance to share it would have been crosstalk. But I waited until after all of the shares so I don't consider that cross talk.
We all have opinions...so the person who sent you that has a right to theirs. It's that old rule we can agree to disagree and that's OK.
LIN
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Post by BW on Sept 19, 2012 15:51:32 GMT -5
Great topic...wish I had time to respond
Thanx
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Post by Lin on Sept 28, 2012 11:18:15 GMT -5
Good to se your name BW! I hope you get back to us very soon!
LIN
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Post by Lin on Jul 6, 2013 6:53:01 GMT -5
Just noticed BW wanted to share but time cut short. I hope she will return and give her thoughts on cross talk.
LIN
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Post by BW on Jul 6, 2013 13:30:59 GMT -5
As it was explained to me, early on cross talk is a couple diferent things..it is double or triple dipping and it is "exclusionary"...Specifically pointing out another person and focusing on that person or what they have said. This can sometimes make others feel non essential while at the same time embarrasing that one person. It was further explained that very seldom what is being said in the rooms [other than our own personal experiences and what we have learned from them..our strenth and our hope from those] ... is authentic...it has been passed down to us so therefore the credit is to those pioneers not to any one person.
to have a comment after each person is indeed EGO and EGO is EDGING GOD OUT and does not allow for others to share and again this is how it was explained to me
In our meetings it is said..."No one person speaks for AA" that is in part what unity is all about. Nodding or smiling is not concidered crosstalk..neither is the laughter...that is part of the attraction mentioned in the tradition and the hope that we hold in our hearts for the newbies and those that are struggling sitting beside us as we request that they keep coming back or stay lol
Cross talk is also that terribly annonying whispering and socializing that occurs when someone is sharing and they deny that is bothering anyone and they swear that they whisper softly if it is so soft then why is it that many of us just missed what so and so just shared and why couldn't they either take it outside, be early, or stay late...or even wrote a note rather than keep us from hearing that last share...That is the one that truly bugs me and many others and I have had to put that resentment in my God can so many times I've lost count...and God told me I could NOT wear a roll of duct tape as a bracelet to the meetings...DARN!!!!!!
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Post by Lin on Jul 7, 2013 6:32:41 GMT -5
BW....love the duct tape bracelet image. Too funny! I also liked your reminder that no one person speaks for AA. That will work with alanon also.
LIN
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Post by majestyjo on Aug 28, 2019 23:15:36 GMT -5
They say at my NA group, no double dipping until everyone has shared. If there is time at the end of the meeting they will ask does anyone want to double dip.
I
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.