Control

[caressa]

I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.

Language of Letting Go

For me it was always about control. What I call the "C" word because it is right there up with the word 'cancer' because it corrodes the soul.

Although I would blame others, I would have those whips out and would be beating up myself for being stupid, how could you do this, didn't you learn your lesson the last time, why are you continueing to do this to yourself?

The control is generally me trying to control the addict or my environment, me wanting things to go my way so I will have an outcome that is in my best interest because the great "ME" is at stake in the great scheme of things. Sounds pretty selfish and self-centered, especially for someone in recovery, and it is. That is why I have to work this program one day at a time, to obtain my emotional and mental sobriety as well as my physical and spiritual sobriety.

Everyone says, "I am in control of myself." No! I am not in control, unless I turn my will and my life over to the God of my understanding. When I do that, I don't need to go there, into that sick way of thinking, and let my God lead and direct my life.

The past can be really sneaky because it can be attached to things in today and I need to cut the imbelical cord, but in order to do that, I have to see it. So many times, I have based things in today on past experiences, knowing full well, that in today, with my God's Good Orderly Direction, I do not have to go there in today. Which means, when I do, I am not walking in faith, I am not trusting my God, I am being selective as to what I think He can and will do, according to my will.

Letting go can often be as simple as a prayer and deep breathes in and out, which is a position of surrender, especially when you sit with both palms up, wiling to let go and receive, what your God has to give you and what you need taken away.

Remember recovery is a process, it doesn't happen overnight. It, what ever "it" is in your life in today, will always be there if we don't learn to let go!

With the letting go comes acceptance, the five As are a process. Aware I have a problem. Admit to my God, to myself and another human being that the problem exists and my acknowledging it, the process is put into motion. It can't go far without acceptance, and if my attitude isn't good, I am not going to be willing to take action. For me though, I often have to take action to change the attitude, which makes for a real spiritual awakening, and then I know, God and I are on the same page.

eor.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=spuds&thread=13131

[caressa]

Post this although I probably got it here first before I posted it on my site.

eor.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=General&thread=13167&page=1

Not sure about you, but I played many roles and loved those songs, and sang along and made believe they were me. Lived in a world of fantasy, and thought I was in control, which was an illusion and the reality was, I was in my own private hell.

I thought I knew everything. I am a leading authority on everything, just ask me. I was called Odd Job Jo(e), Gravy Jo, and I was always hearing, give it to Jo, she will do it. I thought it was because I was smart. It was because I didn't know how to say "No" get someone else to do it.

I had to change everything: All my preconceived ideas, thoughts, and notions. All my misconceptions, my perceptions, and I disagreeumptions had to be all reprogrammed through different eyes.

To do this, I had to get out of my own way, and to do that I went to meetings and I listened to people share at meetings. I listened to what they said, and I heard how other people lived their lives and how they thought. They gave me new insight into living clean and sober. They laid out a plan for living a new way of life, I just had to stay out of the way and let my Higher Power put these people in my life, to show me the way.

My sponsor told me, "You can learn two things at a meeting. How to work your program and how not to work your program." I know I repeat myself quite often, but it is true. Why say something different, when those are the words that worked for me 20 years ago and still work for me in today.

[caressa]

A poem about breaking free from the people that control you and that you're never a puppet until death overcomes you.

Puppet Strings

© Amber Duncan

I am a puppet, held up by your strings.
I am a puppet trapped in your ring.

I am a puppet for you to enjoy,
I am a puppet I am your toy.

I am a puppet for you to use
like hollow wood for you to use

I am attached I'm only yours
a puppets act to earn your applause

I am the peasant and you are the king
and my only escape is to cut the strings

There is only one way for a puppet to die...
You must cut the strings and commit suicide.

Original Source FB

www.thefreedictionary.com/control

thesaurus.com/browse/control

[majestyjo]

Let go and let God. Surrender isn't giving up, it is giving over. I can't, my God can.

[majestyjo]

Getting Out Of Your Own Way

Each day in our lives, we hope and pray for a better day,
that things should improve in one area or another.
But all too often, all we do is hope and pray.
That is not enough --
We have to think, act and speak differently.
If we don't change how we think, speak and act,
we are bound to repeat the same problems or
mistakes that gives us a situation we want changed.

So how do we change things?

The hardest part of change is thinking differently.
You have to challenge your own assumptions,
including most delicately, the sense of who you are.
You may not be who you really think you are.

Never forget, we judge others by their actions,
but we judge ourselves by our intentions.
Yes, you meant to help someone with a project,
you intended to give charity, you were planning on
inviting your friends over for dinner, but if you didn't do it,
in their minds you had no intention, and you are judged
as such. So start correcting this error.

If you intend to do something - DO IT.
Don't procrastinate, don't delay.
Stop making excuses.
You want to improve yourself, get out of your own way.

Now find someone you completely trust,
who has your interest at heart
and who can give you constructive criticism.
It is often better for a friend to be this person
than a spouse.
And tell the person to try to remove personal bias
(of how you may have hurt them or been inconsiderate).
It has to be coming from a place of true concern for you.

Start with one area.
Don't take on your whole life at one time.
What you may realize is that you may not
be perceived the way you perceive yourself.
So work on correcting the in-balance -
and you will immediately feel more content and
balanced inside...

You that you can start changing your life for the better
by starting to Think, Act and Speak differently!


By: R. Barker

Tells a great story.  You never know when you will hear the words you need to hear.

[majestyjo]

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Peace with the Past

Even God cannot change the past.
—Agathon

Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.

"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.

"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.

"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.

I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.

"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.

"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.

"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.

"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.

"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."

We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.

Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

I could have written this.  Some times you find message that come at you loud and clear.

[majestyjo]

Everything I thought to do has been done. I give up the control and will sit back and take in the great words..😘