Control

[caressa]

Need to let go of control?

"The world is not to be put in order; the world is order, incarnate. It
is for us to harmonize with this order."

-- Henry Miller

Ego believes that it needs to protect us from external dangers. Through
control and manipulation, it aims to keep us safe. This need of ego is
based in fear.

If we hope to live in love, we must become acquainted with soul.
Experiencing soul brings a deep knowing that this is a loving universe.
Experiencing soul also builds faith. We learn to trust that we don’t have to
run the show. And when we do this, we tap the source of true freedom
and joy.

"It is not action or effort that we must surrender; it is self-will,
and this is terribly difficult. You must do your best constantly, yet
never allow yourself to become involved in whether things work out the way
you want."

-- Eknath Easwaran

"True spiritual surrender responsibly opens itself to the unknown."

-- Stephen V. Doughty

===================

Recently, my son told me he was in control of his drug use. I can remember when I thought control was the solution. If I could control, people, place and things, everything would be just fine.

Ego is "Easing God Out." I didn't allow God into my life and tended to discount Him. When I am trying to control, it is already out of control. I end up trying to be my own Higher Power.

I use to get really upset when people didn't post on this site. Today, I am able to let go, and do what I need to do for my own recovery and sobriety (soundness of mind).

[stickmonkey]

control and surrender are opposits.
my program is when i acknowledge this

[caressa]

I had to surrender to win. I had to substitute the word control for powerlessness before I could understand the meaning of it. I thought I was in control, it was an illusion. Today, I turn it over to my Higher Power, when I surrendered, I was empowered to do what I needed to do for myself.

[stickmonkey]

i do agree

[caressa]

When I read this tonight, I thought of something I shared earlier. Surrender doesn't mean to give up. It means give over. Surrender was part of the honesty I needed to find in Step One, admitting I didn't know, made a mistake, willing to open my mind to new ideas and concepts. Just because I had done things for numerous years, didn't mean they were right. I found even in recovery, things in early recovery had to be revised and edited. Many times it was my lack of willingness to let go, I wanted to hang onto those strings, making them conditional, hidden, and many times restoring to denial and lack olf willingness to let go.

My addiction was always wanting more, so in my recovery, I had to get honest, open my mind, and willing to change. More recovery, not more drugs, no more using other things to hide from what was truly happening in my life.

My control in today come from my Through my God, all things are possible. The second half of the first Step, my life is unmanageable when managed by me.

[caressa]

It is ironic, I never used to get 'high' or as what some people saw as 'high', although it could have been the fact that I was so depressed, it took a lot of using to get me up to where I got to a stage to really let go. I remember times when I was horrified because I saw myself losing control. There is no way I wanted to act or appear drunk, I just wanted the warm fuzzies, and it just took more and more to reach that feeling. The problem was, as my disease progressed, if I did find the feeling, I couldn't stop there, I still had to have more. It didn't matter what the drug was that brought me there or the drug that came along that I just had to have more. When one drug stopped working, I generally used it in a combo with something or someone else.