Overcoming Self-Obsession

[caressa]

Overcoming Self-Obsession


"In living the steps, we begin to let go of our self-obsession."

Basic Text p.94


Many of us came to the program convinced that our feelings, our wants, and our
needs were of the utmost importance to everyone. We had practiced a lifetime of
self-seeking, self-centered behavior and believed it was the only way to live.

That self-centeredness doesn't cease just because we stop using drugs. Perhaps
we attend our first NA function and are positive that everyone in the room is
watching us, judging us, and condemning us. We may demand that our sponsor be on
call to listen to us whenever we want-and they, in turn, may gently suggest that
the world does not revolve around us. The more we insist on being the center of
the universe, the less satisfied we will be with our friends, our sponsor, and
everything else.

Freedom from self-obsession can be found through concentrating more on the needs
of others and less on our own. When others have problems, we can offer help.
When newcomers need rides to meetings, we can pick them up. When friends are
lonely, we can spend time with them. When we find ourselves feeling unloved or
ignored, we can offer the love and attention we need to someone else. In giving,
we receive much more in return-and that's a promise we can trust.


Just for today: I will share the world with others, knowing they are just as
important as I am. I will nourish my spirit by giving of myself.

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Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous ©

[stickmonkey]

The Triangle of Self Obsession
I.P. No. 12



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The Triangle of Self-Obsession When we are born we are conscious only of ourselves, we are the universe. We perceive little other than our basic needs, and if these needs are met we are content. As our consciousness expands we become aware of a world outside ourselves. We discover that there are people, places, and things around us, and that they fulfill our needs. At this point we also begin to recognize differences and develop preferences. We learn to want and choose. We are the center of a growing universe and expect to be provided with the things we need and want. Our source of contentment shifts from basic needs miraculously met to the fulfillment of our desires.

Most children, through experiences over a period of time, come to realize that the outside world cannot provide all their wants and needs. They begin to supplement what is given to them with their own efforts. As their dependency on people, places, and things decreases they begin to look to themselves more and more. They become more self-sufficient and learn that happiness and contentment come from within. Most continue to mature; they recognize and accept their strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. At some point, they usually seek the help of a Power greater than themselves to provide the things they cannot provide for themselves. For most people, growing up is a natural process.

As addicts, however, we seem to falter along the way. We never seem to outgrow the self-centeredness of the child. We never seem to find the self-sufficiency that others do. We continue to depend on the world around us and refuse to accept that we will not be given everything. We become self-obsessed; our wants and needs become demands. We reach a point where contentment and fulfillment are impossible. People, places, and things cannot possibly fill the emptiness inside of us, and we react to them with resentment, anger, and fear.

Resentment, anger, and fear make up the triangle of self-obsession. All of our defects of character are forms of these three reactions. Self-obsession is at the heart of our insanity.

Resentment is the way most of us react to our past. It is the reliving of past experiences, again and again in our minds. Anger is the way most of us deal with the present. It is our reaction to and denial of reality. Fear is what we feel when we think about the future. It is our response to the unknown; a fantasy in reverse. All three of these things are expressions of our self-obsession. They are the way that we react when people, places, and things (past, present, and future) do not live up to our demands.

In Narcotics Anonymous we are given a new way of life and a new set of tools. These are the Twelve Steps, and we work them to the best of our ability. If we stay clean, and can learn to practice these principles in all our affairs, a miracle happens. We find freedom - from drugs, from our addiction, and from our self-obsession. Resentment is replaced with acceptance; anger is replaced with love; and fear is replaced with faith.

We have a disease that, in the end, forces us to seek help. We are fortunate that we are given only one choice; one last chance. We must break the triangle of self-obsession; we must grow up, or die.

The way we react to people, places and things:



Negative Positive
resentment PAST Acceptance
Anger PRESENT Love
Fear FUTURE Faith

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[stickmonkey]

good stuff from a writer better than me

[caressa]

It is amazing how some people can just put into words what you are thinking. I am grateful that it is progress not perfection.

I can see myself in my son and I know he is acting out in his disease. It isn't the substance that is the problem but the thinking behind it and unless I continue to work the Steps, I can go back into those old behaviors and patterns.

Getting out of self is one of the reasons I come to this site. I could look at four walls and feel sorry for my pain and my loss. It is better to focus on the positive and the gifts that the program has given me. Not monetary ones, but those priceless gifts that I sometimes take for granted. i.e. grace, faith, trust, self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect, self-care, all too numerous to mention.

I am glad these words are here so that I can go back and remind myself where I was at and that this program gives me the tool so I don't have to go back there.

Freedom from self-obsession can be found through concentrating more on the needs of others and less on our own. When others have problems, we can offer help.

It is nice to be affirmed that my thinking isn't too far off.

[caressa]

I am grateful that I could come to the site and share my anxiety. I just received a phone call from the girlfriend that my son was finally contacted by his boss and has gone to work. I thanked her for calling me and letting me know. She sounded sober to me and it looks like my fears were unfounded. My son went there to feed his other addiction.

[SunnyGirl]

( ( ( ( Caressa ) ) ) )

When our "addicted loved ones" are our children, it
gives us a heartache like no other. My son has
had two emergency trips to the hospital and I tense
up when ever I hear a siren.

I'm happy that you got the phone call that eased your
mind. It's easy to say "Let go and Let God", but I
just wish God would nudge me and let me know he
took care of things... Hang in there!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

I too get the shivers when I hear a siren. It always seems to have his number on it.

I too say, "I am sure You know what you are doing, but couldn't You just give me a little hint so We both know. The phone calls were an answer to prayer.

[majestyjo]

Still hate the sound of those sirens. When I hear them I say a prayer.