Post by Lin on Jan 18, 2004 10:27:50 GMT -5
I jsut posted abotu DETACHMENT in the chipping away section. So i thought it might make a perfect topic for the week.
DETACHMENT>>>>>
What is it? How do we detach?
I used to think detachment was cold and uncaring. But I learned it ws just finding a way within us
to keep from allowing the actions and the words of another to get to us. it keeps me from getting hurt. It keeps me from getting sucked into the chaos. It keeps me from taking things so personally all the time. It allows others to face their own actions and the consequences without me prolonging anything for them by catching them each time they fall. Detachment is not cold.
Detachment is sometimes when I find anotehr activity to caruse a distraction or diversion. I have to find somethign to focus my thoughts and actions on. I work a puzzle, do a craft, read from my readings, do a project for school.
It is not ignoring. It is finding peace within myself and allowing the other person the opportunity to grow and change. it is finding a distraction like I mentioned to change my focus. It is also walking away from an argument. It is learning to separate the disease from the person. it allows
me to love my alcoholics and yet hate their disease. It helped me find compassion and serenity.
One way I detach is to walk away from an argument. I say YOU MAY BE RIGHT. Or I say LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS AND TALK TO YOU IN THE MORNING ABOUT IT. That helps avoid unkind words and hurt feelings. It keeps me from having a stomach-ache.
Another way is to let hurtful words go over my head like I have one of those star trek force field shields in front of me. I listen and let it move on past me. I dont accept a criticism that I know is untrue. I remember the person speaking is ill and their disease is making them say these things. I remember that just because they say it does not make it so. I even have some visual things I do to detach.
One way I detach is to allow the other person to face the consequences of their actions. I can't count the times I bailed out the alkies in my life from jail. But then I realised they KNEW they could keep doing it because I'd always be there. I was not allowing them to grow....to learn. So the last time mine was in jail, I did not pay the bail. I did not even pick him up when he left me a message he had been released and was walking home. I did not feel like I was being cold and uncaring. I was in fact helping him learn. He has not been back to jail. The third time a cousin called for bail money, I said NO. She has not been in jail since either.
Detaching is being able to go to sleep and pray for GOD to keep them safe, instead of having to drive around looking for them and dragging them back home.
It really did help me separate the person from their disease. Without detachment I dont think I'd still be maried today. And i KNOW i'd still be very angry with my parents.
How do YOU detach? What does DETACHMENT mean to you?
LIN
DETACHMENT>>>>>
What is it? How do we detach?
I used to think detachment was cold and uncaring. But I learned it ws just finding a way within us
to keep from allowing the actions and the words of another to get to us. it keeps me from getting hurt. It keeps me from getting sucked into the chaos. It keeps me from taking things so personally all the time. It allows others to face their own actions and the consequences without me prolonging anything for them by catching them each time they fall. Detachment is not cold.
Detachment is sometimes when I find anotehr activity to caruse a distraction or diversion. I have to find somethign to focus my thoughts and actions on. I work a puzzle, do a craft, read from my readings, do a project for school.
It is not ignoring. It is finding peace within myself and allowing the other person the opportunity to grow and change. it is finding a distraction like I mentioned to change my focus. It is also walking away from an argument. It is learning to separate the disease from the person. it allows
me to love my alcoholics and yet hate their disease. It helped me find compassion and serenity.
One way I detach is to walk away from an argument. I say YOU MAY BE RIGHT. Or I say LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS AND TALK TO YOU IN THE MORNING ABOUT IT. That helps avoid unkind words and hurt feelings. It keeps me from having a stomach-ache.
Another way is to let hurtful words go over my head like I have one of those star trek force field shields in front of me. I listen and let it move on past me. I dont accept a criticism that I know is untrue. I remember the person speaking is ill and their disease is making them say these things. I remember that just because they say it does not make it so. I even have some visual things I do to detach.
One way I detach is to allow the other person to face the consequences of their actions. I can't count the times I bailed out the alkies in my life from jail. But then I realised they KNEW they could keep doing it because I'd always be there. I was not allowing them to grow....to learn. So the last time mine was in jail, I did not pay the bail. I did not even pick him up when he left me a message he had been released and was walking home. I did not feel like I was being cold and uncaring. I was in fact helping him learn. He has not been back to jail. The third time a cousin called for bail money, I said NO. She has not been in jail since either.
Detaching is being able to go to sleep and pray for GOD to keep them safe, instead of having to drive around looking for them and dragging them back home.
It really did help me separate the person from their disease. Without detachment I dont think I'd still be maried today. And i KNOW i'd still be very angry with my parents.
How do YOU detach? What does DETACHMENT mean to you?
LIN
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.