Those three stinkin' rules...arghh!!

[~graced~]

Yep...raised in an alcoholic household, became an alcoholic....married an alcoholic.. Geeze, do I fit the classical mold of the ACOA!!!!

Those three stinkin' rules: Don't talk. Don't trust. Don't feel. Oy....

For such a rule breaking, anti EVERYTHING, oppositional to the gills kinda gal that I was growing up and still CAN be, those three stinkin' rules in the household sure did get ingrained into me well. Break every rule out there and never ever betray the rules in the home. Lie, cheat and steal...but don't talk, don't trust and don't feel!

Adding booze to the equation only appeared to take away those feelings, diluted that desire to tell someone the truth and the royally ripped me off of embracing the skills that I needed to enter into any kind of meaningful relationship.

Take away the booze, get me outside of the childhood household, get out of the abusive marriage to the alcoholic and toss me in a program of recovery......those rules can still jump up and grab me. Eeeshh...Obviously, I'm not done growing yet! LOL

I don't know about the rest of you, but even in the best of moments I can find myself stuck living out those rules and cheating me and the world around me.

The healing is in the practice of the steps and my relationship with G-d, no doubt... But GEEZE when will I get it perfect? LOLOLOL

~~~Edited to add...
It was a simple "what's up?" question that was asked to me that I opted to lie about versus simply saying what's true. Geeze...guess I get to go back, admit I lied when I answered "nuffin'..." and say what's true!
LOL....stinkin' rules...LOL

[Lin]

I think in my home growing up the two dont talk and dont feel were more prominent than dont trust. That one came by trusting the people who could nto be trusted.

It took me many years of working on myself to feel comfortable going against these three rules.

Great post! THANKS!

LIN

[adagio]

For me it was, don't talk, don't trust and above all NEVER show us or the rest of the world what you are really feeling, in my alcoholic home growing up. It took me a lot of work to thaw out my emotions enough to talk about them. Now that I know what some of the problems are I can start to work on them.

[Lin]

This post had me thinking of some more RULES i ahd growoing up. They sort of overlap the three GRACEd mentioend.

DON'T have na OPINION. If somebody wanted to do something different in my hosue, their opinion was not tolerated. If we were having peaches for dessert, and somebody wanted pears, it was shut up and eat what can i plan to open. That kind of attitude by my parents..both of them, led me to keep quiet when I had an opinion abut anythig. Heaven forbid i might question the fairness of a request. OMG.

And another rule..don't EXPECT parents to follow thruough on promises. They might promise to take me to father daughter brownie banquet. I might look forward to it for 2 months. and on the night of it, he came home drunk and went to bed. Don't expect parents to be proud of any accomplishments. The 7 a's and 2 B's on the report card? they only saw the B's and screamed about them.

I seldem accepted invited to slumber parties or birthday parties because i knew I'd not want to invite them back to MY hosue for fear they'd walk in on a "in house storm". I was ashamed of how my family acted. I did not want my freinds to ever know how bad it was when they fought and screamed and slurred speech.

Lots of rules. I'm glad I can break the cycle. I'm sorry i never had kids, but at least this line of the family tree is stopped.

LIN

[caressa]

It is amazing how often those old tapes can still play. Had a couple playing and it took a while to recognize them for what they were.

One thing I have learned is that I need to bring things out into the open. When they are in the dark they fester and grow often all out of proportion. What was a small thing becomes huge!

Have been doing some reading to find some answers for what seems to be depression and the "I don't care about me attitude I have had lately. "It isn't important, what the heck!" has lead to me getting sick.
My doctor told me my sugar was high a long time ago and I ignored the warning and ended up on metformin. He told me the same about collesterol and didn't look into properly to see how to decrease it, now I have to be on medication for it. I scared me enough that I asked for an ultra sound to check out the cysts that were on my breasts. I get the results on Friday.

[caressa]

I have joined an Internal medicine and health food clinic to help me make healthy choices. Again, it is about me, and how honest I am about my diet, how well I follow the rules, and how badly I want to change. When I first heard their plan, I figured the goal was set too low, I wanted more! She told me that it was realistic and we could always go on from there and make new decisions when the olds ones were met. Go figure! Who would ever thought! New concept for me, short term instead of long term, the whole nine yards. Wanting everything yesterday yet not wanting to put the effort into it, or would start and not finish, or would get to thought and never follow it up with action. I will get out of it only what I put into it.