Stay Open To Our Feelings

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The Language of Letting Go

Staying Open to Our Feelings

Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery.

"If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry."

"I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget."

"I'm not angry. I'm affirming that I'm happy."

These are all statements, some of them quite clever, that indicate we're operating under the "don't feel" rule again.

Part of working a good program means acknowledging and dealing with our feelings. We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn't harden into resentments. We don't use recovery as an excuse to shut down our emotions.

Yes, we are striving for forgiveness, but we still want to feel, listen to, and stay with our feelings until it is time to release them appropriately. Our Higher Power created the emotional part of ourselves. God is not telling us to not feel; it's our dysfunctional systems.

We also need to be careful how we use affirmations; discounting our emotions won't make feelings go away. If we're angry, it's okay to have that feeling. That's part of how we get and stay healthy.

Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.



©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Felt like I could have written this. Kept wanting to say, "Amen, Amen, Amen!"

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From the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Let yourself feel the good feelings too.

Yes, sometimes, good feelings can be as distracting as the painful, more difficult ones. Yes, good feelings can be anxiety producing to those of us unaccustomed to them. But go ahead and feel the good feelings anyway.

Feel and accept the joy. The love. The warmth. The excitement. The pleasure. The satisfaction. The elation. The tenderness. The comfort.

Let yourself feel the victory, the delight.

Let yourself feel cared for.

Let yourself feel respected, important, and special.

These are only feelings, but they feel good. They are full of positive, upbeat energy - and we deserve to feel that when it comes our way.

We don't have to repress. We don't have to talk ourselves out of feeling good - not for a moment.

If we feel it, it's ours for the moment. Own it. If it's good, enjoy it.

Today, God, help me be open to the joy and good feelings available to me.

I was reminded how much my life was focused on the negative instead of the positive. I had trouble finding the positive, mainly because I wasn't looking for it. It seemed like my whole life was filled with bad feelings and bad thoughts.

Over the years I used different things to stuff those negative feelings. I didn't know that when I stuffed negative I was also stuffing the postive, although at the time, I didn't know it was there.

When I came into recovery, I had to balance out my character defects with postitive attributes. I was reminded that my using wasn't the issue, the problem was me. Even when I got by the prescription drugs and alcohol, I had to look at all the other things that I used to focused outside of myself instead of looking in and connecting with my Higher Power. Over the years it has been relationships, long hours of work, food, shopping (especially buying things I didn't need or could afford), getting caught up in busy i.e. service, my computer which led me to sites and playing games, and reading (burying my nose in a book and shutting the world off). All things are good in their place but not when used as an escape from feeling and reality.

There has to be time for fun. I had to learn to let my inner child to play. Yet I also had to put her to rest and be responsible too.

I was looking outside for validation, self-worth, affirmation, self-esteem, self-respect, forgiveness, compassion, and love. I couldn't find them in me so I looked to find them from you.

The tools of the program lead to new awareness. Do I utilize this gift to it's fullest in my life to change and grow or do I continue to practice old behaviors and patterns?

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So many times we say feelings and we think of the negative. We forget that when we shut down feelings, we shut down the good ones as well as the ones that are not so good. We end up that walking 'IT' with no feelings, because we refuse to feel, shutting off God, and playing God with our own life. We are totally incapable of true love.



It is surprising how many sabatoge them, they get on cloud nine, not use to being there, and something comes along, and they fall hard. It is recognizing that we don't have to have those extreme highs and lows any more. It isn't about either/or, they just are. So I am feeling bad, what can I do to change it. What do I need to do about it, pray, turn it over to God, call my sponsor, come to the site, ask for help or share how the program works for you and/or ask for feed back about how other members handled similiar situations. Feeling good, thank God, call my sponsor, come to the site, share on the site, pass the message of recovery.

I went to a morning meeting one day, a guy said, "How are you? I said, "Fine, I am having a good day." He said, "What are you doing here?" I said, "Carrying the message by passing it on."

I may have this wrong, but I think I need to share myself, I need to give and let people know who I am. I can say hello to people, but it is up to me to be honest, open, and willing.

Tonight I went to a meeting and saw a friend I hadn't seen for a long time. She came in very young and brought in her mother. She has over 30 years of recovery. She told me that I look great and that I wore my sobriety well. It was a warm fuzzy moment considering she has close to 35 years and about 20 years younger than me. I just heard she is newly married, so just seeing her tonight was a blessing in itself. The good things that recovry brngs.