The Language of Letting Go. 2/18 Being Right

[lildee]

The Language of Letting Go.


Being Right

Recovery is not about being right; it's about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are.

That concept can be difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the "right wrong" justice scale. The person who was right was okay; the person who was wrong was shamed. All value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant annihilation of self and self-esteem.

In recovery, we are learning how to strive for love in our relationships, not superiority. Yes, we may need to make decisions about people's behavior from time to time. If someone is hurting us, we need to stand up for ourselves. We have a responsibility to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. But we do not need to justify taking care of ourselves by condemning someone else. We can avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of ourselves.

In recovery, we are learning that what we do needs to be right only for us. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. It's tempting to rest in the superiority of being right and in analyzing other people's motives and actions, but it's more rewarding to look deeper.

Today, I will remember that I don't have to hide behind being right. I don't have to justify what I want and need with saying something is "right" or "wrong." I can let myself be who I am.

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[lildee]

This particular paragragh stood out for me:-

"In recovery, we are learning that what we do needs to be right only for us. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. "

In early recovery being right was one of my defects so a very wise sponsor had some wonderful slogans she gave me... "How important is it ?" and "Do you want to be right ... or Happy?"

When I get in that "I am right mode" I remember these in my mind and alter my attitude pronto.

Love & God Bless
Arlene

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing Lildee, the same passage stuck out for me. I don't always have the wise perceptive of this, I saw that I could still go there and need work in this area.

I was at a meeting on Wednesday night, and a woman shut me down, and the only thing she didn't do was raise the hand at me. I got the feeling that if it has been anyone else, she would have done it more politely or at least waited until I paused instead of interrupting me in the midst of a sentence. I have often gotten the feeling that this woman feel like I am a threat to her, yet there is no way I want her job or her sobriety unfortunately. There seems to be jealousy there as well, and it isn't nice or easy being the recipient of it. In the moment I was hurt by her actions, yet as you say, "I had to ask myself, 'How important is it?' and is it worth getting upset over it, or making a big issues of her actions?" Of course, it was not. I knew why she acted the way she did, I know she is dealing with her own issues, and I didn't have to take them on or feel responsible. This was a big step for me, in the past I always did.

I am grateful that this is one day at a time program, and that I don't have to look at years of recovery but just look and deal with today.