Step Eleven

[caressa]

Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hope for himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able to find some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do by what he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by "self forgetting," and how did he propose to accomplish that? He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it; better to understand than to be understood; better to forgive than to be forgiven. This much could be a fragment of what is called meditation, perhaps our very first attempt at a mood, a flier into the realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by a good look at where we stand now, and a further look at what might happen in our lives were we able to move closer to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse.

This is a case of getting out of ourselves, so we can help others. I always had problems with the forgiveness. I found that it was because I had absolutely no forgiveness for myself let alone any one else. I did not have a giving heart and had to pray and ask for the healing.

For most of my life I thought that I had given only to be dumped on or taken advantage of and behind my thinking was, "What is in it for me?" My motive and intent was not always for good but for the good of me. Yet in a lot of areas, I was a caretaker and a care giver and didn't give to myself and I would forget to fill up so I would have something to give.

When you continue to give, when the tank is on empty, you are operating on fumes and your words and deeds don't have much substance. My heart had to be in the right place.

I had to take that me first attitude and change it around. What I also had to learn was, it isn't about me last all the time either. It was about balance, taking the quiet time to connect to my Higher Power and through Him/Her, all things are possible. It doesn't not come FROM me, it comes from WITHIN me.

[caressa]

Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way. But its object is always the same: to improve our conscious contact with God, with His grace, wisdom, and love. And let's always remember that meditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its first fruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we understand Him.

Love the last two lines, they alone are good reasons to learn to meditate. Meditation has taken me in several directions, using different gendres, and examining various religions and beliefs.
I love candles, light, music, and things that give me pause for thought. Something that will help me find quiet and still my own mind so I can find the answers within. I had trouble with the internal chatter and the incessant babbling of the big "I" who thought she knew it all, along with the old tapes of beliefs and religious rules and regulations which caused a lot of should I or shouldn't Is, which led me to a lot of confusion and indecision.

I had to make God personal. I had to come to believe and learn to trust that belief and know that it would carry me through. I had to learn a way to connect with it. It was an adventure. I called it a spiritual quest.

[caressa]

Now, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heart and mind to God--and in this sense it includes meditation. How may we go about it? And how does it fit in with meditation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition to God. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try to ask for those right things of which we and others are in the greatest need. And we think that the whole range of our needs is well defined by that part of Step Eleven which says: "...knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." A request for this fits in any part of our day. In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhaps we think of our day's work and the chances it may afford us to be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that it may bring.

Have heard many times, prayer is asking for help and meditation is the listening for the answer(s). I have also head that the best prayer and the shortest one is "Help!"

When I come to any situation during the day, "I ask for the good orderly direction and knowingness I need for each situation." I try not take my God for granted. Just because I ask for help through the day, and though I trust Him to be there, I like to surrender the moment to Him." By offering up a prayer, I know He is there. I know He is listening. I know I will get an answer, be it yes or no. As I have stated before, if I don't know, then the time is not right and the answer is no and/or I haven't been patient enough to wait upon the answer.

I am also of the mind that my needs are met. The only difference being, what I think I need and what my Higher Power thinks I need may not be the same thing.

When I pray for others, I pray that they get what they need. I try not to presume or play God with their lives by assuming that I know what is good for someone else. I also pray that they be open to receiving God's blessing.

When I get those 'really big ones" I try to send knee mail although I can't always get down for the occasion, I know my God knows my intent and motive are honorable. I will never forget the first time that I kneeled beside my bed in early recovery, and after saying a prayer, I felt peace go from the top of my head to the tip of my toes and i felt as though I had been touched by His Hand.

[caressa]

Possibly today will see a continuation of a serious and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday. Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solutions to specific problems, and for the ability to help other people as we have already thought they should be helped. In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore, we ought to consider each request carefully to see what its real merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification: "...if it be Thy will." We ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the best understanding of His will that we can have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which we may carry it out.

For many years, I tried to play God with my life and that of others. With an inflated ego, which I didn't even want to own up to, I assumed I knew what was best for all, especially if you listened to what I had to say.

In recovery over the years, I learned, often the hard way, that all I could do was share my experience, strength, and hope and what others did with it, was none of my business.

It took me about seven years to not learn to ask for specifics. I always did say, "Thy will not mine be done" and yet when I appraised it, I saw that it was often said in rote, just a part of a prayer and not with much meaning behind it. It was more like, "Listen up God, this guy really needs help, I think it is time for you to do your part, I have done all I can." That is why they call it a change in attitude to bring about change and aid recovery.

I especially like the last line of this paragraph. I do ask for the knowing. I ask to be open to receive His will. For me there are several indicators of knowing, if I am in God's will or my own. One is going downtown and not seeing a single person I know. Another is if my head is busy with thoughts of what I should have been doing back home and know that I am in the wrong place. It makes me aware of the fact that I just wanted to run away from home and not take responsibility for what needs to be done, like dishes and laundry. On the other side, getting the thought, following through on it, sometimes on things as simple as taking something out of the freezer, or taking a different route downtown and running into someone I had been thinking about or hadn't seen for a long time. It is God's grace that gives me a phone call, just when I need it. Be it to play bridge, talk to an ex-sponsee, and/or a ride to pick up groceries. Two of my ex-sponsees live out of town and the other one, just called me to say she was moving across the street from me at the end of the month and another one contacts me by internet several times a month. Today, I got the nudge to call a friend who has a panic/anxiety disorder. She was going through a difficult time. Yet it was good for me to talk to her just as much as my calling helped her.

[caressa]

As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request: "Thy will, not mine, be done." If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit us to return to the surest help of all--our search for God's will, not our own, in the moment of stress. At these critical moments, if we remind ourselves that "it is better to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved," we will be following the intent of Step Eleven. Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that the question is often asked: "Why can't we take a specific and troubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer secure from Him sure and definite answers to our requests?" This can be done, but it has hazards.

The thing that stuck out for me was opening up a channel. If I pray and ask for help, a channel is opened through all the chaos and disruptive feelings that allows me to find away through them.

Thy will, not mine is something I say after every prayer, because it is my tendancy to do the opposite of what I am told to do. Often having to pray for the willingness to be willing.

I am reminded of what I was told, "Do the next right thing." Wasn't always sure of what that was. For me, if it is for the Highest Good of all concerned, it can't be bad. When it comes to my Higher Good, it is important for me to play the scenario right to the end. If it relates to my past, then there is probably a good reason to stay away and change direction.

As my spiritual advisor continually reminded me, when the time is right, you will know. If you are in doubt and not sure, then the time is not right and it is best to just be and wait on God's will instead of acting out on your will.

[caressa]

We have seen A.A.'s ask with much earnestness and faith for God's explicit guidance on matters ranging all the way from a shattering domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minor personal fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, the thoughts that seem to come from God are not answers at all. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rationalizations. The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his life rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions he instantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility that his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guidance.

Got caught up in the trap at one time in the past. Realized that I was playing God with my life and that of others, thinking I knew what was best and what I needed and they needed. A big ego trip and one that caused a very big rude awakening.

I pray for the Highest Good of all, asking for God's will not mine. I do pray for what I need to change the energies around me if they are not for my Higher Good. Things are projected onto us and it is up to us as to whether we take them on. It take a lot of prayer and meditation to know what is right or wrong. I always have to remember, it isn't about the other person, it is always about me. My reaction, my thoughts, my decisions, my choices, and as it says here, wishful thinking.

One of my biggest defects of character was self-justification. It was followed very closely by rationalization. It as indeed something that I had to take to my Higher Power and ask to be changed. It is a work in progress.

[caressa]

With the best of intentions, he tends to force his own will into all sorts of situations and problems with the comfortable assurance that he is acting under God's specific direction. Under such an illusion, he can of course create great havoc without in the least intending it. We also fall into another similar temptation. We form ideas as to what we think God's will is for other people. We say to ourselves, "This one ought to be cured of his fatal malady," or "That one ought to be relieved of his emotional pain," and we pray for these specific things. Such prayers, of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are based upon a supposition that we know God's will for the person for whom we pray. This means that side by side with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of presumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.'s experience that particularly in these cases we ought to pray that God's will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves. In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience.

Because I had a head ache for a week, I chose not to post on the Step. For me, it is important to have a clear head and feel connected to my Higher Power.

Like it says here, I don't want to assume I know what is best when in fact my head is hurting and I am not sure if it my HP that is doing the thinking or just me and my thoughts.

Especially, when it comes to this section because I was one of the people described here. I was the eternal caretaker for years and figured I had the best of intentions and my motives were good because I wanted to take care of you. It didn't matter if God wanted to take care of you, I was going to give Him a helping hand, even set Him straight on a few fact in case He never noticed.

In today, I pray and ask that God bestow His Blessings and Grace and give them what they need according to His Divine Will. It is always, Thy will, not mine be done!

I never thought that God may have a hidden agenda that I didn't know about. Wasn't He suppose to put me in the Know when I asked. Why should I know about you, when I didn't always know about me?

Prayer does work. As my aunt said to me, "I prayed for you then, I pray for you now, just continue what you are doing and I will continue to pray for you." 19 years later I am still clean and sober.

[caressa]

All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances. We discover that we do receive guidance for our lives to just about the extent that we stop making demands upon God to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost any experienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken remarkable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried to improve his conscious contact with God. He will also report that out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does "move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform."

One of my favorite passages in recovery literature. It has to be experienced to be believed. That peace you feel when all around you is chaos.

I know that when my pain is extra bad, I know it is something that I am not doing or something I need to do that I have been in denial about. Yet as it says here, when we work through it, we are the better for it.

For me it was the little things that seemed to be huge. Like a woman looking at me and asking me to mind her purpose and her shopping bags. The ability to see a rose amongs a lot of gray and dark buildings, with next to no lawn. the ability to see a sunbeam break through a cloud. The calm I feel even though emotions seem to be rampant and I no longer react, I can hestitate and meditate before speaking or choosing to act.

Today's miracle was finding an awesome link on one of my sites. People, places and things that make me aware that my God is with me. I am no longer alone.

[caressa]

All this should be very encouraging news for those who recoil from prayer because they don't believe in it, or because they feel themselves cut off from God's help and direction. All of us, without exception, pass through times when we can pray only with the greatest exertion of will. Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us.

Have been here several times in my life. Not knowing who God was, not wanting to believe that God was who I was told He was, and had nothing but anger, resentment and often contempt for religion as a whole.

I found that it wasn't so much the belief but the rules and regulations that were man made. God says....! Who knows! Have you met Him lately! I limited my God by my narrow outlook on life. I limited Him and didn't allow Him to work in my life. I blocked Him because I didn't think He believed in me.

So many times I had to pray for the willingness to be willing. Willing to belief, willing to trust, willing to let go and let God.

We no longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer lost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter.

The words speak for themselves. As I came to believe, I was able to heal and grow in the program. Recovery was a process. It was learning to trust that process. Learning to meditate. Learning to spend time alone with my God. Learning to open to new concepts and beliefs. Today, my God is all things. He is capable of doing all things. Through Him, all things are possible.

[caressa]

STEP ELEVEN: Sought through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God as we
understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His
will for us and the power to carry that out.

"Meditation is something which can always be further
developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or
height. Aided by such instruction and example as we
can find, it is essentially an individual adventure,
something which each one of us works out in his own
way. But its object is always the same: to improve
our conscious contact with God, with His grace,
wisdom, and love. And let's always remember that
meditation is in reality intensely practical."

c. 1952, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 101

**************************************************

"Just For Today!" Web Site: www.aahistory.com/jft.html

This was posted on my site Soundness of Mind in 2005. This was an e-mail I received regularly and the service was discontinued in 2008

Meditation has always been such a big part of my recovery. It is always good to have other people's words to think on.

[majestyjo]

~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

~ Step Eleven ~

A prayer is a humble and heartfelt communication with a power greater than yourself. A prayer can admit a weakness, communicate a need, or convey praise and gratitude. Prayers can unburden your heart, give you strength and courage, and deepen your faith and trust in a Higher Power. Use the following prayer as you work on your understanding and acceptance of Step Eleven.

Step Eleven Prayer

Higher Power, I humbly ask that you make me an ambassador of your peace. Help me to understand your will for me so that I may carry out acts of kindness, respect, and love for myself and for others. I pray to you for continual guidance. I resolve to connect with you every day and in every way, so I may grow stronger and more sure of myself in recovery. Through such daily prayer, I trust in your assurance that I will follow the right path.

I promise to keep my connection with you for all of my days and nights. You will show me the way to live, free from addiction and fully engaged with my life. Higher Power, thank you for listening to my prayer.

[majestyjo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

October 27

Step Eleven

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. --Step Eleven of Al Anon
"... praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out" means that we ask on a daily basis to be shown the plan for that day. We also ask our Source for the power we need to carry that through. We will get a yes to both requests.

We do not ask other people to show their will for us. We ask God. Then we trust that we'll be empowered to carry God's will through.
God never, never asks us to do anything that He would not equip us to do. He never asks us to do anything we can't do. If we are to do it, we will be empowered. That's the easy part of this program. We never have to do more than we can, or anything we can't. If we want to worry and fuss we can, but we don't need to. That is our choice.

I have learned, through difficult and good times that this Step will carry me through. When I don't know what to do next, God does. Working this Step, one day at a time, will take us to places we could never have traveled on our own. Simple acts, done daily in accordance to God's will for us, lead to a Grand Plan for our life.
Today, I will focus on asking God to show me what He wants me to do. I will ask God for the power to do that; then I will go ahead and get the job done. God, help me let go of my fears about living life one day at a time. Help me trust that when life is lived simply and in trust, a beautiful mosaic called "my life" will be woven. I am being divinely led, guided, and cared for.

Today I practice restraint of tongue and pen and I do not hurt anyone intentionally. Today I give myself time to express myself appropriately. Today I go beyond negative feelings. I act as if I am coming from a place of love. --Ruth Fishel

[majestyjo]

Keep It Simple

Sought through pray and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . First half of Step Eleven

Through Step Eleven, we develop a lasting, loving relationship with our Higher Power. Conscious contact means knowing and sensing God in our lives throughout the day.

God is not just an idea. We talk with our Higher Power through prayer. As we meditate, we sense God’s love for us, and we get answers to our questions. When we pray and meditate, we become aware that God is always with us. Our Higher Power becomes our best friend. Our Higher Power is there for advice, support, celebration, comfort.

Prayer for the Day: Dear Higher Power, I pray that our relationship grows stronger every day. I accept the friendship You offer me.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll seek out God through prayer and meditation.

Had to make my relationship to my Higher Power personal.  Meditation has always been a big part of my recovery.

[caressa222]

Keep It Simple

. . .praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. --Second half of Step Eleven

Step Eleven teaches us how to pray. We pray for God's will to replace ours. Our will got us in trouble. God's will guides us to simple serenity. We pray for power to live a spiritual life. This is important, for it takes much strength and courage to live a spiritual life.

The sober path is not always easy. It takes self-discipline. We have to say no to our self-will. We follow God's will for us. The rewards are great. We get sobriety. We get serenity. We get friendship. We regain our family. We get a deep, loving relationship with a Higher Power who wants peace and joy for us and for the world.

Prayer for the Day: Dear Higher Power, I pray the words of Step Eleven. I pray to know Your will for me. And I pray that I have the power to carry out Your will.

Action for the Day: I will examine my life. I will look to see how my will gets in the way of God's will.

[majestyjo]

Keep It Simple

November 5

Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100%
 sobriety. --Grapevine.

Acceptance and faith are the most important parts of our recovery. If we boil down Steps One

And Two, we'll find acceptance and faith. Acceptance means we see the world as it is, not as we want it to be. We start to see ourselves as humans, not as gods. We are good, and we are bad. We need to fit in the world, not run it.

Acceptance also guides us toward faith. Faith is believing. We start to believe that someone or something will take care of us. Faith is about giving up control of outcomes. We learn to say to our Higher Power, “Thy will be done.”

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power help me accept my illness. Give me the faith to know that You and I, together, will keep me sober.

Action for the Day: Throughout the day, I'll think of the 11th step. I'll pray to my Higher Power, “Thy Will be done, not mine.” Amen.

[majestyjo]

STEP ELEVEN INVENTORY QUESTIONS
TO BE ASKED AT NIGHT
QUESTION YES NO
Was I resentful today?
Was I selfish today?
Was I dishonest today?
Do I owe an apology?
Have I kept something to myself
which should be discussed with another
person at once?
Was I kind toward all?
Was I loving toward all?
What could I have done better?
Was I thinking of myself most of the time?
Did I think of what I could do for others?
Did I think of what I could pack into the stream of life?

Be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that
would diminish your usefulness to others. After making this review ask for
God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.
Reference=Alcoholics Anonymous, page 86

A.S.A.P.