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Post by ~graced~ on Aug 25, 2005 7:22:15 GMT -5
criticizing/look for the good
I used to spend time looking for validation of my beliefs about life and people--not a whole lot of those beliefs were very positive. I pretty well reeked of pessimism and spent a whole lot of time questioning anything remotely 'good', knowing it came with strings attached and that other 'shoe' was going to fall. G-d was capricious and I knew it.
I like this other side of the coin and trust that all things truly do happen for the good, even if I don't understand it. That doesn't mean I'm always HAPPY about the circumstances, but I'm clear they're simply the circumstances and not my destiny.
I will admit that my 'looking for the good' can sometimes leave people rolling their eyes....LOL Mostly cuz they're looking for validation of their feelings about the circumstances in their life and I'm going on about trusting the greater plan and looking for some good in those circumstances. I GOTTA remember to do that FIRST....maybe the eye rolling will get less? LOL
Have a great Thursday out there!
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Post by caressa on Aug 25, 2005 10:18:24 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing, good stuff! I was big on validation, needed it from outside because I could find none within myself. I have always been my own worst task master. I validated the self-abuse by saying, "I don't do or say anything that I wouldn't do for myself!" I do ask for feedback once in a while, I do think it is needed because often my perception can be off. It isn't an ego thing like it was before, but a look at where I am at, and do I need to change the direction I am heading. As much as I would like to think so, I am not always right. I don't always like criticism, but I think when it is given, it is up to me to decide whether it is good or bad. Everyone has their opinion, including me.
What I have a problem with are those who say, "You can't feel this or that" or "You shouldn't feel .....", they are my feelings, but again it is my responsibilty to take owner ship and put the right label on them. Many times we feel anger and forget that there are other contributing factors such as insecurity, fear, and grief behind it.
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Post by lildee on Aug 25, 2005 12:42:34 GMT -5
criticizing/praise
For me I have gotten a lot better with the criticizing part. Now I try to stick to constuctive criticism and even try to do that gently.
Honestly though I could use a lot more work in doling out the praise. Guess it's a throwback to my childhood where there was no praise but only put downs. So I have rarely seen praise given freely. I am a lot better with giving positive comments though. I just wonder if praise is always justified? Should you be given praise for something that you are supposed to do anyway? We all have our responsibilities and jobs to deal with. Should you be given praise for doing them? I can see if you do a job above and beyond the call of duty then praise is justified. But doing an ordinary routine job.... just my humble thoughts.
Love & God Bless
lildee
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Post by caressa on Aug 25, 2005 13:14:43 GMT -5
When I read your post my friend, I thought of NA meetings. When people share, take part in the readings and putting on of the meetings, everyone thanks them for participating.
For many years I didn't partifiplate in life, for many years I wasn't able to do the 'ordinary' things, for many years, and even in today, little things can overwhelm me and I often have to put them off until such a time as I can handle and deal with them. Part of it is because of my fibromyalgai, yet for the most part, it is daily conditioning and old tapes playing. A little goodness goes a long way yet too much can be kind of sickening. My aunt had a friend who use to say "Too sweet to be wholesome!"
I don't expect praise, don't handle it well, but it sure is nice to receive. Giving a well done, reminds me that Jesus/God which ever, said, "Well done my good and faithful servant."
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Post by Lin on Aug 26, 2005 3:34:11 GMT -5
Sorry I missed this yesterday. It was one of those days....Wal mart twice and hardees before 6, then school until 3, manicure until 4, dentist until 5:30 and FINALLY got to go home to eat something and crash.
Wonderful topic. I also like to stay in the "looking for the good". I was treated with criticism most of my life...so i KNOW how that feels on the receiving end. But what we live with we practice. What we practice we learn. ANd I learned to also be critical. I am now tryingto recognize when I am being judgemental or critical...when I am butting in MY nose and it does not belong.
I think the important part to remember in CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM...is not that I am saying this to them because i know what it right and I want them to see that. Not at all. CONSTRUCT means to BUILD UP. A constructive criticism must BUILD UP the self esteem and the character and the talents of another or is is plain ole CRITICIM. Just my opinion.
Looking for the good in others helps me find compassion and helps me love the unlovable. It helps me see that we are all equal in the eyes of our HP and it's not up to me to set anybody straight.
When it comes to being critical...I do try to avoid it. Like I said. I know how it feels. And today I choose not to make another person feel that way on my account.
LIN
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Post by Lin on Aug 26, 2005 4:04:30 GMT -5
Sorry I missed this yesterday. It was one of those days....Wal mart twice and hardees before 6, then school until 3, manicure until 4, dentist until 5:30 and FINALLY got to go home to eat something and crash.
Wonderful topic. I also like to stay in the "looking for the good". I was treated with criticism most of my life...so i KNOW how that feels on the receiving end. But what we live with we practice. What we practice we learn. ANd I learned to also be critical. I am now tryingto recognize when I am being judgemental or critical...when I am butting in MY nose and it does not belong.
I think the important part to remember in CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM...is not that I am saying this to them because i know what it right and I want them to see that. Not at all. CONSTRUCT means to BUILD UP. A constructive criticism must BUILD UP the self esteem and the character and the talents of another or is is plain ole CRITICIM. Just my opinion.
Looking for the good in others helps me find compassion and helps me love the unlovable. It helps me see that we are all equal in the eyes of our HP and it's not up to me to set anybody straight.
When it comes to being critical...I do try to avoid it. Like I said. I know how it feels. And today I choose not to make another person feel that way on my account.
LIN
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.