Saturday insincerity/straightforwardness

[~graced~]

Wooooohooooo for the weekend! (just had to say that--it's been a busy, busy week!)

insincerity/straightforwardness

Oh BOY was I about as insincere as I could get. And kindly--no. I didn't have a whole lot of nice things to say about anything or any situation. My 'straightforwardness' was "saying it like I saw it" and giving myself the license to do just that (distorted as my perception was) because no one else had the balls to tell YOU the truth. I hid my own delapidated sense of worth and value behind my brassiness. And I frequently lied, even in sobriety, to get what I wanted from you. Master manipulator--'just giving you the facts ma'am'. Small wonder people were intimidated by me and found me pretty unapproachable. You couldn't trust anything coming out of my mouth to BE sincere.

I'm a pretty straightforward gal today. You really can bank I'm going to tell you what's true for ME, cuz I don't know what's true for you OR what's good for you. If you want, I'll give back to you what I see--but the motives are entirely different today. There's no 'oneupsmanship' attached to it.

On occasion, I wander back into the ego and pride and I veer away from that straightforwardness. I never end up proud of that in the long run and I get to go back and make it right with those I wrong.
There's a passion in me today to BE sincere and genuine with folks when it comes to their own significance in the scheme of things. And I try hard to keep it there cuz it's G-d's message I need to carry and His agenda, not mine.

Have a grand weekend, folks!

[Lin]

thanks graced. In the several years i ahve known you, i see lots of sincerity. You do say itlike it is, but you do so in such a caring and sincere way.You've said some harsh tihngs to me, but it made me open my eyes. (such as how long to do you plan to tolerate this before you change someting?) I am SOOOOOOOO thankfoul to you for your patience with me and for taking the time.

I am a pretty straightforward person too. If a person has hurt me, I do tell them. But today I do it in a kind way instead of lashing out. I do give my opinin. but today I dont rehash that opinion over and over until others get sick of hearing it. That's being a NAG. And today I choose not to fall intot hat category.

Have a wonderful weekend!

LIN

[caressa]

Great topic. What you see is what you get when you meet me. It never use to be that way. I wore many masks and I was always who you wanted me to be. I thought I was sincere, but when you can't feel, you are numbed out, how can you be honest. It wasn't just the prescription drugs, it was the relationships, the alcohol, the work, the food, all things that I used to escape from myself or stuff the feelings I couldn't deal with. My codependency didn't allow me to have my own identification. I always found it through someone or something else.

I could swear I knew how you were feeling but didn't know how I was feeling myself.

The greatest gift that I have received from this program is my sense of self. The ability to know myself in an honest way so that I can share with you my experience, strength and hope. As you say, I can only speak my own truth, I had to learn that my truth wasn't always someone else's and to accept them and myself for where we are at on our road to recovery and outside in the world with those who don't have recovery. I have to remember, they don't have program, but that doesn't mean that I can't work mine.