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Post by Cherie on May 25, 2009 14:13:34 GMT -5
I am an angry smoker of cigarettes!
It seems the more laws they pass to restrict smoking, the more taxes they heap on this legal substance, the angrier I become! An alcoholic can walk into any bar and get a drink, but he can not light up that demon cigarette.....
I think I use my anger to continue my addiction to them.... I would love to quit, but I have smoked for over 40 years and any damage it's done to my lungs, will not be changed by my quitting. If I quit, I would like to quit by hypnosis.... Just erase the habit from my brain and take with it all the nasty cravings!
I have worked the 12 steps, I have used the slogans and they have greatly helped me to rein in my compulsive need to fix my addicted loved ones.... I would recommend the 12- step programs to anyone in need! But it's not for me, not now! Maybe God will put it on my heart? but it won't happen one second sooner than it's supposed to!
Hmmmm.... I really do sound like an addict!
Keep the faith, Cherie
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Post by caressa on May 25, 2009 18:32:58 GMT -5
Hmmmmmm! Seem to remember being there, doing that! I couldn't quit until I found a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical reason for quitting. I had to pray for the willingness to be willing and that didn't come very quickly because I fought it. I liked smoking. I enjoyed smoking. I too resented when Icouldn't have a cup of coffee without a cigarette. I had to give up the coffee, the two went together. A good reason to have a resentment and not quit. I use to tell my family, "If you are going to pray for me to quit smoking, do it more quietly, the more I hear you the more I want to keep smoking."
Fear of putting on weight kept me smoking for a long time. People would say, "We will love you even if you put on 20-30 lbs." I would say, "Yes, but I wouldn't love myself." I ended up using the program and substituted it instead of food and lost 3 lbs. My friend said, "Don't tell anyone that, they will resent you for life!" I sent to NA for Nicotine Anonymous. I picked up my keytags. It was important to acknowlede to cravings and desires just like it was when I gave up my other addictions. I want a F&*KING cigarette, but just for today I choose not to have one.
It was really hard. It was harder than pills and alcohol. I still want to smoke in today. Not sure if that is because I never asked for the craving to be taken away.
Cigarettes stuffed my feelings and emotions. It helped me to control them and as the saying goes, if you have to control them, they are already out of control. I had to quit for my emotional sobriety. I wanted to be a clean and clear channel to carry the message of recovery. I needed to quit if I wanted to live. When I did quit, I found that I was allergic to smoke of any kind and I think they were a big part of my migraine problem for years. After I quit smoking, I never had a migraine that put me to bed let alone in the hospital. They changed my blood pressure medication and the same time, so it is hard to tell. Except for the fact that when I am around smoke (after meetings is the worst), I end up with a headache, nausea and have problems breathing. Yet there is still that feeling, I woul just LOVE a cigarette yet I know it would kill me faster than any alcohol or pill. The insanity of the disease!
I too resented having to quit. As my sponsor said, "There was no reason to continue smoking but there were a lot of excuses. I hung onto them for dear life. I didn't even try until I was seven years sober. I tried and picked up again. December 21, 1998 was the day of my last cigarette. Over ten years ago, and they can still do a number on my head.
I tried the pill to quit. It triggered my other addictions, especially the stinking thnking. I took a pill, why am I still craving. This is suppose to go away, why hasn't the feeling gone away yet. I was looking for the quick fix. The whole mental attitude came back. I gave my Zyban to someone else who wanted to quit. It did it's job and made the cigarettes taste terrible and I didn't like the taste. The Nicorettes did too! I had a friend who used accupressure. It worked for him but not for me.
I had the Serenity Prayer for quitting smoking. It actually helped. Haven't come across it in my editing but will post a copy if I find it. It may even be here in an old archieve file.
My prayers are with you.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jun 19, 2010 15:17:06 GMT -5
I had forgotten about making this post and I went back and reread your reply Caressa and it is so spot on..... My powerlessness over nicotine is glaringly apparent to me! My first week of cutting down from 2+ packs a day to approx. 3 to 5 cigs a day has held pretty well with the exception of the last 3 days or so and I am up to 7. I have the prescription for Chantix but have not filled it yet, as I haven't chosen the day that I am willing to get really serious about quitting. I'm not concerned so much with weight gain, I can stand to gain a few pounds, but the gnawing in my stomach is not hunger but anxiety. Or maybe "stinkin thinkin"! Today I wanted a cig in the worst way, but made myself get the vacuum out and do the whole house before have a puff or two. It's almost torcher.... I do think finding the doctor and taking these baby steps are God's way of nudging me to get willing to let them go..... It's still ODAT..... Hugs, SunnyGirl
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Post by caressa on Jun 19, 2010 16:25:20 GMT -5
My thought today was, "How many times did I drink to someone else's health." Meanwhile, I was ruining mine and not caring about it. How many times I picked up a cigarette because someone told me I should quit and in utter rebellion picked up another one.
A cigarette in today would probably kill me faster than a drink would. People say they are harmless. They don't cause blackouts. You are not hurting anyone else. This has been proven to be wrong and yet there is no real rhythm or reason to cancer of any form. There is no respector of persons just as there is no distinguishing of who becomes an alcoholic.
Good luck on your efforts. It was the hardest thing for me to quit. I still get days where a cigarette would taste real good just about now!
I picked up my first cigarette when I was 17. I couldn't make the decision to quit until I was 7 years sober.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jul 7, 2010 14:16:54 GMT -5
I am finding that the worst part of trying to quit smoking is the habit as opposed to the addiction. I am a former smoker of more than 40 cigarettes a day and have cut it back to no more than 8 in a day. The addiction has most definitely lessened but the habit is much more difficult.
The days that I have the most success are the ones that I have something to do or somewhere to go. I never bring them with me and tough it out until I get home. I will only take a puff or two and can stretch one cig, over 2 or 3 hours. I have not set a date to quit and know I am procrastinating, but I want to try the Chantix prescription, with the hope it will help me and give me the boost I need.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers and if you are trying to quit and having more success than I am, please share your thoughts. One day at a time.....
Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl
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Post by caressa on Jul 8, 2010 5:12:57 GMT -5
Had to break the habits before I could put down the cigarette. I stopped drinking coffee because the two seemed to go together. Pushed away form the table and cleared my dishes to fill up the space that I would normally take for a cigarette. I would put something on TV to distract me. The computer is good but can be an addiction in itself. I love playing Bejewelled2.
I took to carrying things and holding thins like crystals, a small medicine wheel, or sometimes just a pretty stone that I found which helped me to be grounded in the moment. Something to do with my hands as I didn't knit or crochet. I bought paints and I never used them.
Good luck on your endeavors my friend. It is not easy, but oh so worth it. I haven't had a migraine that has put me into bed let alone a hospital as a result of my not smoking. I found out I was allergic to smoke itself.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jul 12, 2010 14:14:20 GMT -5
OMG....
Giving up my coffee would be a nightmare.... I understand what you are saying, change things up, I'm trying to do this by including food. ;D I am not a big eater and between the coffee and nicotine I rarely get hungry before dinner time. Having cut back I have found my appetite! In the morning, I make it a point to have at least something to eat or pick on while reading the paper. Also, I am eating more fresh fruit snacks and pretzels.... I love pretzel sticks!
Now, when I don't think I can make it a moment longer, I will walk outside or find something to occupy me until it passes. It helps but there is nothing better than having super strong will power and that I am going to have to continue working on.... Hugs, SG
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Post by caressa on Jul 14, 2010 9:20:52 GMT -5
Hope all goes well. Will power didn't work for me. Again, it was my program. Praying for the willingness to be willing. When I surrender, I am empowered to do what I need to do on a dialy basis. The more people told me I should, my won't power came out to play. I enjoyed smoking. I enjoyed stuffing those feelings, especially those of hunger and the ability to hide all my emotions. If I had a cigarette, all was well. It was my God.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jul 15, 2010 11:49:25 GMT -5
another reason to quit smoking.... I've not had health insurance for almost 5 years and set out with the help of my insurance agent to find some. I selected the one that was most appealing to me, for a cost of approximately $425 a month. Just heard from them and they will accept me, but will increase the amount of the policy by 70%..... I refused it! I am now going to have him check into catastrophic coverage for hospitalization only and will go to my new doctor and pay cash for visits and prescriptions. Needless to say it was my one visit to the doctor in 25 years that did me in. I was honest and said my reason for going was shortness of breath, that coupled with being a long term smoker put this insurance out of reach for me. Actually the doctor thought the shortness of breath was an allergy, or at least this is what the blood work said. But he did say I needed to quit smoking as well..... Still working on the willingness to be willing to quit! Needless to say I am not in good humor today.... Hugs, SG
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Post by max on Jul 16, 2010 23:53:46 GMT -5
i was passing by and was drawn into this conversation .. sounds to me like your well on your way SG ... willingness to be willing, i like that - seems to be a little humor in it as well .. i laid down cigs 20 years ago and as amazing as it seems, i am still alive..lol.. when i look back it is hard to see myself involved in drugs and the trafficking of them, especially when i am around people who are currently using or i read about them in the newspaper, i wonder how did i fit in that or how did i tolerate it .. similarly with cigarettes i find myself pondering the smells, the cost, the attitudes when i was out, the dependence, and wonder how did i fit in with that or how did they fit in with me ... sure the struggle of letting them go was very real and it took awhile..start - stop - start - stop .. but now many years later, i don't miss them at all and don't even like the smell of them near .. its amazing how things change if things change ..
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jul 17, 2010 22:25:39 GMT -5
Hey Max so good to hear from you....
This is the first time in my life that I am making an honest effort and it is so much harder than I would've ever believed. It's great hearing that you survived and are now doing well, congrats to you on 20 years nicotine free.
I picked up my prescription for Chantix today and now all I have to do is pick my target date to quit. I'm sweating bullets just thinking about it, but it's wonderful to know there are many of you out there that have quit and survived all the pit falls involved. One day at a time and again, I thank you for your good thoughts, keep me in your prayers!
Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl
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Post by max on Jul 18, 2010 18:45:00 GMT -5
you remain in my prayers .. titration is working .. continue to cut down ..do it over time..i added you and caressa to facebook .. i am there often .. anyone else can add me as well "max stafford" ..
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jul 28, 2010 13:02:11 GMT -5
Well, I've not given up, but I have had a rough week and am smoking a couple more a day. I can see where this is heading so if anything, it's made me more determined. It's really a "cop out" to use company as an excuse.... But, my company included my daughter (whom I love and adore) but she is bipolar. I think she needs to have her meds checked but that conversation never took place. There were times during her visit that I used her aggitation to propell myself into the laundry room to smoke. I have to own this one though, it wasn't her it was me..... I know today I am going to have to hit my knees and ask God for a little more help... Letting go of my addiction to nicotene has been more painful that giving birth to my children. Well not physically but mentally for sure.... one day at a time.... Hugs, SG
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Post by SunnyGirl on Aug 10, 2010 14:37:04 GMT -5
I haven't written much on my progress (or lack there of)... I am still pretty much in a holding pattern, this last week I have held the smoking down to 6 or 7 per day. I have still not set a date to begin taking my Chantix, as my dear hubby pointed out to me recently. I do intend to take it, but I won't quit completely until I get my body, mind and spirit, all in the same page. I keep circling around and will at some point have to make the big decision to just say no more..... ODAT
Hugs to all of you.... SG
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Post by caressa on Aug 11, 2010 21:25:07 GMT -5
You are on track my friend, it was the spiritual decision that gave me the willingness to try. Even though, mentally I didn't want to quit and physically, I didn't really care, I liked smoking, it was the spiritual that allowed me to surrender and ask for help and find the willingness to give the addiction up. I wanted to be a clear, clean channel.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Aug 17, 2010 14:44:58 GMT -5
The last week has been a better one for me.... I'm still smoking but down to 5 or 6 cigs a day but am able to forget about them for longer stretches of time.
Getting to the point of total surrender is proving to be very difficult for me... I keep praying and hopefully God will put the "want to" in my heart.
Peace on the journey, SG
P.S. I get so aggravated with people who tell me it just takes will power. For crying out loud, if I had the will power, I wouldn't smoke any more!!!!!!!!! I think it all boils down to doing what ever works best, for any one trying to quit. ODAT
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Post by caressa on Aug 17, 2010 17:37:13 GMT -5
They don't understand. What I didn't have was "Won't power" - I just couldn't say 'No!' For me it was fear. Fear of putting on weight. Because I used the 12 Steps, went to NA meetings, and used crystals and other things to hold, I didn't substitute with food. I lost 3 lbs. I later put on some weight when I had emotions and used food until I became aware of what I was doing. My doctor put me on prednisone and it put on major weight that I have never been able to lose. It was not caused by not smoking or an eating habit. He recently put me on a sleeping pill that made me hungry all the time. I had to find a solution an alternate solution, I couldn't eat all day. For me to keep gaining weight is to die. My mother died at the age of 40 weighing 240 lbs. To my ex-sponsor, to lose weight was to die as she had suffered from anorexia when she was younger. There is generally a psychological thing behind it all if we care to look.
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Post by Cherie on Aug 29, 2010 18:43:41 GMT -5
I have been keeping track of how many cigs I smoke each day and write it down in a little calendar each day. My Grandson picked it up and asked me what the numbers meant and I explained to him I was cutting back on smoking. He asked why don't you just quit Grandma? I told him it's the hardest thing I have ever tried in my life.... He hugged my neck and told me, you can do it Grandma! I was encouraged by this, in the mind of a child, grownups can do anything....
I am much better off than when I began this journey and I can feel a difference already in my breathing. I know I can't do it alone and I need to be willing to change, it just starts with a step..... ODAT
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Post by caressa on Sept 20, 2010 12:00:20 GMT -5
Snagged this from Sober Living.
Anti-Depressants? Some depression is caused by addiction (and abstinence from it); some is masked by addiction and uncovered during abstinence. You MAY need some type of med, natural or otherwise, to break the underlying depression patterns- OR- you may need to develop alternative methods of dealing with depression/anxiety (like deep breathing, meditation, physical exercise).
Cognitive-behavioral therapy, while demanding the most participation at first, can be extremely effective in folks whose depression isn't purely organic in nature.
St. John's Wort and Kava Kava are used by many ex-smokers to treat mild depression (though Kava Kava is actually an anti-anxiety herb- not usually helpful in treating more severe depression; it has a very mild tranquilizing effect).
Early in your quit is usually too soon to be able to diagnose a chronic depressive tendency. Wait and see how you're feeling around the six-month mark (though you should stay in contact with your doc).
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Post by SunnyGirl on Sept 20, 2010 16:30:31 GMT -5
I don't think I'm experiencing any depression.... I am still optimistic and still hanging in there with no more than 5 or 6. I know I am addicted as I am truly having a hard time giving them up 100%. Just for today, I am maintaining and still praying for the willingness to let go! ODAT.... SG
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