Post by caressa on Jun 21, 2009 14:40:52 GMT -5
In today's reading, I was reminded out much my life was focused on the negative instead of the positive. I had trouble finding the positive, mainly because I wasn't looking for it. It seemed like my whole live was filled with bad feelings and bad thoughts.
Over the years I used different things to stuff those negative feelings. I didn't know that when I stuffed negative I was also stuffing the postive, although at the time, I didn't know it was there.
When I came into recovery, I had to balance out my character defects with postitive attributes. I was reminded that my using wasn't the issue, the problem was me. Even when I got by the prescription drugs and alcohol, I had to look at all the other things that I used to focused outside of myself instead of looking in and connecting with my Higher Power. Over the years it has been relationships, long hours of work, food, shopping (especially buying things I didn't need or could afford), getting caught up in busy i.e. service, my computer which led me to sites and playing games, and reading (burying my nose in a book and shutting the world off). All things are good in their place but not when used as an escape from feeling and reality.
There has to be time for fun. I had to learn to let my inner child to play. Yet I also had to put her to rest and be responsible too.
I was looking outside for validation, self-worth, affirmation, self-esteem, self-respect, forgiveness, compassion, and love. I couldn't find them in me so I looked to find them from you.
The tools of the program lead to new awareness. Do I utilize this gift to it's fullest in my life to change and grow or do I continue to practice old behaviors and patterns.
Over the years I used different things to stuff those negative feelings. I didn't know that when I stuffed negative I was also stuffing the postive, although at the time, I didn't know it was there.
When I came into recovery, I had to balance out my character defects with postitive attributes. I was reminded that my using wasn't the issue, the problem was me. Even when I got by the prescription drugs and alcohol, I had to look at all the other things that I used to focused outside of myself instead of looking in and connecting with my Higher Power. Over the years it has been relationships, long hours of work, food, shopping (especially buying things I didn't need or could afford), getting caught up in busy i.e. service, my computer which led me to sites and playing games, and reading (burying my nose in a book and shutting the world off). All things are good in their place but not when used as an escape from feeling and reality.
There has to be time for fun. I had to learn to let my inner child to play. Yet I also had to put her to rest and be responsible too.
I was looking outside for validation, self-worth, affirmation, self-esteem, self-respect, forgiveness, compassion, and love. I couldn't find them in me so I looked to find them from you.
The tools of the program lead to new awareness. Do I utilize this gift to it's fullest in my life to change and grow or do I continue to practice old behaviors and patterns.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.