Question- looking for opinions

[mrsspanish]

As i have written before my children are exhibiting some abusive verbal behavior much like their addictive father. however they are not using. They have embarassed me and have been rude.now, my stepson is getting married at the end of August. Do I invite my kids? Originally, my reaction was yes but now I am not so sure. so im looking for opinions
thanks
hugs
doris

[SunnyGirl]

Jul 20, 2009 18:23:13 GMT -5 mrsspanish said:

As i have written before my children are exhibiting some abusive verbal behavior much like their addictive father. however they are not using. They have embarassed me and have been rude.now, my stepson is getting married at the end of August. Do I invite my kids? Originally, my reaction was yes but now I am not so sure. so im looking for opinions ...thanks hugs doris

"A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts"- - Prochnow

An opinion is a person's ideas and thoughts towards something.
It's an assessment, judgment or evaluation of a situation.
Sorry, but giving an opinion without all the facts would be very
difficult and I just can't say what I would do.... But, I do love
weddings, they make me cry, I bawled my eyes out when my kids
got married.

I do have a suggestion on how you might work this out on your
own. Get a piece of paper... list all the best case scenarios and
worst cases and then try weighing them in your mind! I know
this wedding must be very important to you and your husband
and the bridal couple. Do your children know about the wedding?
Have they expressed any interest in going to it? Are they friendly
with the bride and groom? Have you spoken with your new hubby
about your uncertainty? You have a lot of things to mull over
my dear, weigh them in your mind and then say a prayer and
ask for guidance.

One thing I would say.... If your children show any sort of
hesitation about attending, do not force the issue. They may
very well know what's best all the way around. And remember,
the focus is on the wedding not whether your children attend
or not. I am praying that you will be all smiles and full of happiness
that day...... Hugs, Cherie

[mrsspanish]

thanks cherie

[caressa]

As Cherie says, I don't know the circumstances. I guess you need to ask yourself some questions. How will I feel if they aren't there and I don't issue an invitation? What is the worst thing that can happen if they do come? How well do they get along with your step-son? How would he feel if they aren't there? It is his day, how would it affect him and his new bride?

Is the focus really on you and your relationship with them? Only you know them, would they really act out what they are angry about at a wedding or is this something that just happens in private? Do they resent your marriage? Will they say no if you do ask? Would not inviting them only make the situation between you worse? And the list goes on, only you know the answers and even if you don't, I would suggest letting go and letting God.

[mrsspanish]

im trying to let go and let G-d. iused toknow my kids well now im not sure sure... they will definitely be insulted if i dont invite them but i dont want to take the chance that they might embarass me . i dont know know if they know what theyare angry at. they just are.....
doris

[SunnyGirl]

Jul 22, 2009 14:01:00 GMT -5 mrsspanish said:

im trying to let go and let G-d. iused toknow my kids well now im not sure sure... they will definitely be insulted if i dont invite them but i dont want to take the chance that they might embarass me . i dont know know if they know what theyare angry at. they just are....
doris

You may be right Doris....
Your kids are just angry! Taking it out on your hubby and you is
their release? Hopefully this will pass with time....

Have you tried to talk privately with them about how you're
feeling? Don't have any idea if this would help or hurt the
situation, just a thought.

I don't know if you remember, but years ago I wrote about
inviting my Sis and her hubby for Xmas dinner. As the date got
closer it was evident the were f***ed up on dope, so I uninvited
them. I felt like I was setting a boundary, but I didn't contemplate
what the outcome might be. Needless to say, it was not a very
Merry Christmas at my house that year. I have learned to think
my decisions all the way through and accept and defend the
outcome.

For sure, if they show up with an attitude and cause a scene
it will embarrass you and be hurtful to all involved. Letting go
and giving it to God is an excellent thought, just listen for his
answer. ;D Luv you sweetie.... Cherie

[mrsspanish]

thanks cherie...luv u ... u r a great help and comfort to me....Talking to them privately always backfires, I will just have to wait for His answer.
Hugs
Doris

[SunnyGirl]

God grant me the Serenity to
Accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can; and
Wisdom to know the difference.
- - Amen

[Lin]

We really do try not to give opinions. We share experience, strength and hope.

The one thing I'd ask you to think about...does your stepson WANT them there? That may help you decde.

My experience is...if I think a person will ruin an occasionif I take him with me, I leave him at home. (speaking of hubby and things like family birthday parties)

I love the suggestion of the two lists. I do that often myself That helps em see things more clearly.

Let us know what you decide
LIN

[mrsspanish]

thanks lin and cherie
doris

[caressa222]

Jul 22, 2009 19:26:21 GMT -5 mrsspanish said:

thanks cherie...luv u ... u r a great help and comfort to me....Talking to them privately always backfires, I will just have to wait for His answer.
Hugs
Doris

[caressa222]

Turning things over and waiting for His Answers seems to me to be a good solution.

It isn't always about me, and I need to look at the big picture. What is for the good of the whole.