Questions???

[caressa]

Questions that aren't helpful

“We accept many notions because they seem to be the logical answers to our questions. But have we asked the right questions?”

-- Harold L. Klawans

Sometimes we ask questions for which we really don’t want the answer! Nonetheless, when we ask a question, our subconscious minds will get to work to answer us.

Here are some examples of questions we want to avoid:

- What’s wrong with me?
- How long could this take?
- What could go wrong?
- How much trouble could it be?
- How hard could it be?


Asking questions can be empowering – as long as they’re smart questions!

"The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions."

-- Anthony Jay

How much of this is mine?

"The collective energy generated from the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of the almost six billion people on this planet creates an atmosphere or 'consciousness climate.' Surrounding us like the air we breathe, this consciousness climate affects us most strongly on energetic and emotional levels."

-- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Feeling angry, sad or anxious? You might ask, “How much of this is mine?”

Those of us who are sensitive sometimes pick up on emotional, mental or physical energy in the environment. It feels like ours – we really do feel the emotions or physical or mental symptoms. But really, we are processing ‘generic’ energies that belong to others or to humanity as a whole.

Opening to the possibility that our experiences may not be completely ours helps us detach from them. When we don’t completely identify with our thoughts and feelings, we gain power over them.

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear … as it is, infinite.”

-- William Blake

Smart questions to keep handy
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

-- Anthony Robbins

Last time, we talked about questions to avoid. Today, let’s consider some that are truly empowering:

- Is there a message for me in this experience?
- What’s the gift in this situation?
- What can I learn from this?
- What’s the most loving thing I could do now?
- What’s the most important thing for me to focus on now?
- What would I do if I knew I could not fail?
- What would I do if there were nothing to fear?


“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.”

-- Francis Bacon

Found this on one of my old MSN sites. I was reminded earlier about being asked, "What's the Answer?" I didn't know what the Question was and I didn't know what Question to ask.

Step Three says to listen for the quiet. I had to get rid of all the chatter and inner dialogue. I had to stop looking for the quick fix and instant gratification and trust in the process.

[pattijh]

I have a question of my own....obviously I am new to this, so I hope I am asking in the correct place. "Where can I find more Cleptomaniacs similar to me in my situation, so I can learn what I am and how to recover and live a normal life?"

[caressa]

Dear Patti,

This is the first time I have heard of this and will research it. I know of someone with a similiar challenge and will see what I can find for you.

There is never a wrong place to post on here. Or a question we won't try to find the answer to.

[caressa]

This looks like the site with the most information:

www.empowher.com/media/reference/kleptomania

www.somethingfornothingbook.com/preface.htm

www.r-a.org/i-cleptomaniacs.htm

Not too sure of the last one. I think that all addictions (using something outside of ourselves to make us feel better and to take the focus off us) lead to the same soul sickness. Like so many addictions, the problem isn't the substance, it is generally me, my attitudes and old tapes, trauma from my past and the inability to face it and deal with it.

Probably a good therapist would help, it would be really help if you could find one who had an understanding of the 12 Steps and how they work.

When you see a post here, just substitute your disease for the one posted. We used people, places and things to escape our reality. Doesn't matter how we did it, it is the intent and harm we do ourselves as a result of using that brings us to the doors of recovery.

I personally used alcohol, prescription drugs, alcohol, work, food, gambling, and men. Shopping and shop lifting are just other forms of addiction. I didn't think I liked shopping. Then I got honest, I don't like shopping without any money.

[SunnyGirl]

Aug 1, 2010 0:06:40 GMT -5 pattijh said:

I have a question of my own....obviously I am new to this, so I hope I am asking in the correct place. "Where can I find more Cleptomaniacs similar to me in my situation, so I can learn what I am and how to recover and live a normal life?";

Hi Pattijh...

Welcome to the boards so good to see you posting...
I only saw your post this morning and I'm sorry for not
responding sooner.

I am not really sure how many 12-step recovery groups
there are but no matter what our addiction may be, the
same steps apply. It's always nice to be with others that
are experiencing the same shortcomings, but we can all
relate when we substitute our addition and put yours there
instead. I am addicted to nicotine but the steps are the
same for what ever substance or behaviors we abuse.

Looks like Caressa gave you some pretty good links for
information. Although I've never walked in your shoes, I
an willing to support you any way I can on your journey.
The only way to find recovery is to take that first step and
there are a total of 12 to get you there. Keep the faith,
it does get better......

Your friend in recovery, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

Know a little about where you come from as I go into our local jail and talk to men and women about recovery. For so many of them, it is the high, not on the drugs and alcohol, but in the stealing, not getting caught and what you got away with. The one time they land in jail doesn't matter, it is the times that they stole and got away with it that is the big draw and attraction. Several have shared that when they got out they would bo back and do the same thing again.

It is the same with the drugs and alcohol, we dont' remember th 'negative' times, we only remember the good times. This time it will be different. It never is, even though we may get away with it or survive, there is always the remorse, the guilt, shame and the aftermath to deal with. Sometimes it isn't glaringly apparent in the moment but often reveals itself later on or it affects the loved ones around us although we can't often see them much less be aware of how our behavior affects them.

I wish you well on your recovery journey.

[caressa]

Bringing this forward, always a good thing to use to do a Step 10.

[caressa]

Remember being told that there were no stupid questions in AA. I didn't ask because I didn't want to appear 'stupid' and that word kept me sick, because I had been told I was stupid all my life. How can I know what I have never been taught? How can I know if I don't ask?

[majestyjo]

Do you have family support or are you estranged from it?

You don't always get your family back. I didn't have support from my family, it was my AA family that supported me, and as Al-Anon says, "Let us love you until you can love yourself."



Eventually, they saw that I was willing to change, and even though some didn't know where to put their face, they came to accept that I needed the program. One of the greatest days in recovery, was when my aunt and sister came to me and said, "Can I have one of your hugs."



The first year I went to the all day meetings on Christmas, Boxing Day, and New Years. I had to be in a safe place, using wasn't an option. They served turkey dinners and different groups took time slots to put on a meeting. It was a real blessing.

It was important for me to get a support group. I got a little black book and I would listen to people share in meetings, and when I heard their shares and then when I saw them walking their talk, I asked them for their phone number.

I had a sponsor, a co-sponsor a woman who was Native-American because I had such a strong connection to their teachings, and a had a Service Sponsor. When I went to NA, I got a NA sponsor, the woman I got for a sponsor didn't think I was a real addict, because I didn't do street drugs, so that relationship did not last long. I ended up going to a fellow in AA, who was an addict, who had the NA literature and chose AA for his recovery. My last AA sponsor was a woman who was a recovering heroin addict who chose AA for her recovery. Their addictions started with alcohol. I went to AA, NA, ACoA, and then to Al-Anon to find myself. I also went to outside counselling. At 15 years sober, I had to go for extra counselling for sexual abuse counselling, even though I had it on my 4th Step, I had more feelings triggered by a relationship that ended and I had to have professional help. It is about being willing go to go any length to stay clean and sober. Life is, and I have to deal with it, or I will end up back out there, and that isn't an option. I choose life.