Patience

[caressa]

Patience

"We were trapped by our need for the instant gratification that drugs gave us."

Basic Text, pp.24-25

"I want what I want, and I want it now!" That's about as patient as most of us ever got in our active addiction. The obsession and compulsion of our disease gave us a "one-track" way of thinking; when we wanted something, that's all we thought about. And the drugs we took taught us that instant gratification was never more than a dose away.

If I was ever in doubt about being an addict, the phrase "I want what I want, and I want it now!" is a great indicator of my mind set on 'most' things in my life.

Heaven forbid if I should ever run out. Fear was a big factor in a lot of decison and actions I made. I had little or no patience with people around me, especially if they stood in the way of obtaining what I wanted and thought I needed.

Looking for that quick fix, and even though it wasn't long lasting, the mind set was, "There is always more." If not, I would go looking for it.

Some people didn't take because there was no more and once they started they wanted to continue. I always seemed to take with the hope that I could get more. I wouldn't pass an opportunity to get 'some' of whatever it was.

As it said in the reading, I had to change my thinking. I had to find a new mind set and I had to recognize something as a thought and learn just because I had a thought, I didn't have to follow it by action.

Through my Higher Power and the 12 Steps, I learn to live in reality and not in a dream work always wanting what wasn't there. I had to learn to stop trying to make things happen.

Control was not my answer, surrender was. When I surrendered, I was empowered to do what I needed to do in today. If I have to control it, it is out of control. I can only 'control' things if I am living and allowing a Higher Power to help me. If I am doing the controlling, I am living I centered not God-centered and when that happens, I lose the patience.