Post by lala on Jun 23, 2004 12:22:33 GMT -5
from a small age i already " didint fit in" wich by age 12 when i started drinking i felt imideataly that i did or at least i didint care if i did or not.....i always felt alone and so when i drank i got the sense of company and power i felt beautiful and unstopable and once i got a hold of that feeling off i went there was no stoppin me i became rebellious of authority and anyone who got in the way of me doing what i wanted to do....all i wanted to do is have fun and for it to be ok i thought i knew everything about life nobody could tell me nuthin..... i remember feeling so unique like there was nobody that understood how really alone i felt it angered me when people would try and tell me they understood cuz inside i knew nobody really did. after my first drunk my father high taled my butt to a alateen mtg in hopes to nip it in the bud but we all know that never works at least not for this alcoholic......even though my dad was in recovery i never once romanced the idea that i could be what he was no way i was not gonna even acknowledge that thought i just thought nobody wanted me to be happy so i fought everything so that started the in and out process for the yrs to come i continued to drink and drug and run the streets never once lookin back at anything or any harm i may have done it was all about me i didint think of anyone elses feelings the destruction i reeked and the wreckage i caused i still pay for this very day but it is all bearable now that i have a higher power in my life and a program to guide me through all thru the yrs commin in and out i managed to get a yr and then go out again now im almost six months clean and sober and i never had it so good the road it took to get me here was long and painful but oh so neccessary i wouldnt trade it for the world well that is a bit about me not everything but hope it helps with gettin to know me better thanks for listening.........lala
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.