Expectations

[caressa]

Tried this once before and lost the post. I guess the words were for my eyes only.

The words were so right and what I needed to hear. What I always need to remember is that this is a program of reflection. I need to be mindful of the expectations I put on myself.

Others are not always able or willing to meet our expectations. It is not right to project my 'stuff' onto them, especially if the expectations are too high to begin with.

I need to remember to keep them low enough that they are attainable.

God meets my needs. If He puts people in my path, they may help me attain my needs, if He doesn't, then it is something I need to do for myself. Timing is everything. It is not always in my time. One of my favorite phrases, "You can't make things happen that are not there." If the timing isn't right, it isn't going to happen, if it does, it often results in chaos, because everything is not in place. When it is meant to happen, it will. I can beat my head against the wall, or beat myself up in numerous ways, and things won't get done any faster. I can't always give them a little push and make them happen. Trying to do that is not living in the moment, it is projecting into the future and wanting it in the now.

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[majestyjo]

Expectations of Others

It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.

It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling.

There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given.

It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected.

It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.

If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person's unavailability. We do this for ourselves.

It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.

The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discover an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.

Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.