Detach, detach detach

[DJgrrl]

Hi Friends,

WOW.. i am getting tis lesson again in a new environemnt. I am feelign guilty because I didn't respond as I would have liked.. prefectly.
I'm in a new job.. whcih I ahte..and it is very face paced and physical. Actually my height and weight seem to be a negative. What is a plus is my ability and determination to be as grateful as possible. I thank people.. my co workers all the time... even when they point out a mistake. I notice when I do this... that later when I do soemthign well.. they are more likely to tell me when I do a good job.
I am having trouble with oen particualr manager. Who seems to be very resentful of me. And angry at the way I work. I am bnew..and am still elarnign.. rpobably will for a long time.
Today I was not able to detach. When she spoke to me it was as if I was 6 years old aain and yes.. I responded as a 6 year old.
I immediately felt very guilty...but I kept telling myself to say thnak you to people even when I elast wanted to.. i kept saying it..and eventually it came back and I was saying thank you and was pelased to rise above and not sulk.
I am not sure I can detach with her.. actually I will know when she is working and I will make note in my head. I don't think she appreciated my sense of humour. I find the woking environemnt to be very hostial. God bless it is only a job!! I need not amke it important. Problem is.. I am nto sure that attitude will keep me in the job. My biggest fear is they will fire me.... oh well.. I can survive that !!!
Thanks for listening. I do like most of the people I worl with..young people and people doign their job the best they can. I really apprecaite the help and patience I get from msot people. Even some snarky people have been turned around. They seem friednly with me today.. one manager in particular.
One manager though was not following procedures.. very hard when I am told to follow them. It seems hard to do all... follow procedures and do it fast and have good customer service. I feel like I am in a job I was in long ago. I didn't ahve a program though then. I am considerign quitting.... mayeb there are jsut certain environments that are toxic. Maybe that's the awareness... next is acceptance and then action.

[caressa]

Thank you for sharing. Detachment isn't a physical thing but a mental one that allows me not to take things personally. People are doing their job or they think they are doing what they think their job is, even though I don't like it, I need to accept it. I certainly don't have to like it to accept it, but I sure need to detach from it when it makes me angry and frustrated.

Personally, I accept criticism in today because it helps me grow and change and as you say, I try not to make the same mistake again. I always had a problem with things being done a certain way, especially if I thought they could be done a better way to my way of thinking. Again it is like the Traditions. What is good for the whole, it isn't always about me, as much as I would like to think my way is best. Most time, my thoughts are not original. Someone has thought them and tried them before and for some reason, unknown to me, they didn't work in that particular situation. I know I was very inquisitive and always wanting to know how things worked and why. I found when I came to recovery, I couldn't intellectualize, I just had to accept. It worked so why try to change it.

[caressa]

Today's Reminder from Courage to Change:

Is the help I offer truly loving or do I have other motives? Am I trying to chnge another person or get them to do what I want? Talking it over with my sponsor can offer perspective. My best hope for helping those I love really does begin when I focus on myself.

"In Al-Anon we learn:
- Not to create a crisis
- Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events."

quote from Detachment

I like the slogan "Let it begin with me." I need to deal with my own feelings, defects, and life problems. Through doing that, I have experience, strength and hope, to share with others. If I have nothing to share, what am I not doing? It has been my experience, when I am blank or resentful, I haven't been talking to God, at least not in a humble way, but in a 'controlling' way telling Him what to do or what needs to be done.

[SunnyGirl]

One of our members (Lin) uses the Q-TIP method to remind
herself to Quit Taking It Personally......

If you are part of a team, you strive for healthy teamwork as
an opportunity to learn how to work in cooperation with others.
You try to learn from your mistakes, but we forgive ourselves
when we make them. Taking care of ourselves on the job means
we deal with feelings appropriately.... we take responsibility for
ourselves.

I've been an employee and employer and on both sides of
the coin, it takes a lot of hard work to make it work right. We
detach, when detachment is called for and we sit up and listen
or learn when that is what's needed. When working as the
boss or the employee, they both require patience and willingness
to learn the lesson. You have to want it....

Peace on the journey, SG

[Lin]

Great to see a post by you DJ...it's been a long time!

SG---I went to ACOA section before I came here and I posted abtou Q-tip. Interesting to come here and see you mentioned it!

DJ...I hear what you are saying and I know that a new job is often difficult. We are getting to know those aroud us and they are getting to know us. We have to prove we can do the job. We want others to like us and respect us. The problem si...not everybody WIl respect us for our abilities or who we are. Just do your best, keep a smile on your face and do the next right thing,. Try to do your job to the best of yoru abilities.

Again..it was good to hear from you!
Lin

[majestyjo]

We don't detach from loved ones because we hate them. We detach because we love them.

So often it is the actions as much as the person we have to detach from. When it is actions, we often do need to detach physically for our own Serenity.