Evasion

[caressa]

Perfectionists and workaholics ignore the present moment by focusing on activities and circumstances. Bored individuals ignore the present moment by pushing circumstances away.

- Gary Zukav and Linda Francis

I am reminded that this is part of my disease. Playing the blame game, denial, and looking at people, places and things so I don't have to look at myself.

Addicted to busy. Addicted to getting things just right. Projecting either into the future or looking over our shoulders and blaming the past for our action in today.

Recovery is about change. It is about living in today. What happened in my past, does not have to happen in today or in the future if I take my program with me.

For so much of my life, it was, "I don't have to look at me when I am looking at you." I gave up my power. I allowed the people around me to dictate my life.

I had to come face to face with me. I found me in the rooms of recovery. It is a program of reflection. When I hear you talking, I know that it is me trying to get my attention.

[caressa]

My sponsor told me that I had to do was look at how I was looking at you to know what was going on with me!

When I look at what was, there has been change. When I look at what needs to be done (I didn't get this way overnight or even in 19 years), I know there is still lots of work to be done. Other times I look and I have seen I have taken a step back, detoured or stood still. Thanks to the program, I can take it all to my Higher Power and ask His Help. There are no quick fixes, there are no destinations, what we have is a journey!