taking things personally

[Lin]

I have a huge problem with taking things personally. I recxognize it is a problem. I even have a tool I call my Q-TIP---Quit Taking It Personally.

I tried to trace back to see when this started for me, and I think it was childhood. My parents never congratulated or encouraged me...no GOOD JOB...no recognition for accomplishents. If i got all As on a report card and 1 B they griped because of the B. I was told I was worthless and could not make decisions.

SO perhaps that ingrained inme to be at blame for everything. If somebody says the grass sure istall...I want to figure what I did to make it grow so fast. When I get a complaint against my work, I flip out and want to fix it.

I know today I am better at this. (q-tip really helps alot) But I also know I have a long way to go. I can't xhange somethign abtou myself until I recognize it, so I am on the road to change!

Do you take things personally? If so, how do you stop doing it?

LIN

[caressa]

Have loved this saying since I heard you say it. I share it with others all the time. I thank you for it, it helps me. I was just sharing with someone yesterday.

Before it was always about me. I am important don't you know. I walk into a room and there is quiet. They were talking about me. Any comment about my work, about me and mine, and I would be devastated. For me everything had to be perfect or it or I was less than.

One thing that helped me was, "If they have an issue with me, it is their problem not mine." I keep trying to keep my side of the street clean, make things right with my God, and then try to let go and learn from the incident. I can look at it, take it for what it is, true or false, and either fix it, change it, or just accept it for what it is in the moment. If it is something I said or did, I can't take it back. It is already the past. I can make an amend if needed, but don't apologize in today for something that is not mine.

As they say, I may make a mistake but I am not one. For so many years, I thought I was. That is another story.

[BW]

Thankx Lin...great topic...We are a sensitive lot...When it was pointed out to me that I was sensitive of course I denied it, then I had to take an honest look at it. Sure enough it was true..When I asked others how to get away from that the first suggestion was ..."Keep a sense of humor"

Secondly...To remember the principle of accpetance...If I feel someone is judging me..I return that judgment with a blessing..I pray for them... I do not get to judge the judger because that only returns wrong for wrong.. Being all sensitve about it in essense is carrying a resentment.

Lastly..I don't need to prove anything to anybody...My whole purpose is to served God...If I know God is pleased with me and I can look myself in the mirror...what others think about me is known of my business...it is just their opinions..and ya know what they say about opinions don't ya....
they are just like but holes..everybodies got one

Other peoples perceptions are not my reality...My truths come from God...that is all that matter

[SunnyGirl]

Re: quit taking things personally

Lin introduced me to the Q.T.I.P. many years ago in an
Alanon meeting she chaired at A.E.B...... I've hung onto
it and used it a lot through the years!

What other people think of me is none of my business.....
Don't take things so personally.... M.Y.O.B......

I think I've finally learned the lesson.... I have no absolutely
no control over anything, that other people say or do, but
I am 100% in charge of how I respond to it! I've learned to act
instead of reacting to them. If I sign up for someone else’s
drama and negative behavior, then it becomes my drama and
negativity.

Unless we own our own business, we will always have a
boss, or foreman to clue us in when we're not performing
as well as they'd like. I've been in both shoes and neither
one felt especially comfortable.... I would get evaluations
that were mostly good, with just one item I disagreed with,
but I opted to not sweat the small stuff.... I've never felt
like I was being attacked or belittled, I just tried to see my
performance their their eyes....

When you feel like it's getting personal.... S.H.I.F.T.
S: Stop and take a deep breath (buys you some time)
H: Harness harmful knee-jerk reactions
I: Identify and manage negative emotions (feeling defensive
and taking this personally)
F: Find new options (avoid seeing it as a personal attack)
T: Take one positive action (Talk to your boss
and find out how you can improve)

ACOA's do tend to take themselves pretty seriously, but as
BW wrote, having a sense of humor does help. I sometimes
think other people can spot insecurities and lack of self-worth
and will sometimes try to step on them just to inflict pain.
I refuse to allow people to walk all over me and will speak out
when I need to. I am not comfortable when people make me
a target or try to bully me and refuse to accept, unacceptable
behavior.

Good topic Lin.... Hugs, SG