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Post by ChrisK on Jul 14, 2004 18:17:46 GMT -5
Went to a meeting last nigh. A friend in the meeting said his fiance only has been given 6 months to live. I watched her struggle wit this disease from the time I started about 5 years to now. She kept having a revolving door type of program. I think, she had over a year in. Now, comes the news of dying.
I went to my frinds wifes funeral when, I'd been in the program only a little over a year. I can't imagine what he's going through now. Buring a wiife a couple years ago and now, not too much longer for his fiance. I've been doing some soul searching. Taking a lot of what if's in my mind.
I still have a lot of room for improvement. There's always the I wish, I'd done that rolling in a persons mind. I know not to take the day for granted. I'm venting here. I'm still saddened by the loss of 2 members so close together and now another person I've gotten to know with possibly not long to live.
I wanted to die when, I got in AA. I just didn't care. I thought I wanted to die. That was then, this is now. I want to live. I want to live a long time. I want to see my grandkids grow up and have kids. i want to have the best memories a person can have. Living ain't all that bad to use a line from Alabama's "Give Me One More Shot".
I try, to live a lifetime in each day. i don't look for tomorrow any longer. I want the day to last a lot longer. I don't want to be behind when the day ends. I want another hour, I want another minute, another second. I'm just glad to be alive.
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Post by ~graced~ on Jul 14, 2004 20:45:35 GMT -5
Boy, Chris.... You touched places that you have no clue even exist in this alcoholic.
I'm truly sad for your friend who's, once again, looking at a significant loss in his life. I try to remember the afflicted is looking at being with G-d--which I choose to believe is an awesome place to be.
Lin posted something in the "Pearls of Wisdom" section entitled '26 Angels' Powerful piece--I liked the ending so well I stole it for my signature line on my emails. (thanks Lin!)
~*~We walk this earth but one time .... each time we touch someone, we leave a
part of ourselves......and we walk away with a part of them.
Touch kindly...~*~
Boy, that spoke more than a mouthfull to this alcoholic. As did your post here.
I take the nickname '~graced~' for a reason.
It's cuz I'm clear that I AM.
Child of an alcoholic, became an alcoholic, married an alcoholic--I feel like some text book example some days. At ten years sober I went back into treatment. I'd placed a gun to my head and was ready to be done with life and all it's wonderful dealings. I walked out of treatment with my sobriety in tact only because I'd not picked up a drink. I also walked out clear that I either got the 'G-d stuff' or I was going to die.
I worked hard to get that relationship with G-d...put my rear in the chair every night, got three sponsors and learned a whole lot about what I didn't have. I suited up, showed up and got back to the basics. Years later, finally at peace with myself and with the world at large I decided it was a great and awesome thing to love life, love the program and to be IN love with with G-d. And I do love those things with a passion, still today.
But G-d wasn't done with me yet...and that 'level' of sobriety I believed myself to have obtained, that relationship with G-d that I found comfort in-- was tested to the max when I was diagnosed with cancer....then leukemia....then a malignant brain tumour. More than once they told me to get my affairs in order...and more than once I was the mystery for them to explain. I stuck around the tables, in whatever form I could, and kept carrying the message cuz I get to....I want to...it's a passion instilled IN me because of His grace by bringing me 'here'.
So what if you find out you have six months to live?
I thought I knew what living a day at a time was, I thought I knew what being present in the moment was, I even thought I knew what making the moments count meant. I got that totally redefined for me time and time again. You learn a whole different 'level' to those things when you're told there's nothing they can do. Either you surrender to the dark or you embrace the light. I chose to embrace the light and I still choose to seize the day....
You learn to embrace even crappy moments and be grateful for those simply because you GET to have a moment at all. You learn that loving is an action and forgiving is simple....that letting go is a choice and surrender truly is required. You learn to hold dear to you every moment, to not take for granted that next week you'll get to visit with a friend, that you can put off getting over some petty anger, some silly resentment....and you start to see what truly matters is just the moment in front of you and that you GET to love another human being, you get to share truth with them, you get to offer them hope..... and you work to touch them in someway, anyway......cuz suddenly you 'get' that lesson they've been trying to get through your thick head time and time again.
You 'get' that all you truly DO have is today. And that you get to choose what mark you'll leave on the hearts of others....and you choose wisely cuz you KNOW what part of their heart you want to be taking with you.
I don't want angry pieces with me...nor do I want to leave this world knowing I've instilled a pained mark on anyone's heart. I have a job to do...and it's to love people as I've always wanted to love them...as He's designed me to love them. I don't get the promise of tomorrow. For today, He's graced me with another day. No medical doctor can explain what happened with that tumor or why the cancers went into remission for today.
I don't need their explanation.
I know.
G-d ain't done with me yet.
Yeah, I'm a stubborn person who's gotten to learn through experiences...who's had to have the bottom dropped out so I could "GET" those simple 'truths' that all those fine folks G-d saw fit to place in my path were trying to help me to embrace.
Graced....that He so loved me and had a purpose and a plan--all this in spite of the choices I made with the life that He'd given me.
Graced because I 'get to' today, ya know?
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Post by ChrisK on Jul 14, 2004 23:04:16 GMT -5
I didn't think i needed to be humbled. i truely was humbled readin that. No more pity pot 4 me no sir
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Post by knothead on Jul 15, 2004 2:21:01 GMT -5
Every day is a gift, no doubt. All things being equal, I think I should have died years ago, given the way i was abusing not only my body, but the way I also wrecklessly abused relationships. But, I didn't die. And, I think there is a reason. My H-P has other plans. I'm not quite sure what those are as of yet, but I'm certain I have something else to do while I still breathe. But it certainly isn't going to be about myself. That much I know. All I know is I will continue to put foot in front of the other for now & "more will be revealed" later. I have trust, I have hope. ;  |
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Post by ~graced~ on Jul 15, 2004 8:12:37 GMT -5
((((((((((Chris)))))))))))
(((((((((Knothead))))))))))
Where the heck is Cap and Owen?! I'm thinkin' they could use a hug or two themselves!
(((((((((((((Owen))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((Cap))))))))))))))))))
Ain't it great to have a different life today? Don't ya just wanna hang on to that one today with all you can muster?!
And Knothead....you GIVE me hope. Try THAT one on for size and try wearing it. :-)
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Post by dudehead on Jul 15, 2004 11:03:28 GMT -5
Wow graced.
Thanks so much for sharing that.
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Post by mender1 on Jul 17, 2004 8:47:48 GMT -5
I was 12 years old when my father had a massive heart attack and they told us he had 6 month's to live.
It was like the song patches
My father told me I would be the man of the house and he was dependeing on me to pull the family thru.
It was a tuff time but my father fooled them and live another 18 years.
We all have our fear of the unknown and death is the one unknown that we all face.
We were spiritual beings before being human and this is part of growing up as a spiritual being( being human)
The lost of a love one is hard but we can keep them close by placing them in our hearts.
((((((((((((((graced)))))))))))))
thank you I am a hugging person I LOVE HUGS
We only have the moment we live in at this moment live it to the fullest.
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Post by ChrisK on Jul 17, 2004 19:55:23 GMT -5
Reading this, I'm reminded not to take anything for granted and to be grateful. I went to a meeting Thurs. nite and fought back some tears and I gave this woman a hug. I'm not takin this life or anything for granted again. To bad someone elses life has to be a reminder. Everytime, I go to a meeting someone gives me a reason to be thankful. I used to close all my posts with. Amazing Grace. Maybe, I need to start again. I forgot who, gave me back my serenity
AMAZING GRACE
CHRIS
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Post by TxRainwater on Jul 18, 2004 23:33:16 GMT -5
I just wanna say one thing....
Thank you all for being a part of my sobriety today and sharing yours.
Love, Light and a big hug,
Brenda
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Post by ChrisK on Jul 25, 2004 23:51:35 GMT -5
Had a hard time finding the right thing to click. I just discovered, I need to tell all the people in my life that I love them. Sometimes, or I should say, too many times I've not taken the time to express my feelings to the people I love. My eyes have been opened. I'm going to have a deeper gratitude for every day.
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Post by lala on Jul 30, 2004 17:01:15 GMT -5
wow!!!!!!! if i only had six months to live i just really dont know id have to say that becuause i choose to live my life drug free id wanna die clean but however more then that id want to know i was going to heaven so as long as i knew i was goin i think it would nice to do some stuff i have never done.....lala
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.