Post by ~graced~ on Aug 26, 2004 8:08:05 GMT -5
Tomorrow's the first anniversary of this marriage. G-d obviously had plans in this one.
I had a conversation with the Brit the other evening--it still amazes me that we're where we are today. This is a man who willingly left everything and everyone he'd ever known to relocate his life 4321 miles into smalltown Iowa. Yep....he's English. And yep, he talks funny. And yep, I still am amazed at how G-d arranged it all.
He'd never known an alcoholic in his lifetime. Leastwise, not that he recognized. He'd heard of A.A. But he'd never experienced alcoholism in any facet in his life. Yet he consciously chose to marry one--albeit, one in recovery. I can't imagine making that choice, even given what I know about the disease and the recovery process. Out of respect for me and himself and out of curiosity, he attended AlAnon years before the marriage happened. He got a good dose of reality--here's what active alcoholism does with the lives of people who love the alcoholic. He got a good dose of recovery--and continues to learn a whole lot about alcoholism, about recovery and about how to take care of himself and take charge of his own life.
Dating anyone in recovery was never an option for me--for a whole lotta reasons. Mostly cuz I was brought up in A.A. with the belief that A.A. wasn't a dating service--that it was about people's lives. That and the experience of seeing what a crapshoot it could be, given that recovery was a daily choice that any person, at any given time, could stop making. No would that be a way of life I'd consciously choose to sign up for. Yep....sounds silly to say that, given I live that 'way of life'.
I reiterated to the Brit a whole lotta 24 hours ago that I'm sober today because I continue to accept this and embrace this as a way of life. But it's a choice that could change. I have another drunk in me. And if I pick up, I will ruin this life-- I'll create wreckage that would devastate his life as well. I suggested then--"run fast and run far". I stand on that suggestion still today.
How fragile it can be---it's a simple decision to stop following the prescription written. People who've had heart attacks do it--suddenly stop resting and eating as they should, not seeing any harm from that one greasy hamburger and deciding they can skip that morning walk. They toy with the prescrition for life, dance over the lines and see no real, immediate damage--so they continue to move the line and alter the prescription. And that next heartattack happens--and lives are changed forever.
It's like that for me. I have the prescription and can toy with it any time that I like. Miss that meeting, forego that tenthstep inventory....let go of the disciplines. It's pretty darn simple to rationalize out when there's no immediate consequence. Only the long term effect is that whole lives get affected. And like that heartattack patient--that next drink happens and lifes are changed forever.
I'm figuring this marriage is nothing shy of a gift from G-d. Frankly, this wasn't in my plans. LOL But the best gifts are the unexpected ones--and I'll be celebrating the gift for what it is--today, tomorrow and every other day that G-d graces me with. And I'll forever be reminding myself how whole lives are affected by silly rationalizations that 'just for today' I can not follow the prescription handed to me.
I had a conversation with the Brit the other evening--it still amazes me that we're where we are today. This is a man who willingly left everything and everyone he'd ever known to relocate his life 4321 miles into smalltown Iowa. Yep....he's English. And yep, he talks funny. And yep, I still am amazed at how G-d arranged it all.
He'd never known an alcoholic in his lifetime. Leastwise, not that he recognized. He'd heard of A.A. But he'd never experienced alcoholism in any facet in his life. Yet he consciously chose to marry one--albeit, one in recovery. I can't imagine making that choice, even given what I know about the disease and the recovery process. Out of respect for me and himself and out of curiosity, he attended AlAnon years before the marriage happened. He got a good dose of reality--here's what active alcoholism does with the lives of people who love the alcoholic. He got a good dose of recovery--and continues to learn a whole lot about alcoholism, about recovery and about how to take care of himself and take charge of his own life.
Dating anyone in recovery was never an option for me--for a whole lotta reasons. Mostly cuz I was brought up in A.A. with the belief that A.A. wasn't a dating service--that it was about people's lives. That and the experience of seeing what a crapshoot it could be, given that recovery was a daily choice that any person, at any given time, could stop making. No would that be a way of life I'd consciously choose to sign up for. Yep....sounds silly to say that, given I live that 'way of life'.
I reiterated to the Brit a whole lotta 24 hours ago that I'm sober today because I continue to accept this and embrace this as a way of life. But it's a choice that could change. I have another drunk in me. And if I pick up, I will ruin this life-- I'll create wreckage that would devastate his life as well. I suggested then--"run fast and run far". I stand on that suggestion still today.
How fragile it can be---it's a simple decision to stop following the prescription written. People who've had heart attacks do it--suddenly stop resting and eating as they should, not seeing any harm from that one greasy hamburger and deciding they can skip that morning walk. They toy with the prescrition for life, dance over the lines and see no real, immediate damage--so they continue to move the line and alter the prescription. And that next heartattack happens--and lives are changed forever.
It's like that for me. I have the prescription and can toy with it any time that I like. Miss that meeting, forego that tenthstep inventory....let go of the disciplines. It's pretty darn simple to rationalize out when there's no immediate consequence. Only the long term effect is that whole lives get affected. And like that heartattack patient--that next drink happens and lifes are changed forever.
I'm figuring this marriage is nothing shy of a gift from G-d. Frankly, this wasn't in my plans. LOL But the best gifts are the unexpected ones--and I'll be celebrating the gift for what it is--today, tomorrow and every other day that G-d graces me with. And I'll forever be reminding myself how whole lives are affected by silly rationalizations that 'just for today' I can not follow the prescription handed to me.
"Win, loose, or draw I have had one hell of a lot of fun being here."
~With Peace & Love, dg~ 8*)[/b][/size]
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.