Question for the old timers ... please

[lildee]

We could use a little clarification in the differences between the following as applied to the Fourth Step:-

1. Selfish

2. Self - Centered

3. Self - Seeking

Any and all input is welcome. Thanks for your help.


Love and God Bless
Arlene

[ChrisK]

Self seeking to me is doing something for others because, you think you'll benefit. As far as selfish and self centered are concerened, it's like splitting hairs. Self centered might is being oblivious to others while, selfish to me for example, having 2 pcs. of pie eating 1 in front of someone and not offering the other pc. to them.
Working on my own defective character If, I see this in others I try to make sure I'm not guilty myself. I don't have a problem with helping as long as it's not enabling.
I have any idea y I'm responding to this I'm still pretty young

[~graced~]

I was waiting for an oldtimer to respond........LOL

From a Big Book Dictionary:

Selfishness=(noun) stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others

Self-centeredness=(adj) limited to or caring only about yourself and your own needs

Self-seeking=(noun) taking advantage of opportunities without regard for the consequences for others

"First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caaused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations."

"Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrong others had done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been enitrely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight."

"We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion and bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. .........We subjected each relation to this test--was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therfore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed."

You'll note that self-centered isn't used in relation to the fourth step(in the Big Book), though selfishness and self-seeking are. All three are manifestations of the 'self' that page 62 readily defines as the root of my problems as an alcoholic.

Selfishness is stinginess..........'MINE'!
Self-centeredness is 'the world revovles around me and what I want, think, and AM..........ain't I special'
Self-seeking is 'I'll take that opportunity at your cost, you moron!'

Been known to engage in those manifestations once or twice myself........LOL

[lildee]

Thanks all for the replies.

Love and God Bless
Arlene

[Tiger]

~graced~ said:

{quote}I was waiting for an oldtimer to respond {quote}}........LOL

From a Big Book Dictionary:

Selfishness=(noun) stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others

Self-centeredness=(adj) limited to or caring only about yourself and your own needs

Self-seeking=(noun) taking advantage of opportunities without regard for the consequences for others

"First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caaused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations."

"Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrong others had done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been enitrely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight."

"We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion and bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. .........We subjected each relation to this test--was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therfore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed."

You'll note that self-centered isn't used in relation to the fourth step(in the Big Book), though selfishness and self-seeking are. All three are manifestations of the 'self' that page 62 readily defines as the root of my problems as an alcoholic.

Selfishness is stinginess..........'MINE'!
Self-centeredness is 'the world revovles around me and what I want, think, and AM..........ain't I special'
Self-seeking is 'I'll take that opportunity at your cost, you moron!'

Been known to engage in those manifestations once or twice myself........LOL

[Tiger]

So much for trying to learn how to use the "Quote Option" ;D

Tiger

[lildee]

Thanks for trying Tiger.

[~graced~]

Tiger said:

So much for trying to learn how to use the "Quote Option" ;D

Tiger

*chuckling*
I'm grateful to know I'm not the ONLY one who lost the battle to the quote option...LOL

*hugs*

[caressa222]

Glad of the reminder.