Sex and Intimacy

[DJgrrl]

Hi Friends,

I am currently dating a gentleman who has / or had a drinking problem. He has strated drinking again since we met. I'm not sure he's ever been in AA or has just tried on his own. Sicne I don't have a dad or someone else in a healthy rlearionship.. what do you suggest I do ?
I'm also quite shy tot alk to anyone who I am not in a rleationship wit about sex and intimacy. I have this with my current partner but it scares the crap out of him and he often backs away or resorts to non intimate conversation.. ( email) like I am doing. Please share your expiernce.

[caressa]

As a friend of mine once share, intimacy is "In To Me See" and was never willing to let people see the real me for fear that they wouldn't like me.

For me it was about getting honest. I thought I was in control and I could fix the other person and I ended up hurt any way.

Learning that love isn't sex, not always an expression of it but a wau of searching for something that I couldn't find within myself. I don't love me so I am looking to you to love and care for me.

When you love and like yourself, you can go into a healthy relationship because you want to be there instead of being there because you are needy.

My last boyfriend left because he felt like I should NEED him. He got really angry, almost violent and triggered a whole lot of abuse from my past because he didn't like it when I said, "You are in my life because I want you there, not because I need you there."

I read the preface to Codependent No More and ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. It isn't about them, it is about me. As the Al-Anon slogan says, "Let It Begin With Me." The only way I can get healthy is building a relationship with myself, with my God and then I can have a healthy relationship with others.

[majestyjo]

Had trouble letting people get close to me. I remember any years ago after a few drinks, a guy said, "Gee Jo, you are a lot of fun when you are drunk." I was horrified that I was drunk and going to lose it. I only had five drinks forgetting the pills in my system. I went to the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat to get rid of the alcohol thar j had drank, so I could drink more, after all u was at a party.