Post by SunnyGirl on Jun 14, 2011 16:30:42 GMT -5
Detachment
In a meeting I remember someone some one saying,
"detaching is simple, but it ain't easy"! I've hung onto
that thought through all my trial and errors......
As simply as I can put it, detachment means I need to
separate my addicted loved one from the disease. I
need to learn to recognize the difference between "my
stuff" and "their stuff" and learn to focus on myself.
Just the word detaching.... sounds cold and unfeeling!
But the process doesn't mean we don't care, it just
means we need to quit trying to fix them and concentrate
on ourselves. As I said, simple but not easy....
It can be difficult, as sometimes our loved ones take it
as being abandoned..... Mine were so used to me picking
up after them and making things better, when I gave up
enabling them they couldn't understand why. As I learned
set boundaries and found my voice about my needs, they
felt very unsure and upset with this change.
Detaching was liberating for me! Gone were the feelings
of needing to control them! I no longer felt the need to
punish them.... I learned to let of of them and give them
to a loving God! I had no success in changing them, so
now is my turn to fix myself! I can accept them as they
are, or turn my head away.....
Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl
Please share your thoughts on detachment.....
In a meeting I remember someone some one saying,
"detaching is simple, but it ain't easy"! I've hung onto
that thought through all my trial and errors......
As simply as I can put it, detachment means I need to
separate my addicted loved one from the disease. I
need to learn to recognize the difference between "my
stuff" and "their stuff" and learn to focus on myself.
Just the word detaching.... sounds cold and unfeeling!
But the process doesn't mean we don't care, it just
means we need to quit trying to fix them and concentrate
on ourselves. As I said, simple but not easy....
It can be difficult, as sometimes our loved ones take it
as being abandoned..... Mine were so used to me picking
up after them and making things better, when I gave up
enabling them they couldn't understand why. As I learned
set boundaries and found my voice about my needs, they
felt very unsure and upset with this change.
Detaching was liberating for me! Gone were the feelings
of needing to control them! I no longer felt the need to
punish them.... I learned to let of of them and give them
to a loving God! I had no success in changing them, so
now is my turn to fix myself! I can accept them as they
are, or turn my head away.....
Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl
Please share your thoughts on detachment.....
Well, it sounded good in theory
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.