Freedom

[caressa]

We will know a new freedom and happiness. -Big Book

A new freedom and happiness for us is an almost unbelievable Promise. Before recovery, we had little choice and less freedom. Everything we did had to be set up to meet the demands of our compulsion. Try as hard as we possibly could, we could never prevent the consuming urge of our addiction. A powerful compulsion took over all our waking hours.

Our lives were controlled by our desires. There was a constant need to bow to the demands of our addiction. It made all our decisions for us. There was no freedom and only a small bit of happiness at the very best. We always had to "pay the piper," and we knew it. We were slaves, like it or not. When freedom came with abstinence, so came joy, gratitude, and love for others and ourselves.

I once believed that I could control my addiction. When I found it wasn't possible, I felt deep depression, guilt, shame, and remorse. I felt I no longer had freedom. Recovery finally gave me a choice. Promises do come true.

copied from original shared at groups.msn.com/StarChoices/abcsofrecovery.msnw?action=get_threads

I used alcohol like I did other substances. Today, at coffee after my Al-Anon meeting, I found myself saying, "I don't know if I am an alcoholic or just an adult child who chose to go along with my father and my husband to get along and not make waves. It shows you how easy that old stinking thinking can come back and denial can set in without a proper defense against that first one.

The reality is, "I could outdrink them both." I know they were drunks, yet I know I had the thinking problem to go along with the drinking. I was the one with the resentment when they got violent, passed out, fell down, etc. Why didn't they quit or slow down and leave it for me. I could handle it. I remember being embarrassed for them and having total contempt for them, feeling very self-righteous and full of condescention. It is a trait that I can't stand in today, yet I know it stems from within me.

The prescription drugs have always been there since I was 16 and alcohol was only governed by the amount that was available. When I wasn't using, it occupied my life in the way I thought and acted.

I have found myself again at that place of being sick and tired of being tired and sick. I am glad in today that I have the awareness and the freedom from active addiction. I am glad that I qualify for 'all' programs, put me into a recovery room, and I qualify. With some more than others, yet I think the feelings and thoughts are all based in much the same way, no matter what the substance is.

[TxRainwater]

Carresa, thank you for sharing.
That 'stinking thinking' is so subtle, huh? Then, poof, it has me.
I could fit in all/any of the, so called, self-help groups myself. *sigh*
With alcohol my life did become totally unmanageble. Definate alkie here.
Thank God/dess it is progress not perfection in my daily earthly life.

love and light,
Brenda

[caressa]

Was sharing at an AA group with a fellow I know from NA last night after a meeting about the thinking problem. The speaker confirmed what I had shared with a woman who picked me up for the meeting that I go to AA for my denial, go to NA for my identification, and go to Al-Anon for my recovery. She shared how important Al-Anon was for her although she is a recovering alcoholic and admitted addict. I am to speak in Al-Anon (second time) on Feb. 4th and I expect it to be a very healing experience.

[~graced~]

caressa said:

We will know a new freedom and happiness. -Big Book

A new freedom and happiness for us is an almost unbelievable Promise. Before recovery, we had little choice and less freedom. Everything we did had to be set up to meet the demands of our compulsion. Try as hard as we possibly could, we could never prevent the consuming urge of our addiction. A powerful compulsion took over all our waking hours.

Our lives were controlled by our desires. There was a constant need to bow to the demands of our addiction. It made all our decisions for us. There was no freedom and only a small bit of happiness at the very best. We always had to "pay the piper," and we knew it. We were slaves, like it or not. When freedom came with abstinence, so came joy, gratitude, and love for others and ourselves.

I once believed that I could control my addiction. When I found it wasn't possible, I felt deep depression, guilt, shame, and remorse. I felt I no longer had freedom. Recovery finally gave me a choice. Promises do come true.

copied from original shared at groups.msn.com/StarChoices/abcsofrecovery.msnw?action=get_threads

Dunno that I can qualify myself for every 'self help' group that's out there. Personally, I chuckle when A.A. is referred to as a 'self help' group--that just AIN'T so. SELF never could find the help--it took another person(s) and a mighty determined G-d of my understanding to get my attention and convince me that something needed to change. I'da drank myself to my demise without those two things playing out in my life. SELF wasn't strong enough. I needed the 'or else' and the people G-d put in my path to bring me to where my feet are today. (thus ends my tangent....LOL)

Was a time when I was participating in multiple groups of the 'anonymous' type. My sponsor had the foresight to let me run the wheels off of that theory--same 12 steps and the disease wasn't kind enough to neatly compartmentalize in my brain. Darn disease spilled over into ALL of my thinking. The same twelve steps would get to be worked, regardless of what 'anonymous group' I was landing in. Leastwise that was my experience.
My disease would LIKE me to spread myself thin, to put things into their own neat little places.......never to be touched cuz that doesn't 'belong' in one anonymous group or another. It was liking that my head was spinning and I was chasing my own tail, trying to analyze which part of what defect came as a result of what trauma by whom!...
I'd be so darn trying to 'figure THAT out' that I'd never get around to doing the deal! LOL ALMOST happened!

Didn't.
Who am I trying to fool?! (odds are--ME)

That freedom and happiness came as a result of the steps being lived.
It's that simple for me.
Admitting to the problem was a start that I'd made many times over--without doing something about the problem itself.

Being led through the steps, being accountable to do the deal 'or else'--was exactly what I needed.
I still need that today....regardless of what I MAKE the problem. And I genuinely do need that 'or else'. Perhaps not in the form or to the degree that I needed it when I landed in A.A.--but I need to be accountable. I came because I had to. I get to remain......how cool is that?

My 'newfound freedom and happiness' just IS today. I suspect that's cuz I'm STILL accountable to do the deal....even when I don't feel like it.

[caressa]

The nice thing is that all programs use the same Twelve Steps. No matter what the substance or defect, it all leads to the same soul sickness.

The tools of recovery work for me when I work them. For me it was letting go of denial, and having an honest look at me to see what I needed changing. It isn't about the drugs and alcohol, they haven't been the problem for many years, it is all about today. Living clean and sober without the use of people, places and things and using the 12 Steps to live, heal, and enjoy life in today.

For me it is about my thinking and letting go of anything that comes between me and who God would have me be in today. All I am asked to do is be the best me I can be today. The Twleve Steps give me that freedom.

[caressa]

Needed to read this again this morning.

[caressa222]

We will know a new freedom and a new happiness. That is what kept me coming back even tough I didn't think I belonged.