Topic: Judgmental

[SunnyGirl]

Taking other people's inventory.... instead of our own, is a
great way to ensure that you will continue to be frustrated
and miserable. When we "point a finger at someone else,
we have 3 more pointing back" at ourselves....

I am a recovering codependent.... I've never attended a
f2f meeting, I found on-line al-anon/nar-anon meetings that
helped me to grow and change. I have a long time sponsor
who helped me with working 12 steps and keeping me honest.
When she thought I was bull$hitting her she would call me
on it, and still does. I also have a loving Higher Power, who
I call God and HE's been by my side every step of this journey.
Does not going to F2F meeting mean that my road to recovery
is a farce?

My life is pretty simple, I try to treat others the way I want to
be treated.... I try to turn the other cheek, but there are times
will I will stand up and speak "my truths".... I try to "mean what
I say, but not say it mean".... I'm not perfect and there are
times when my words all come out in one breath and I'm
not certain they should have. Best I can do is work on it.....

I have learned and grown in my recovery here at EOR and
other recovery sites. My computer went down and I was
MIA for a number of years, but as soon as I was able to
get back on-line this was the first place I came. This site
is special to me and I give something back most every day.

I try to reach out to newcomers and encourage them to share
their thoughts.... I've been ignored and I've been thanked
numerous times for reaching out to them. When I think back
to when I first found 12-step recovery, it was because I was
pushed to jump in and become involved... Without that little
push (or urging) I might still be in the background reading and
not writing a thing on the boards. Does this mean I have
offended the rule "attraction rather than promotion"?

Max, is our fearless leader and he trusted me to keep things
running smoothly and I do my best to "keep it real" here at
EOR. I can't please everyone, but I would like to please the
majority.... If you have a suggestion of a better way, please
let me know. I am not perfect, but I don't know one human
being on earth that is.

Being judgmental is a very destructive attitude for
people in recovery. When we judge a person as being "better
than or less than", we are setting up a situation where we inflate
our egos. I prefer to keep my side of the sidewalk clean and
allow others to do the same.

We achieve spirituality through...

• release
• gratitude
• humility
• tolerance

Today, I have very little fear in my life, I trust in God to get me
through the hard times. I no longer have time to feel sorry for
myself, if my thoughts are those of gratitude. Resentments are
far and few between, if God led me to it, HE will get me through
it, all I have to do is take it to HIM in prayer. HE is the one that
will judge me, am I honest or dishonest with HIM and others.....
Don't judge me or anyone until you've walked in their shoes. I'm
pleased with the progress I've made on this journey, I get up
each day and try to do a little better.

When I am wrong, I am willing to admit it, make amends, and
work for change..... Just for today I will do my best and will
not allow others to get inside my head and disturb my serenity.

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[SunnyGirl]

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person
knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel
that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours
is the only path.” - Paulo Coelho

Often times, I've forced myself to smile, when I felt like
crying. I sometimes find that those who claim not to
cast judgment over others, do so, not always in overt,
or in your face ways. Instead, there are the whispers
and private correspondences... I've always tried to ignore
the whispers, "what other people think about me is none
of my business".... but it still stings! They present that
smiling face for others to see, but words can be a powerful
thing.... I pray that I will always take time to weigh my
words, with the hope I am not being hurtful....

Judge not lest you be judged....

Peace on the journey, SG

[caressa]

For many years, it was do onto other as they do onto you. For so many years, I was a victim of other people's choices. Mainly because I allowed them to judge my life and allow them to tell me what to do, say, think, etc. I didn't know it was alright to be my own person.

Recovery taught me I didn't have to be the victim, martyr, game player, etc. and that it was okay to be me and to stand in my own truth.

Having said that, I in turn need to do the same towards others. Most times I take things in stride, consider where it came from, and not take it personal. Other times, my defects of character make themselves known and I hit back.

When in a quandry, I try to remember to ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" The New Testament chapters are good lessons as to how to live your life; although I am inclined to take some of it with a grain of salt, I can find the truth behind it. Some people say that AA is an old story. LOL! The Bible is much older still rings true in today if you open your mind to learning and changing.

[BW]

Thank You SG for your honesty and integrity

One of our principles is to be NON-judgemental. yet we continue to see it constantly...Even as I type those words I question myself, "Am I being the judge of the judger?" then I remember the words of my sponsor who explained that we are mirrored images of each otehr. we see ourselves in the reflection of others...Then she went on to suggest that when I see myself in others...I say the prayer..."God change me"... followed by the serenity prayer

Thanx again for this very thought provoking post

[caressa]

My sponsor always told me if you are ever in doubt about what you need to work on in your life, look at where you are pointing your finger. Listen for the words of the message, don't look at the messanger.

Each meeting was a mirror where I found myself. As the saying goes, it takes one to know one. I also had to remember that it wasn't only the negative but the postive too.

We haven't walked the same journey to get here, we have not experienced the same trials and tribulations and yet, I have found we have a common denominator: The 12 Steps which showed me it is the thinking and feelings that led me astray. I looked outside of myself for something to make me feel better. I didn't feel like I could get along without a man in my life and ironically, every time I had a man in my life, I experienced abuse both physical and mental. Having said that, no one did a bigger number on me than me. No one hurt me more than me hurting me for feeling less than, not measuring up, by comparing instead of identifying.

I was just addicted to relationships as I was to alcohol. I had the same problem with shopping and Lottery tickets as I had with pills. It all leads to the same soul sickness.

[caressa]

Time for Joy - Book - Quote

Today I am learning to stop judging and comparing so that I can be with what is. I am learning to accept what is without the struggle of trying to decide whether it is right or wrong.

I like this, both people have a point of view, It is right to them. Just because they differ, doesn't make them wrong. It just is. Acceptance is the key to all our problems today.

It is not my right to project my thoughts onto another and expect them to agree and comply. I need to state my thoughts, say what is, leave it there and let go. Their reaction to it is their stuff not mine, certainly not mine to react to.

That is when the Serenity Prayer kicks in

[BW]

For me...and just for me...I cannot always state my thoughts...I have to ask myself.."Is it kind? Is it necessary?"

to be honest not all my thoughts can be put into "acceptable words". I have had to ask God to change my thoughts 'cuz truthfully some thoughts in my head need to be censored...LOL

My thunker is still broken, as my sponosr used to tell me... The 11th step prayer comes to mind here..."Let me be an open channel..." I have to ask God to speak thru me and that means I get to sspeak from my heart where truth and love live and reside within me.

The other thing that comes to my mind is something that is seldom used as a topic at meetings...."RESPECT" Yes we have a constituional right to free speech...However with that freedom comes a responsibility. For me that responsibility is RESPECT

Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion...I have discovered on this journey that tho I have the freedom to have my own opiionions...Not every one needs or wants to hear them
What is most vitally important is my relationship with God...
Since I realized others need not be subjected to my opinions I can sit quietly for hours and it is amazing to me how much more I learn and hear that way.

[SunnyGirl]

Jul 9, 2011 13:18:11 GMT -5 BW said:

For me...and just for me... I cannot always state my thoughts...
I have to ask myself.."Is it kind? Is it necessary?"
to be honest not all my thoughts can be put into "acceptable words".

Taking that few moments between when I want to
respond and I do respond are very important.... if
only for my peace of mind! Once the words are out
there, they will never magically disappear. There
have been times when I've had to bite my tongue till
the urge passed. Telling someone exactly what I think
is not always a good thing! IMHO.... God gave us only
one mouth but two ears, I think HE was trying to tell
us to listen more and speak less.... On the boards, I
like to keep it simple.... A long wordy post may seem
impresive, but it's very difficult for me to finish. I hope
today I can be judged by what I do and not by what I
say. Sharing my E.S.H. and not my opinion, just seems
to work out best....

Seek peace, and pursue it.... Proverbs 34:14

I want a peaceful heart and attitude today and
I'll let God do the judging!

Peace on the journey, SG