Substitution

[caressa]

To an alcoholic, changing drinks is like changing cabins on the Titanic. - Unknown origin

This reminded me of my ex-husband who generally drank beer because he became violent when drinking hard liquor.

Me I didn't like beer, had trouble getting beyond the taste and the smell. Yet drank one on occasion, and one night when my husband was too drunk to finish his beer, I drank it rather than leave it on the table.

Comparing myself to him almost killed me. Comparing myself to others in recovery, kept me sick. Thinking I was better than some because I didn't use what they did. Feeling less than because of my track record with men on my quest for more love, attention, and wanted them to keep my in the style I wanted to be accustomed to.

Alcohol is alcohol no matter what the brand. Some just went down smoother than others. When I went to a certain Legion, they had one of my favorite's on tap, Johnny Walker's Gold. Every time I went there, I got royally p*ssed, even so, I would never let my husband drive home, mainly because he was in worse shape than I was.

When I tried to quit drinking, I escalated my pill intake. Instead of being p*ssed, I walked around stoned. In the end, I was starting to drink again.

I was grateful that I got so sick smoking Wacky Tabbacky, I might not have lived to make it to the doors of recovery.

I left AA at one time because there were so many people on pill and pot maintenace and I didn't have any tolerance toward them. I went to NA. I figured if I was going to be around people who used drugs, I might as well be there. I loved their literature when I discovered it in treatment in 1991.

I ended up going to Al-Anon and went to AA and NA as required. I went to AA for my denial. I go to NA for identification. I go to Al-Anon for my recovery. Now that I am on the internet, I have 3-333 reasons to go to Al-Anon.

Don't pick up, no matter what!

[BW]

I qualify for a great many programs and i tried participating in them all however I got so confused and so overwhelmed I wanted to go screaming into the night....I shared my feelings with an old timer who showed me a secret phrase hidden in step 12....."Practice these principles in all my affairs." This "wise elder" share her ESH & explained to me she had been where I was and discovered that little 3 letter word "ALL" in that phrase and that a lightbulb was turned on for her.

She realized no matter what program it is the principles are all the same. Further that little 3 letter word encompassed every part of her life and all the addictions and "isms" that she was afflicted with. Upon occasion when the need arises with a newbie I will visit an al-anon, CA or NA or whatever meeting and I have no problem with that but for the most part I found my tribe and am very aware of the unsafe places [which includes the space between my ears] as well as unsafe substances and substitutions. As long as I keep God first and ask him daily to direct my path I know I will remain unharmed.

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing. I like that the principles are all the same no matter what fellowship you belong to. For me, the common deonominator are the 12 Steps, which for me are the tools of recovery and commont to all fellowship. They may change a few words here and there, yet it still asks us for the same thing.

When I think recovery, I think AA. It was AA that I went to twice a day for two years. It was AA that I went to and immersed myself in, 24 hours a day because I was told it was a 24 hour a day program, not a 2-4 hour a day program.

I had to look at all areas of who I was. An adult child of an alcoholic and a mother who was a food addict. The ex-wife on an alcoholic. The mother of a still practicing, self-admitted addict and alcoholic. I was sponsor to 5 women, two who died from their disease, what one is still using, another who is in and out of recovery and when she is clean, will often call me and I run into her at the mall, and another one who I suggested that she get another sponsor. I told her I couldn't be a sponsor if she didn't want to work an AA program. We still connect in today either by phone or by e-mail.

As I have said many times, "I wen to AA for my denial." I always knew I was an addict.

It was important to know that alcohol was not my only problem. It was even more important to know that the drug wasn't the problem, the problem was me. The substance is but a symptom of my disease.

Alcoholism affects so many people. It is a shame that more people are not filling the rooms of recovery. It seems like they can't get past the blaming of the alcoholic and not being able to recognize their own problems. As I heard earlier today, "It is rooted in the self!" Quit looking outward and start looking inward.