Tuesday: PRAISE - CRITICIZE

[SunnyGirl]

PRAISE - CRITICIZE

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there
is in life to celebrate.” - - Oprah Winfrey

My granny always told me, "if you don't have anything good
to say, don't say anything at all". Didn't really understand
it as a kid, but can see the wisdom in this today. I have to
really watch myself on this one, what I think of as constructive
criticism can sound like "nit picking" to others. Honey, gets
on me about this from time to time.... ODAT

Offering a word of praise can be very effective in picking
someones spirits up. It's nice to see a smile occur when
all you did was utter a few simple words of kindness.

I remember from church, "praise God from whom all blessings
flow"... It's important for me to acknowledge all the gifts
I've been given, God has been very good to me. I am always
grateful, just need to remember to praise His name ..... HE
is my strength, He is my everything!

Peace on the journey, SG

[majestyjo]

Found this and thought, how strange, no one responded to it. Don't know where I was that day, but it isn't often that I miss a post.

I think it is important to give credit where credit is due. It is good to boost the moral and the spirit of someone, especially when they are feeling less than and the old tapes are playiing in their life.

I think it is good to remind them that they are the ones pushing the 'play' button and that they need to rewind and play a new tape. All those old tapes need to be erased and new ones made.

I don't think that criticism is bad if it is done in the right spirit and spoke with kind words and not judgmental, but in a manner of sharing our experience, strength, and hope to help let them know that they are not alone and that there is a new way of life.

It is not good to be down on oneself. I am my own worst critic and I needed to learn to give myself some TLC, the tender loving care that I gave to others.

[bunnypie]

I miss Sunnygirl she always had good stuff to say. Maybe she will be back? I am back and I am glad you are here! YOU are the anchor that keeps the
site floating and I want to thank you so much!!!-----Bunnypie

[majestyjo]

It is not me, this is a we program. Lin has been the faithful one. Me, I got booted off for posting too much, so there were times when I wasn't here, even though I wanted to be. I almost didn't come back, but I saw all the visitors and no one posting. Why have a site when you don't have material for them to read when they get here?

[bunnypie]

You are absolutely right! Some people like to read and some like to just reply. Some don't feel comfortable bringing up a topic. I have seen this in face to face live meetings. Nobody wants to chair the meeting but everyone (mostly) wants to make a comment. Lin was here in 2005 when I first joined as Mistyeve. She is one of the long time members of this site and I admire her for her longevity and loyalty. We are talking over 10 years or maybe more??? That is extremely impressive!!! WE can do something together that I can't. That is the first word in the first step. WE!!!

[majestyjo]

I was here originally in 2003 as Caressa. I was away for different times over the years, but I have kept coming back. EoR is my online home group. That is why I share in the different sections, I qualify for them all. My focus for 10 years was Al-Anon because of my son's addiction, which has grown progressively worse. I just joined an AA group two months ago. I had been looking, and found one at 12 noon, which fits my timetable as I find it difficult to go out at night.

Both here and on another site, I was asked to get the site built up and active and then I was told that I was posting too much and they didn't want me to post the daily readings. I have had my posts moved and deleted. Some people just don't want to hear what I have to say. I have done a lot of recovery work on myself and with others over the years. I started being active in service at 2 years clean and sober.

[bunnypie]

Hey Jo---I went to a 10am morning meeting today. The topic was on listening. A lot of alcoholics are NOT good at listening. The chairman said something that really hit me hard. He said talking = sharing but listening = caring. Your signature says that you share because you care but according to what the meeting was on today you have to listen to really care. When you don't listen it is your ego (easing God out) I thought this was some amazing advice!!! I have to NOT bombard people with too much information and be willing to listen. I handed out 25 flyers today to invite people to this site to talk & listen. I am hoping that we get some more members to be able to practice talking & listening. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth because we are suppose to listen twice as much as talk!!!!----Bunnypie

[majestyjo]

Each person has their own program. I am glad it works for them, it sure wouldn't work for me. As the slogan says, "Learn to listen, listen to learn." Some people just want to do what they think they need and don't want to address the whole issue or look at the whole picture. They say HOW the program works, they are not willing to be honest with themselves, have a closed mind and not open to new concepts or growth, and willing to go to any length to achieve sobriety. "I am not going to do that, heaven forbid." As they say, "We need a change in attitude to aid recovery."

Been there, wore the t-shirt, but for me, to use is to die. That means any substance that takes me out of Self. I don't mean selfish and self-centered. I mean God centered and getting in touch with my Higher Self or Inner Self and connect to the God of my understanding.

Ironically, it was a guy who I saw come out of the washroom taking a drink out of a mickey on a cigarette break, who kept saying at meetings, "Learn to listen, listen to learn." After seeing him drink, I closed my mind to what he had to say. Several years later, he was the speaker and I almost walked out. He had a great message, he was clean and sober, and he gave a very spiritual message. He did say his "learn to listen, listen to learn" and in truth, that is what I needed that night. So we can't block things out, that shelf is there for a purpose and has stood me in good stead over the years, even though I have admitted here that I don't like to dust, and don't review what is there and forgotten. That is another reason why I go back to old posts. I often get inspiration from others, but from my own posts as well. It is not ego, it is my God directing me to something that I once knew and forgot. Sometimes, I have forgot to practice or a needed a renewal of my thinking, whether the words came from me or someone else.

I am my own worst critic.  I do think praise is due where it is due, especially when working with a newcomer.

[bunnypie]

YES! nobody can beat me up like I beat myself up! I look in the mirror and I see a bald, hideous, disgusting person. I use to be pretty and now I am like a monster. I have been avoided & shunned by some people because they don't know what to say or are terrified at the radical change in my apearance. I hurts me to my soul and I have to learn to forgive them and myself for causing them "shock & awe" I have to remember that it is progress NOT perfection and that I am a work in progress just like everyone else........Bunnypie

[majestyjo]

You don't have to forgive yourself for causing anyone anything. You don't have the power. It is their stuff and their bad if they are noticeably disrespecting you. You need to respect yourself.

We are all works in progress. As they say in Al-Anon, we didn't cause it, can't control it, and we can't cure it. We are powerless over people, places and things.

[majestyjo]

It is ironic, that I have had 3 sponsors (AA, Al-Anon, and service) all tell me to leave the site beause it wasn't healthy for my sobriety, especially when I was asked to leave for posting too much on the board.

When I am in pain, I will come on the site and read old posts, if there is nothing new and when a post spoke to me, I shared on it. When I did this, it helped and when I shut down my computer, my pain had gone or had lessened enough for me to get some sleep.

This site has given me so much over the years, it is only RIGHT that I give back to it.

When we share, we can get our thoughts out and see where we are in today. It can be a very enlightening experience. For me, that is why we share, to put our thoughts in order and share and identify our truth in today. It isn't always as I would like it to be, but it is about getting honest with myself. I am not too keen on this chip, by right I can't in truth praise myself, but I can praise and thank my Higher Power. I am my worst critic and there are times that I need to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself.

EoR has helped me get through many a sleepless night, even if I have to talk to myself or go into old posts to find the answers there. This is a one day program. I am so grateful that the story never grows old.

[gm]

WHY DON'T YOU 2 QUIT FIGHTING AND USE THE SITE FOR WHAT IT'S FOR?  THIS ONGOING BATTLE IS CHILDISH IMMATURE & JUST PURE NONSENSE.  THE ONLY PEOPLE POSTING ARE YOU 2 AND NOBODY WANTS TO GET INVOLVED IN YOUR FIGHT!  IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON AND LET THE PAST BE THE PAST AND TRY TO GET NEW PEOPLE WITH NEW AND POSITIVE IDEAS TO COME TO THIS SITE.   GM

[bunnypie]

thanks for your opinion GM

[majestyjo]

I agree with you gm, I am trying not to respond. Once in a while I like to clarify where I am coming from. We all walk a recovery path. We don't always walk the same walk. If I tried to live another person's program, I would get drunk or stoned. Thanks for the reminder, it is my program.

[bunnypie]

I think GM has a real valid point. We need to stay in the present (or at least September 2016) JO! you have in your signature get rid of the old to make room for the new! The start of this post was from 2011!!! Could we try to stay in September 2016? Please???!!!---Bunnypie

[majestyjo]

We are in today, but the messages from 2011 are still valid in today. The message never grows old for me. I take my recovery from wherever I can get it. If the message speaks to me, I like to share it.

[bunnypie]

Is that your final answer? You don't want to ask the audience or phone a friend?

[majestyjo]

Don't make telephone calls between 9 p.m. and 9 a.m. if I can help it. Most of my pain is at night. That is why I don't go out to night meetings. At 25 years sober, I am secure in my program, I have a Higher Power that I can always turn to.

[bunnypie]

okay whatever-----Bunnypie