Depression, Resentment, Frustration...

[caressa]

Have had difficulty sleeping, which really isn't new, I have been to a sleep disorder clinic. It is part of the fibromyalgia and common with this type of arthritis.

Today I hurt my arm when I got up to answer the phone today. Went back to bed and slept for two hours. Best sleep I have had in a long time. Tonight I am yawning, my eyes are watering, and I can't sleep.

I think this in part to this afternoons sleep. But I feel like I am in a depression that I can't seem to come out of. Anti-depressents have never helped in the past and my doctor has tried several. Again, I look at them as chemical serenity, so perhaps part of it is my attitude. There are some people with a chemical imbalance who need them, but I have never been tested for this.

I know that many people early in recovery go through a grieving, sadness, and depression due to losing their best friend, there drug of choice. Many doctor's prescribe pills for this instead of allowing the people to heal in a health way.

What really scared me was lying in bed and thinking I smelled alcohol. Mind you, I was at my bridge party tonight and people were drinking wine. I was drinking alcohol-free punch. It was not a good night in bridge. I played with a woman I had only played with once before and we had bottom. Tonight I think we were fourth from the bottom. I know I had a resentment because she never returned my leads and I found myself not always trusting her bidding. She is quite new to the game and I was trying to have some patience and tolerance and just enjoy playing the game. She had me sit as score keeper and yet she always told me what the score was after each hand. I think she has control issues. LOL.

I found myself acting out in an old pattern, trying to make something happen that wasn't there.

The good news was my son came to visit today. The bad news was he didn't stay more than half an hour. I think this was on my mind as well. No one had called while I was away, and I think my Inner Self decided to have a pity party. Maybe that is where the smell of alcohol came from.

Thanks for letting me share, now I may be able to go to sleep. A burden shared is a burden lessened.

[majestyjo]

This brought some good lessons and things I need to be aware of. Today was a weird day in that I slept for most of it, which is highly unusual and I have had a headache since I woke up. I talked to a friend when I got home. She said that she has found that she has to focus on the now. When I looked at the OA reading, it said focus on the living. You can't live too much if you sleep most of the day away. The thing was that I fell asleep in my chair twice before I went to bed. I seem to be fight it, so there is something there that I need to process. One thing is that I have wanted to go back playing bridge. I was on medication which seem to block my memory and I was afraid that I couldn't be a good partner. There is no reason why I can't try again. I am not on the same medication.

[caressa222]

Her I am again wanting to play bridge. Also waiting for pool to start again, but first I have to walk again.