Post by BW on Aug 12, 2011 17:28:04 GMT -5
For The Parent of a Child Active in Addiction
Dear Child,
I write this letter to you, not out of anger or hate, but out of love.
You are my dear child and I have never, even for one minute, stopped loving you, though you may think that I have. Whenever you were ill, I gladly got up in the middle of the night to attend to you and to watch over you with a prayer on my lips - such was my love for you. I want you to know this.
Today you suffer from a life-threatening disease. This is not your fault and I do not hold you responsible for having caught it. I also know that this is a very hard disease from which to recover. Achieving sobriety and abstinence is fraught with pain and tears and will be the hardest journey you will ever take. If I could do it for you, I would, even at the cost of my own life.
But I can’t.
I know that this mountain has to be climbed by you and by you alone. No one can recover for you. No one can be appointed to do it in your stead. It must be your journey out of the darkness into the light.
I have read many books, spoken to many people, all who represent the collective knowledge of thousands upon thousands who have suffered from your disease. Without exception they all say the same thing. Only you can "do whatever it takes" to stop your insanity.
But you won’t.
You have given me never-ending reasons why you can’t take this journey. I have heard every possible "rationalization" from you. I have lain awake so many nights doubting my own sanity because the things you said made such sense. But now I know that you will only stop when you, and only you, have a burning desire to stop.
Which you don’t
Now I have come to realize that only two outcomes are possible. I accept this as absolute truth. Either you will stop, or you will die. That’s it, no in-between gray area. No other outcomes ... no other dreams for me.
And so I have to prepare us for your death from this disease that you refuse to acknowledge. I know you think I’m strong.
But I’m not.
That is why I have to do whatever it takes to save our family from the pain that your destruction will cause us all. To this end, my dear child, it will be best if we part company, so that we will be spared the suffering of waiting for you to recover, or die.
Which you will.
We must part company so that the 90% of our time, energy and inner strength that your brothers and sisters have been deprived of for so long now, be given to them before they too become dysfunctional because of our neglect of their needs. I fear that one day they will resent us for not giving them of our energy as we did for you.
Please don’t think that we are doing this because we are angry with you. We are past that now. We are giving you the freedom to choose your own destiny. We just can’t share that choice with you. I am sure you think that we are abandoning you, We are not. We will be here, anxiously waiting for your knock at our door, instead of a policeman’s.
All we ask is that you do not knock until you are completely substance free for at least a year and your life is back on track.
If you choose not to take that path, then we will all respect your choice. Only, don’t ask us to share the consequences of that choice. Don’t ask us to hear your voice. Don’t ask us to contribute to your demise by giving you money, clothes, food or shelter. But most of all, don’t ask us to listen to the lies, the manipulation and the insanity.
Because we can’t.
So my dear child, it is now up to you. Go with God and go in peace.
If you should develop a "burning desire" to become clean and sober, there are many fine institutions and clinics which are available to you. Some are even free, such as (Name) at (Telephone #).
However, you will have to do it by yourself. Don’t even tell us about it. You just do whatever it takes to get a year’s clean time. We can’t do it for you. God knows I would if I could.
But I can’t.
Ever in my prayers …
Your Mother
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was posted in one of the AA Email groups I am active in from another recovery group as there are several recovering there dealing with a child in active addiction, Though signed mother it can be any parent.
Dear Child,
I write this letter to you, not out of anger or hate, but out of love.
You are my dear child and I have never, even for one minute, stopped loving you, though you may think that I have. Whenever you were ill, I gladly got up in the middle of the night to attend to you and to watch over you with a prayer on my lips - such was my love for you. I want you to know this.
Today you suffer from a life-threatening disease. This is not your fault and I do not hold you responsible for having caught it. I also know that this is a very hard disease from which to recover. Achieving sobriety and abstinence is fraught with pain and tears and will be the hardest journey you will ever take. If I could do it for you, I would, even at the cost of my own life.
But I can’t.
I know that this mountain has to be climbed by you and by you alone. No one can recover for you. No one can be appointed to do it in your stead. It must be your journey out of the darkness into the light.
I have read many books, spoken to many people, all who represent the collective knowledge of thousands upon thousands who have suffered from your disease. Without exception they all say the same thing. Only you can "do whatever it takes" to stop your insanity.
But you won’t.
You have given me never-ending reasons why you can’t take this journey. I have heard every possible "rationalization" from you. I have lain awake so many nights doubting my own sanity because the things you said made such sense. But now I know that you will only stop when you, and only you, have a burning desire to stop.
Which you don’t
Now I have come to realize that only two outcomes are possible. I accept this as absolute truth. Either you will stop, or you will die. That’s it, no in-between gray area. No other outcomes ... no other dreams for me.
And so I have to prepare us for your death from this disease that you refuse to acknowledge. I know you think I’m strong.
But I’m not.
That is why I have to do whatever it takes to save our family from the pain that your destruction will cause us all. To this end, my dear child, it will be best if we part company, so that we will be spared the suffering of waiting for you to recover, or die.
Which you will.
We must part company so that the 90% of our time, energy and inner strength that your brothers and sisters have been deprived of for so long now, be given to them before they too become dysfunctional because of our neglect of their needs. I fear that one day they will resent us for not giving them of our energy as we did for you.
Please don’t think that we are doing this because we are angry with you. We are past that now. We are giving you the freedom to choose your own destiny. We just can’t share that choice with you. I am sure you think that we are abandoning you, We are not. We will be here, anxiously waiting for your knock at our door, instead of a policeman’s.
All we ask is that you do not knock until you are completely substance free for at least a year and your life is back on track.
If you choose not to take that path, then we will all respect your choice. Only, don’t ask us to share the consequences of that choice. Don’t ask us to hear your voice. Don’t ask us to contribute to your demise by giving you money, clothes, food or shelter. But most of all, don’t ask us to listen to the lies, the manipulation and the insanity.
Because we can’t.
So my dear child, it is now up to you. Go with God and go in peace.
If you should develop a "burning desire" to become clean and sober, there are many fine institutions and clinics which are available to you. Some are even free, such as (Name) at (Telephone #).
However, you will have to do it by yourself. Don’t even tell us about it. You just do whatever it takes to get a year’s clean time. We can’t do it for you. God knows I would if I could.
But I can’t.
Ever in my prayers …
Your Mother
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was posted in one of the AA Email groups I am active in from another recovery group as there are several recovering there dealing with a child in active addiction, Though signed mother it can be any parent.
((
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.