Post by caressa on Aug 21, 2011 4:42:59 GMT -5
If everything is coming your way...you're in the wrong lane. - Anon. - Alkie Speaks
The disease that says I don't have it. The disease that says everyone else is wrong and I am right.
I have a joke on my site with a similar theme. I was laughing over it a couple of days ago and here it is in Recovery Emporium.
Always looking out at the other person and comparing instead of identifying. It kept me sick for so many years. I had no recognition for myself at my first AA meeting.
I kept looking for outs when in fact I should have been spending time looking within.
As they say, I came, I came to, and I came to believe that AA would work for me. Steps 1, 2, & 3.
It wasn't about the alcoholic(s) in my life, although I thought so. I had to look at myself. They were falling down drunks. They were verbally and emotionally abusive. My husband(s) where physically abusive. I allowed it to happen and used alcohol and drugs to cover up my own pain. Why did I stay in a 7 year abusive relationship?
Through old tapes from growing up and my upbringing, I didn't know I could say "No" and I thought it was my role to play. Because I had trouble playing the role, because I had a problem with not being allowed to be myself, because I felt unloved and unwanted, because I had the feeling of being ugly, not a good mother, daughter, wife, I drank. I reach out for pills which were dried up alcohol to me.
Through the God of my understanding, I learned to understand myself. Not what others said I should be, I just didn't fit into the mold and I kept breaking them. Then I felt guilt and shame and I drank.
It did seem like everything was coming at me and i couldn't cope, so I drank and drugged.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.