Just For Today

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From "A Vision for You":

"So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore.
Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up,
but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of
those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics
Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found
themselves, and have discovered the joy of helping
others to face life again, there will be no stopping until
everyone in that town has had his opportunity to
recover—if he can and will."

Fourth Edition; Alcoholics Anonymous, pgs. 163-64

When I was in early recovery, I remember wanting to stand on the tallest building and shout to the world, "Hey People! I have found this new way of living, let me tell you all about it!" I am sad to say, I have lost some of my enthusiasm over the years and yet it is always a good thing when I am able to share my recovery journey. Since then, I have learned that I can only help those who want help and are willing to do something about it. All I can do is plant the seed, I am powerless over what they do with it.

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From "My Chance to Live":
"Growing up in A.A., I have been blessed with children
who have never seen their mother drunk. I have a husband
who loves me simply because I am, and I have gained the
respect of my family. What more could a broken-down drunk
ask for? Lord knows it is more than I ever thought possible,
and ever so much more than I deserved. All because I was
willing to believe A.A. just might work for me too."

Fourth Edition; Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 318

It took a long time for me to get the trust back. A lot of my family and friends couldn't understand that it was a disease. My sister said, "Well, you were never known for your will power." It was my won't power that was the problem.

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From "Coincidence?":

"Only a block or so from the pier, I saw a man approaching
from the opposite direction, with his head down, walking
into the rain. When he came to me, he stopped and smiled,
and I recognized him as a priest I knew from home. I told him
I was very ill. He then sat on a bench with me in the rain and
assured me that in time all my troubles would pass and the
day would come when I would understand them. He said I
was not to do anything foolish, but ask God’s help, and
somehow everything would work out."

Came to Believe, pg. 71

This affirms the connection I feel when I meet someone when I go downtown. Hamilton is a big city and for me to meet and see someone I know is a blessing to me. When I see, eight to ten people, that is bonus. It tells me my soul is needy and I have been isolating too much.

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From "Medicine Looks at Alcoholics Anonymous":

"As excuse-makers and rationalizers, we drunks are
champions. It is the business of the psychiatrist to get
behind our excuses and to find the deeper causes for
our conduct. Though uninstructed in psychiatry, we
can, after a little time in A.A., see that our motives have
not been what we thought they were and that we have
been motivated by forces unknown to us. Therefore we
ought to look with the deepest respect, interest, and profit
upon the findings of psychiatry, remembering that up to
now the psychiatrists have been far more tolerant of us
than we have been of them. – Bill W."

Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, pg. 236

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I was told by many long-timers not to go to a psychiatrist and that I should not take an analytical approach to my disease. I did go to a therapist and talk about my emotions and my issues in today. I went to a self-esteem group and quit after four weeks. I did the same at an anger management class but only lasted three weeks. I told to teacher that I wasn't there to do her job. I felt that working the 12 Steps, going to meetings, and reading the literature helped me to heal. I had been where those people were but thanks to AA, I was there no longer.

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From "A Vision for You":

"But life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than
attending gatherings and visiting hospitals. Cleaning
up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences,
explaining the disinherited son to his irate parents,
lending money and securing jobs for each other, when
justified—these are everyday occurrences. No one is too
discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially
—if he means business. Social distinctions, petty rivalries
and jealousies—these are laughed out of countenance.
Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and
united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to
the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to
some people no longer signify much to them. How could they?"

Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 161

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From "Because I'm an Alcoholic":

"That sense of being different, which had long plagued me,
disappeared when I saw the threads that run through all of
us. Sharing our stories, our feelings, it is the areas where
we are the same that impress me. The differences are but
delightful flourishes on the surface, like different-colored
costumes, and I enjoy them. But the basic ways we are
human, the basic ways we simply are, stand out to me
now. I came to see that we all are really one, and I
no longer feel alone."

Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 347

For many years I compared instead of identifying. I looked at the differences instead of the similiiarities. I didn't have black outs, I didn't like beer, I never drank my booze straight and on the rocks; therefore I can't be an alcoholic. Not living in the reality of the fact that if I drink 10-20 drinks when I go out, I can't be sober. When I drink or use any substance my personality changes and the substance takes over and I lose my sense of self. My priorities, integrity, morals, motives, etc. lose their priority. SLIP (Sobriety loses it's priority). I slip before I even pick up the drink or drug. Pills were dried up alcohol for me (see the story Doctor, Alocholic, Addict in the Big Book). I had black outs with pills but not with alcohol.

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From: "There Is A Solution"

Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences
have shown him that one drink means another debacle
with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it
he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water
wagon? What has become of the common sense and will
power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other
matters?

Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions.
Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts
differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once
a certain point is reached, little can be done for him.
We cannot answer the riddle.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc.,
Alcoholics Anonymous, page 22

This was a question I was asking myself. My son went to detox, went into rehab and had three months clean and sober. He chose to go back out to do more research. It is even more baffling when I know he knows there is a better way. He has seen it work for me for almost 17 years, and yet he chooses to continue to use. He has a new girlfriend which only adds to the chaos and bring havoc to the equation.

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From: "Chapter XXIII: His prescriptions for sobriety”
“You know, Dan,” he [Dr. Bob] told me, “many
people coming into A.A. get the wrong conception
of ‘Easy Does It,’ and I hope you don’t. It doesn’t
mean that you sit on your fanny, stay home from
meetings and let other people work the program
for you. It doesn’t mean you have an easy life
without drinking. ‘Easy Does It’ means you take it
a day at a time.”

He told me that before I could be honest with him
or my sponsor or anyone else, I had to “get honest
with that joker in the glass.”

I didn’t know what he meant by “that joker in the glass.”
He told me that was the man in the looking glass. “When
you shave tomorrow, get honest with the man who looks
back at you from the looking glass.”

Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers, page 282

Have been a joker for a few years who doesn't go to AA meeting much any more. I noticed a difference the last few times I went when I only knew about 1/4 of the people int he room. When I was active in service I knew at least 3/4s of the people at a meeting. I am looking forward to our AA conference "The Autumn Leaf Roundup in a month's time. It has always been my filling up station.

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From: "The Professor and the Paradox"
1. We SURRENDER TO WIN. On the face of it, surrendering
certainly does not seem like winning. But it is in A.A.. Only
after we have come to the end of our rope, hit a stone wall
in some aspect of our lives beyond which we can go no
further; only when we hit "bottom" in despair and surrender,
can we accomplish sobriety which we could never
accomplish before. We must, and we do, surrender in
order to win.

2. We GIVE AWAY TO KEEP. That seems absurd and untrue.
How can you keep anything if you give it away? But in order
to keep whatever it is we get in A.A., we must go about giving
it away to others, for no fees or rewards of any kind. When
we cannot afford to give away what we have received so
freely in A.A., we had better get ready for our next "drunk."
It will happen every time. We've got to continue to give it away
in order to keep it.

3. We SUFFER TO GET WELL. There is no way to escape the
terrible suffering of remorse and regret and shame and
embarrassment which starts us on the road to getting well
from our affliction. There is no new way to shake out a hangover.
It's painful. And for us, necessarily so. I told this to a friend of
mine as he sat weaving to and fro on the side of the bed, in
terrible shape, about to die for some paraldehyde. I said,
"Lost John" - that's his nickname - "Lost John, you know
you're going to have to do a certain amount of shaking
sooner or later." "Well," he said, "for God's sake let's make
it later!" We suffer to get well.

4. We DIE TO LIVE. That is a beautiful paradox straight out
of the Biblical idea of being "born again" or "losing one's
life to find it". When we work at our Twelve Steps, the old
life of guzzling and fuzzy thinking, and all that goes with it,
gradually dies, and we acquire a different and a better way
of life. As our shortcomings are removed, one life of us dies,
and another life of us lives. We in A.A. die to live.

Experience, Strength & Hope, pages 155-156

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From: "Educated Agnostic"
That was with me the beginning of a new life. It would be
difficult, if not impossible, for me to put into words the
change that has taken place in me. I have since learned
that with many members the change has been almost
instantaneous. This was not the case with me. I was
tremendously inspired at first, but my basic thinking was
not altered that evening nor did I expect any profound
change. I felt that while the spiritual aspect of what these
men had was not for me, I did believe strongly in the
emphasis they put on the need to help others. I felt that if
I could have the inspiration of these gatherings and if I
could have an opportunity to try to help others that the
two together would reinforce my own will power and thus
be of tremendous assistance. But gradually, in a manner I
cannot explain, I began to re-examine the beliefs I had
thought beyond criticism. Almost imperceptibly my whole
attitude toward life underwent a silent revolution. I lost many
worries and gained confidence. I found myself saying and
thinking things that a short time ago I would have condemned
as platitudes! A belief in the basic spirituality of life has grown
and with it belief in a supreme and guiding power for good.

Experience, Strength & Hope - Stories from the first three editions of Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 106-107

Having been brought up in a religious home, I became agonistic to what I had been brought up asa child and ended up realizing that God was an old tape, like so many other things in my life. I had to make God personal and look at who He was to me and develop a working relationship with Him.

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From: "As Dr. Bob said…"
According to Ed, Dr. Bob would explain prayer by telling
how the camels in a caravan would kneel down in the
evening, and the men would unload their burdens. In the
morning, they would kneel down again, and the men would
put the burdens back on. “It's the same with prayer,” Dr.
Bob said. “We get on our knees to unload at night. And in
the morning when we get on our knees again, God gives us
just the load we are able to carry for that day.”

DR. BOB and the Good Oldtimers, page 229

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Works for me. One of my favorite sayings is "God answers knee mail."

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From: "Listening to the Wind"

The Twelve Steps worked like a crowbar, prying into my
dishonesty and fear. I didn't like the things I learned about
myself, but I didn't want to go back where I had come from.
I found out that there was no substance on the planet that
could help me get honest. I would do just about anything
to avoid working on myself.

Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 467-468

Have heard that this is a program of reflection and have heard of mirrors, but this is new to me. I certainly can identify with having to pry things out of of the darkness into the light. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak.

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From: "Safe Haven"

In Alcoholics Anonymous, I knew I had found a protective
haven. But during the ensuing 4-1/2 years I fell into the
category known, in AA parlance, as a "chronic slipper."
I might get a good six months of sobriety under my belt,
but then I would get a bottle to celebrate.

I did all the things that were suggested for me not to do.
Within my first year around AA, I made some major
decisions, like getting married, renting the most expensive
apartment I could find, not using my sponsor, avoiding the
steps, hanging around old haunts with my old drinking pals,
and talking more than listening during meetings. In short,
I wasn't responding to the miracle of AA. My disease
progressed and I became a regular patient in detox hospitals,
intensive care units, and treatment centers. Permanent insanity
was drawing near, and the gates of death were in view.

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 455

How true this is. I remember the feeling of my first taste of alcohol at 10 years old. I was always searching for it and as the years progressed, it took more to reach it. Then when I got there, I could stop there, I had to have more. When alcohol stopped working, then I looked to other things. i.e. prescription pills, relationships, food, work, etc.

I was always looking outside of myself to make me feel better instead of looking inside of myself and taking the recovery road to my heart, I would take detours that led me back to my head.

I thought I was okay. Everyone else had the problem. I can still slip back into that old pattern and behaviours with food, bridge, books and the computer. The good thing is that I can identify when I am going there and can stop ask for help, surrender and find again, the acceptance of my disease.

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From: "A Vision for You"

Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one
man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it
contains all you will need to begin.

We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself:
"I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't do that." But you can. You
forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much
greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what
we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience
and labor.

Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 162-163

When I got to AA, I found hope. I had been trying to stop and STAY stopped for eight years and when I got here, I found people with many years of sobriety. Six months seemed like forever. Three months I was in such a fog, I hadn't even got a group and didn't get my pin until someone gave me one many years later to complete my set. I had to add open-mindedness and honesty to the list in order to receive the gift of sobriety (soundness of mind).

I couldn't find sobriety in dysfunctional relationships, using pills to replace the alcohol, working, shopping, food, etc. I was able to stay sober, but sobriety was a whole different thing and something that came as my relationship to my HP grew and through Him, I was able to change and acknowledge the things I needed to change and work the program (the 12 Steps).

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From: "Chapter 7: ‘Make it snappy…’"
During this 17-year period [1918-1935], Dr. Bob had
worked out a grim routine that permitted him to drink
and somehow still maintain his medical practice.
Careful never to go near the hospital while he was
drinking, he would stay sober until four o’clock in the
afternoon. “It was really a horrible nightmare, this
earning money, getting liquor, smuggling it home,
getting drunk, morning jitters, taking large doses of
sedatives to make it possible for me to earn more
money, and so on ad nauseum,” he wrote. “I used
to promise my wife, my friends, and my children that
I would drink no more - promises which seldom kept
me sober through the day, though I was very sincere
when I made them.”

PASS IT ON’, page 140

This reminds me of the eight years that I tried to quit my way. Going to bridge upstaires inthe Legion, going down to the bar and ordering two drinks before closing. I never thought of having just one, even when I was trying to quit. Went on parade and because I went in uniform, I got two liquor and two beer tickets. The beer ones went to my husband and we would split up, he would sit with someone who didn't drink beer and I would sit with someone who didn't drink liquor to get two more free ones. I always seemed to be able to tell myself that I was dressing up and doing an honroable thing, but could never admit to wanting the free booze.

Always use to say, I never drank in the morning. When I got honest, I had to look at what part of morning was I talking about. When you drink until 1-4 a.m. in the morning, I didn't get out of bed until 10 a.m. to noon. Had to be up for when the liquor store opened or be at the Legion for noon for when it opened.

My alcohol decreased in quantity and I thought I was doing great; not willing to look at the fact that my pill intake increased, along with my food, gambling, work hours, and my spending. The substance is but a symptom of my disease. It all leads to the same soul sickness.

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From: "Acceptance Was the Answer"

I can do the same thing with an AA meeting. The more I
focus my mind on its defects - late start, long drunkalogs,
cigarette smoke - the worse the meeting becomes. But
when I try to see what I can add to the meeting, rather than
what I can get out of it, and when I focus my mind on what's
good about it, rather than what's wrong with it, the meeting
keeps getting better and better. When I focus on what's good
today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I
have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases;
if I focus on the answer, the answer increases.

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 419

My sponsor always told me to call my problems "challenges". Challenges you can overcome. Problems you can stay stuck in.

He told me this when I was two years sober and it still works in today.

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From: "Bill’s Story"
It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will
is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor,
though it often remains strong in other respects. My
incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to
stop was explained. Understanding myself now, I fared
forth in high hope. For three or four months the goose
hung high. I went to town regularly and even made a little
money. Surely this was the answer - self-knowledge.

But it was not, for the frightful day came when I drank once
more. The curve of my declining moral and bodily health fell
off like a ski-jump. After a time I returned to the hospital. This
was the finish, the curtain, it seemed to me. My weary and
despairing wife was informed that it would all end with heart
failure during delirium tremens, or I would develop a wet brain,
perhaps within a year. She would soon have to give me over
to the undertaker or the asylum.

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 7

It is indeed a cunning, powerful, baffling disease and difficult enough for the alcoholic to understand, but for the family it is mind boggling. How can you explain just not being able to say no. No matter where the disease takes me, how do I explain it is not me but the disease that has taken over my life.

When I surrender that disease to the program, then and only then am I empowered to do what I need to do for myself.

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From: "From Loneliness to Solitude"

There are two sides of man’s being alone. In our language,
“loneliness” expresses the pain of being alone. “Solitude”
expresses the glory of being alone.

What happens to us in AA that makes it possible for us,
not only to endure, but to enjoy moments of solitude?
What changes our loneliness to solitude?

The love and understanding we find in AA are a protective
curtain between ourselves and the aching aloneness of our
drinking days. The first few weeks, some of us spend most
of our time in an AA club talking with others. Then it becomes
evident that we must go to work and somehow meet the
demands and responsibilities of our daily lives. We are
afraid. Will the old loneliness hit us again when we are out
of the actual presence of other AA members?

Sooner or later, by practicing the principles of the Twelve
Steps, we find in ourselves a very precious thing, something
inside that we can be comfortable with regardless of whether
we are at home by ourselves or anywhere else that life takes us.

AA members are not emotional cripples who need someone
to hold their hands every moment of the day and night to
prevent their falling. We grow up with the help of God, as we
understand Him, and the fellowship of the group, and by
applying the Twelve Steps to our lives.

Came to Believe…, page 109

It has been my observation that many go back to work or to old people, places and things because they can't be alone with themselves. Many go back to work too early and don't have a sound foundation to build their recovery on. What brought me would have taken me back out if I hadn't gotten a network of people to call, dealt with a lot of my issues, and gone to a lot of meetings. I was one of the really sick ones and went to two meetings a day for two years. When available, I even went to three and even at ten years sober, I was still doing 7-10 a week because of service. Now at 17 years, I do one a week but if I didn't have this site and Recovery Inn to go to online, I know that I would have to do more meetings.

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From: "There Is A Solution"
Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found
himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which
as we have already told you, made him a free man.

We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the
desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a
flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful
hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you
prefer, "a design for living" that really works.

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 28

Today I became aware how we can still look for that outside source to make ourselves feel better. As it says here, they are flimsy reeds indeed and I need to have that strong foundation that I have only found in bulding that new life with the strength and guidance of my Higher Power. I love the quote "a design for living," It sure beats the old one!