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Post by Caressa2 on Jun 2, 2004 23:46:31 GMT -5
One of the spiritual principles of Step One. I would like to suggest that it be the topic of the week and hopefully others will share on it.
I had to learn to accept the fact that my son had inherited the disease of alcoholism. I am not sure if it is inherited or just the fact that we are often products of our environment. Perhaps a little bit of both, it really doesn't matter how you get it, it is acceptance of the fact that you have it.
I also had to accept my own disease, my caretaking and the need to live my life through other people. I was a Ms. Fix-It, who suffered from her own control, denial, dishonesty, etc. It was always easier to play the blame game, certainly much better than the shame game because I couldn't accept the fact that I didn't have the power to handle life on life's terms, that I found my self-worth through other people because I couldn't find it within myself, and that I had failed to take care of my son and that as a parent I had failed, not knowing that you can't pass on what you don't know.
Acceptance is the key to all of my problems today, when ....
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Post by Lin on Jun 3, 2004 9:10:19 GMT -5
Acceptance is always a great topic!
I think the thing that made it easier to accept those in my life with addictions was the realization tht I did nto have to like it or approve of it to accept it. I could accept that this is the way that person is. Not set blame. Not take on blame. Let go of my need to control, manipulate and change those around me. Acceptance was very freeing, but it did not happen overnight. I had to accept little things at first and then later bigger ones. I think accepting that alcoholism was a disease was the biggest thing I accepted that led to my recovery.
LIN
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Post by thebeemstress on Jun 4, 2004 10:32:06 GMT -5
Hello, it's been a couple of busy months, but I'm back. With summer after next week I dont have to keep my phone line open for work (being a sub), so I'll try to make meetings more.
Re acceptance; I went to see my husband 1000 miles away. Did not let my son see him, although he came with me (and my mom). Husband is not interested in being sober, thinks he's a "functional" addict, even though he abandoned us, said he wanted to stay in touch, take it slow, not lose son, doesnt want a divorce,etc. (after hostility was past).
Tried that for about 5 weeks, but he's now very hostile, so I'm done talking to him and going to legally separate to protect self and son. I file next week.
This was all extremely hard to accept, especially since there is a bizarre relationship he's got with a MUCH older woman, not his type at ALL, and he's given himself over to the evil of crystal meth and the demons that use it to their advantage. I decided the last time I spoke with him that I wasnt' going to let him hurt me anymore. That's when I knew I needed to separate. I still love the real person that I hope is not lost, but am having to learn to accept that that isnt' who he is now and I dont know how long it could be for him to want sobriety. Hopefully he doesnt die before then.
Please keep us in your prayers, let's hope he doesnt bother to contest the terms (no parenting time for him at this time - he wont like it to be official, even though he hasnt even bothered with son in 9 months).
Somehow, the decision to legally separate has made it easier to accept the current situation. I'm not really sure why. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Im not seeking divorce at this point, so it's less painful than that woudl be, I think. Well, that's all for now. Bye.
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Post by Caressa2 on Jun 4, 2004 11:26:41 GMT -5
(((thebeemstress)))
Welcome back and thank you for sharing. I too seperated first then got divorced. When the divorce went through I went out and bought a bottle of Crown Royale. I was twenty-four and had never been in a liiquor store in my life, my sister and I tossed a coin to see who would be the one to go in. I lost the toss, and from that day until I came into recovery, I bought a lot of bottles. My sister never drank until about a year before I came into recovery and she started drinking the Coolers. She realized that she was starting to want more, and made the decision to stop.
She chose the church and I chose rebellion. It was like, I drank to 'his' health. The courts would not let me keep my son away from his father, he was granted visitation but that was 38 years ago.
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Post by thebeemstress on Jun 5, 2004 22:35:50 GMT -5
Hello, again. The courts here will probably not let him see our son for now, and with drugs and abandonment (he has surpassed the legal requirement on that one) the best he will get is supervised visitation, probably in a court facility, with drug testing. I highly doubt that he will bother if it is like that. He is a thousand miles away, anyway, and hasn't bothered even to send a Christmas or birthday present (or even a card) to our son. They can be pretty hard on deadbeat parents here. Keep your fingers crossed, since he's definately a risk now, being unpredictable and all. Until it's final I will be nervous, but I expect hope it goes smooth. Thanks - T
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Post by majestyjo on Jan 16, 2016 18:29:25 GMT -5
Acceptance is still the key. My sponsor told me that I had to accept the fact that my son just may choose to carry the message, "To use is to die."
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Post by majestyjo on Jan 18, 2021 0:17:09 GMT -5
Acceptance of my own disease as well as my sons. He has to walk his own journey, I cant do it for him.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.