Post by Lin on Sept 30, 2011 10:10:47 GMT -5
I noticed APPROVAL SEEKING is one of the characteristics of ACOA. I definitely had that as long as I can rememebr! Both of my parents seemed unable to give me encouragement. I can't rememebr a single time when they told me they were proud of me or I did a good job. More memories are words such as I'd never amount to anything or I could never make a good decision about anything. When I was in the 2nd grade my teacher told me she was proud of me. I went home and told my mother I i\wished Mrs. B was my mother because she was proud of me. My mother cried for days that I'd say such a thing. She rememebred it for many YEARS and threw it back tome from time to time...
My approval seeking continued into adult hood and even after I foudn recovery. I wanted recognition at work. When there were awards I wanted to get s\them. I was always disappointed and felt "less than" if I didn't get them. I rememebr once we were traveling as a group to a staff meeting in Louisville. One lady got mentor of the year, one leader of the year, one receptionist of hte year. and one got an award for attendance and weight loss numbers at her meeting. I was the one one in the car who didn't get anything. I wanted to crawl under the seats. I was so ashamed. I had done nothing wrong,....jsut didn't get recognized. As the eyars progressed, my insecurities abtou seeing myself get overlooked for different things made me very sad. One year a local leader got leader of the year jsut because she took on 14 meetings a week. Yet I KNEW I was a better leader. She rarely looked athte leader guide. Many weeks she didn't even know the asigned topic. SHe'd jstu pass out cookbooks and ask what you'd make if you had an extra 5 points for ht the day. She often wore bib orveralls or shorts or flip flops to lead and I saw that as quite unprofessional. I wore business suits liek somebody working at a bank might wear. My emetings were more fun and the memebrs alwayts tol me how I motivated them and they enjoyed mine more than any leader they'd ever had.
BUt he approval seeking was still there.
I also know many times I'd say YES to doing a project when I really didn't have the time..just hopeing people woudl like me.
DO you have a problem with approval seeking?
LIN
My approval seeking continued into adult hood and even after I foudn recovery. I wanted recognition at work. When there were awards I wanted to get s\them. I was always disappointed and felt "less than" if I didn't get them. I rememebr once we were traveling as a group to a staff meeting in Louisville. One lady got mentor of the year, one leader of the year, one receptionist of hte year. and one got an award for attendance and weight loss numbers at her meeting. I was the one one in the car who didn't get anything. I wanted to crawl under the seats. I was so ashamed. I had done nothing wrong,....jsut didn't get recognized. As the eyars progressed, my insecurities abtou seeing myself get overlooked for different things made me very sad. One year a local leader got leader of the year jsut because she took on 14 meetings a week. Yet I KNEW I was a better leader. She rarely looked athte leader guide. Many weeks she didn't even know the asigned topic. SHe'd jstu pass out cookbooks and ask what you'd make if you had an extra 5 points for ht the day. She often wore bib orveralls or shorts or flip flops to lead and I saw that as quite unprofessional. I wore business suits liek somebody working at a bank might wear. My emetings were more fun and the memebrs alwayts tol me how I motivated them and they enjoyed mine more than any leader they'd ever had.
BUt he approval seeking was still there.
I also know many times I'd say YES to doing a project when I really didn't have the time..just hopeing people woudl like me.
DO you have a problem with approval seeking?
LIN
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.