The greatest fault...

[caressa]

The greatest fault of all is to be conscious of none.

Referring to my list again, I put out of my mind the wrongs others have done, and look at what my part is. (adapted from the AA Big Book, P 67)

- Pocket Sponsor

This was me in early recovery. I was visiting my friend who is living with me now. I said, "Now that I am not drinking, there is nothing wrong with me," and she proceeded to take my inventory for me. I was quite annoyed, but anger can be a great motivator and went home and added 6 more things to the list. I phoned my sponsor and she said, "Now find positive things to balance the negative." That was the hard part.

How can I know what to change if I don't know what is there? How can I change something I can't recognize or feel? It was a process for me. Took off the top layer, I inventoried things as they came up. I had used for so many years and stuffed things from the age of 3 when I saw my brother killed, so had a lot of practice, in shoving things down and now allowing myself to feel. I found that I had to feel it in order to be able to let it go.

[majestyjo]

Smiling, was just talking to that friend. She no longer lives me, but we are still friend and see each other. There have been times in my life when I had to detach from her. We met originally in treatment in 1991.

It still applies today. I may not use alcohol to stuff in today, but I can use other substance that don`t seem as harmful, but they become a drug when they do for me what alcohol use to do for me. One is hiding in my bed or running away from home to avoid addressing an issue in the moment. I was glad I made it to my Al-Anon meeting today. It reminded me to take my eyes off the alcoholic in my life and remember this recovering alcoholic and focus on my own recovery.