NAR-ANON WORKSHOP

[SunnyGirl]

Essence of Recovery's Nar-Anon Workshop

WELCOME NEWCOMERS

A special welcome to all that are new to Nar-Anon,
EOR is a wonderful place to begin your journey.

Nar-Anon is primarily for you who know or have
known a feeling of desperation concerning the
addiction problem of someone very near to you.

We have traveled that unhappy road too, and
found the answer with serenity and peace of mind.

When you find the Nar-Anon Group you are no longer
alone but among true friends who understand your
problems as few others could.

We hope to give you the assurance that no situation
is too difficult and no unhappiness is too great to be
overcome.


EXPLANATION OF THE NAR-ANON PROGRAM

• Nar-Anon is for your recovery. We learn to focus on
  ourselves, not on the addict.
  
  
• Nar-Anon is a spiritual program, not a religious one.
  We accept the idea that there is a higher power that is
  bigger and wiser than us, that we can turn to for help.
  
  
• Nar-Anon welcomes and gives comfort to newcomers.
  Newcomers receive a special packet of materials and
  phone list at their first meeting. (face to face meetings)
  
  
• Nar-Anon knows that drug addiction is a disease (the
  American Medical Association recognized drug addiction
  as a disease in 1955.) The disease is progressive and
  incurable. Nar-Anon helps relatives and friends of
  addicts whether or not the addict continues to use.
  
  
• Nar-Anon knows we are not responsible for the drug
  addiction. We did not cause it, we cannot control it, and
  we cannot cure it. If we do not learn how to cope with
  drug addiction, we will contribute to the disease.
  
  
• Nar-Anon members learn to detach from the addict
  but we continue to love them. We mind our own
  business.
  
  
• Nar-Anon does not give advice. We share our
  experience, strength, and hope. Our common bond is
  that we all know someone whose drug abuse bothers
  us. Sooner or later we each hear our own story and
  learn to laugh again. We know it will get better.
  
  
• The Nar-Anon program is based on its twelve steps
  and twelve traditions, its slogans, and the serenity
  prayer.
  
  
• Nar-Anon is a living program. We learn to change our
  attitudes. This cannot be done in a day or a week or a
  month. We keep coming back; we want to keep our
  own recoveries.
  
  
• Nar-Anon provides a path to serenity and peace of
  mind even if the drug situation does not change.
  
  
• Nar-Anon believes in sponsors. A sponsor is
  someone in a Nar-Anon group with whom a member
  identifies and develops rapport. We discuss personal
  problems with our sponsors between meetings.

[SunnyGirl]

The Principles of Nar-Anon are found in our,
Twelve Steps ~ Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts

Nar-Anon's Twelve Steps

• 1. We admitted we were powerless over the Addict --
  that our lives have become unmanageable.
  
  
• 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves
  could restore us to sanity.
  
  
• 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
  the care of God as we understood Him.
  
  
• 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  
  
• 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human
  being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  
  
• 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects
  of character.
  
  
• 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
  
  
• 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became
  willing to make amends to them all.
  
  
• 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible
  except when to do so would injure them or others.
  
  
• 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were
  wrong promptly admitted it.
  
  
• 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our
  conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only
  for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
  
  
• 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these
  steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice
  these principles in all our affairs.
  

Nar-Anon's Twelve Traditions

• 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal progress
  for the greatest number depends on unity.
  
  
• 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority-
  a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.
  Our leaders are but trusted servants -- they do not govern.
  
  
• 3. The relatives of addicts, when gathered for mutual aid,
  may call themselves a Nar-Anon Family Group, provided that as
  a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for
  membership is that there be a problem of addiction in a relative
  or friend.
  
  
• 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters
  affecting other Nar-Anon Family Groups, or NA as a whole.
  
  
• 5. Each Nar-Anon family group has but one purpose; to help
  families of addicts. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of
  Nar-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our addicted
  relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of
  addicts.
  
  
• 6. Our family groups ought never to endorse, finance or lend
  our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money,
  property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim;
  but although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with
  Narcotics Anonymous.
  
  
• 7. Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining
  outside contributions.
  
  
• 8. Nar-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-
  professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
  
  
• 9. Our groups, as such ought never to be organized, but we
  may create service boards or committees directly responsible to
  those they serve.
  
  
• 10. The Nar-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside
  issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public
  controversy.
  
  
• 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather
  than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at
  the level of press, radio, films, internet and other forms of mass
  media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all NA
  members.
  
  
• 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions,
  ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
  

Nar-Anon's Twelve Concepts

Just as freedom for the individual comes from the Twelve Steps
and freedom for the Group springs from our Traditions, so
freedom for the service structure flourishes from the Twelve
Concepts.

• 1. To fulfill our fellowship’s primary purpose, the Nar-Anon
  Groups have joined together to create a structure that develops,
  coordinates, and maintains services on behalf of Nar-Anon as a
  whole.
  
  
• 2. The final responsibility and authority for Nar-Anon services
  rests with the Nar-Anon Groups.
  
  
• 3. The Nar-Anon Groups delegate to the service structure --
  the authority necessary to fulfill the responsibilities assigned to it.
  
  
• 4. Effective leadership is highly valued in Nar-Anon. Leadership
  qualities should be carefully considered when selecting trusted
  servants.
  
  
• 5. For each responsibility assigned to the service structure, a
  single point of decision and accountability should be clearly defined.
  
  
• 6. Group conscience is the spiritual means by which we invite
  a loving Higher Power to influence our decisions.
  
  
• 7. All members of a service body bear substantial responsibility
  for that body’s decisions and should be allowed to fully participate
  in its decision-making processes.
  
  
• 8. Regular, two-way communications are essential to the fulfillment
  of all these concepts, and to the integrity and effectiveness of our
  services themselves.
  
  
• 9. All elements of our service structure have the responsibility
  to carefully consider all viewpoints in their decision-making processes.
  
  
• 10. Any member of a service body can petition that body for
  the redress of a personal grievance, without fear of reprisal.
  
  
• 11. Nar-Anon funds are used to further our primary purpose to
  carry the message, and must be managed responsibly.
  
  
• 12. In keeping with the spiritual nature of Nar-Anon, our structure
  should always be one of service, never of government.

[SunnyGirl]

CHANGING OURSELVES

Addiction is like a chain reaction. It is a disease that affects the
addict as well as family members, friends, and co-workers who
try to control, cover up, and take on the responsibilities for the
addict. The sickness spreads to those who care the most.

Eventually these people begin to feel used and unhappy. They
worry, lose trust, and become angry. The addict blames others
and then they feel guility. If only something or someone would
change!

When we discover Nar-Anon we find others with the same
feelings and problems. We learn we cannot control our addicts
or change them. We have become so addicted to our addicts that
it is difficult to shift the focus back to ourselves. We find that we
must let go and turn to faith in a Higher Power. By working
Nar-Anon's Twelve Steps, following Nar-Anon's Twelve Traditions,
and using the tools of the program, we begin, with the help of
our Higher Power and others, to change ourselves.

As we reach out for help, we become ready to extend a helping
hand and heart to those in need of Nar-Anon. We understand -
We do recover. Slowly new persons emerge. The change is
taking place.



ON FRIENDSHIP - NAR-ANON STYLE

"Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort
of feeling safe with a person, Having neither
to weigh thoughts, nor measure words -
but pouring them All right out - just as they are -
chaff and grain together

Certain that a faithful hand will take
and sift them --Keep what is worth keeping
And with a breath of kindness
-- Blow the rest away."



Dear God,

I am powerless and my life is unmanageable without your
help and guidance. I come to you today because I believe
that You can restore and anew me to meet my needs today.

Since I cannot manage my life and affairs, I have decided to
give them to You. I put my life, my will, my thoughts, my desires
and ambitions in Your hands.

I give You all of me: the good and the bad, the character defects
and shortcomings, my selfishness, resentments and problems.
I know that You will work them out in accordance with Your plan.

Such as I am, take and use me in Your service. Guide and direct
my ways and show me what to do for You. I cannot control or
change my friends or loved ones, so I release them into Your
care for Your loving hands to do with as You will. Just keep me
loving and free from judging them. If they need changing,
God You'll have to do it; I can't.

Just make me willing and ready to be of service to You, to have
my shortcomings removed, and to do my best. Help me to see
how I have harmed others and make me willing to make amends
to them all. Keep me ever mindful of thoughts and actions that
harm myself and others, and which separate me from Your light,
love and spirit. And when I commit these errors, make me aware
of them and help me to admit each one promptly.

I am seeking to know You better, to love You more. I am seeking
the knowledge of Your will for me and the power to carry it out.
Lord, teach me patience, and remind me that it is hard work, but
well worth the labor. Guide me in all I do to remember that
waiting is the answer to some of my prayers, and that when I
need You, You will be there to help me.

- - Amen

[SunnyGirl]

The Tools of Nar-Anon

NAR-ANON SLOGANS

FIRST THINGS FIRST
Much of our confusion and frustration is due to our failure to
deal with tasks and problems in the order of their importance.
It does take discipline to put aside the things(we) 'd rather do,
and attend to those of first importance first. But the rewards
are great: we get things done, we enjoy a sense of accomplishment,
and we learn to face issues with a real sense of value and purpose.

LIVE AND LET LIVE
Our only concern should be our own conduct, our own improvement,
0ur own lives. We are entitled to our own view of things, and
we have no right to inflict it on anyone else.

EASY DOES IT
When we come into Nar-Anon, burdened with the problems and
confusion, we are confronted with a bright light of hope. This may
tempt us to try too hard to learn, too quickly, all there is to learn
about the program. If we could only grasp the magic formula that
is doing so much for the others, we think. But alas, it is not magic,
but a philosophy of living, to be learned slowly and patiently, and
absorbed into our hearts and minds. When we approach each
meeting, each problem, each step, in a relaxed frame of mind,
what we need will come to us much more quickly than if we are
strained and hurried. Readjusting our lives and changing old habits
takes time, and easy does it best.

BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD
When we are resentful and embittered over an addict's behavior,
it is well to remind ourselves that the addict did not choose to
carry this burden of misery and despair. But for the grace of God,
we might have been afflicted by this sickness. Let us be thankful
that we have the blessing of sobriety, and be willing to help the
addict find this blessing, too.

LISTEN AND LEARN
There's something of value to learn from everyone you meet.
Look for it and use it

ONE DAY AT A TIME
Today is the most important day of your life. Use it. Forget
yesterday --- and don't worry about what might happen
tomorrow.

THINK
Hold back that rash word or thoughtless action. THINK about
ways to improve you. THINK before you make a decisions.

LET GO AND LET GOD
- Every day there are decisions to be made and problems to be
solved. When we notice irritations growing into tensions, tensions
into near-panic, and old fears returning, it is time to stop and turn
to God. We find that when we supply the willingness, He supplies
the power.


THE SERENITY PRAYER

GOD

• With the saying of this word, I am admitting the existence
  of a Higher Power, a being far greater than I.

GRANT

• With the repeating of this second word, I am admitting
  that this Higher Power is an authority that can bestow and give.

ME

• I am asking for something for myself. It is not wrong
  to ask for bettement for myself.

SERENITY

• I am asking for calmness, composure, and peace
  in my life, which will enable me to think straight and govern myself
  properly.

TO ACCEPT

• I am resigning myself to conditions as they are
  right now.

THE THINGS
I CANNOT CHANGE

• I am accepting my lot in life as it is. Until I have the courage
  to change any part of my life I don't like, I must accept it and not
  accept it grudgingly.

COURAGE
TO CHANGE

• I am asking for a quality of spirit to face conditions
  without flinching. I am asking for conditions to be different.

THE THINGS
I CAN

• I am asking for help to make the right decision;
  everything is not perfect in my life. I must continue to face reality
  and constantly work toward continued growth and progress.

WISDOM

• I am asking for the ability to form sound judgements
  in any and all matters.

TO KNOW

• I want to be able to understand clearly truths
  of fact.

THE
DIFFERENCE

• I want to see things differently in my life so there
  can be some distinction. I need to sense a definite value in love
  over selfishness.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

[SunnyGirl]

I have found a wonderful site that is especially good
explaining the concept of "setting boundaries", it's called
Joy2MeU.


Click on the link:

www.joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

Most of the information is taken from the book:
"Dance of the Wounded Souls"
Author: Robert Burney

The chapter: "Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self"
was especially useful to me in my own journey to recovery.

Hugs, Sunnygirl

[SunnyGirl]

DETACHMENT - THE KEY TO SURVIVAL

Overcoming the continual flow of one crisis after another caused
by addiction requires detachment. Here is how it has already
helped many in Nar-Anon.

We all want to be helpful, kind and caring people. For many of us,
that has been the hallmark of our character. We helped others,
especially the addict in our life, even when we had to sacrifice to
do it. When our addicted loved one had a problem, we were the
first to come to the rescue. If they were fired from their job,
arrested or simply sick from the drugs, we defended them, had
them released and nursed them day and night.

Even when they were hurtful to us, we overlooked the physical
and mental pain we suffered while we tried to help. Without
realizing it we became addicted to helping them regardless of the
consequences for them, for us or our family. Our lives where
centered on making things right, fixing all the problems and
carrying all the responsibilities. Our lives and happiness became
focused on what we did for the addict.

In fact many of us felt we had no life separate from our addicted
spouse, child or friend. Others could see this, but we couldn't, we
denied any suggestion along those lines.

Nar-Anon helped us see this destructive and compulsive behavior
for what it is--part of the family disease of addiction. Nar-Anon
also helped us understand and begin to use an important tool to
overcome this contributing part of the disease: DETACHTMENT

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It is simply a way of
beginning our own recovery program, and allows us to recover
from the devastating effects that living with the disease of
addiction has had on our lives.

Detachment is facing reality so we can look at our own situation
in a more objective and realistic way. By employing detachment,
we begin to create a positive chain of reactions which allow us to
make intelligent and constructive decisions.

When we disengage our emotions from the problems and addict
we love and care about, that's detachment. This doesn't mean
we walk away but rather we learn to see the cause and effects
objectively and unemotionally.

Detaching doesn't mean we stop loving or caring. We can still
love and care about the addict, we just have to do it in ways that
leave them free to solve their addiction and problems their using
created.

First we learn that we are not responsible for the illness or
actions of the addict.This is a critical point. As long as we
somehow felt we were responsible for their using or the
consequences of their using, we were trapped in the insanity
of the disease. Drug addiction ia a disease which the addict did
not set out to get, and neither they nor us have control over who
gets the disease and who does not.

We become aware that we are obsessed with another's behavior
and as we learn to let go we find that we can live our lives in a
more manageable, happier and constructive way. This doesn't
mean we have to live wihtout them it means we become aware
of and exercise our own individuality.

We learn in Nar-Anon:

• Not to allow ourselves to be manipulated or controlled by
  another person. Don't automatically react to things they do or
  say. Take time to take stock of all the facts and then mediate --
  your Higher Power will help.
  
• Not to accept others responsibilities each person needs to
  carry their share of burdens and responsibilies. As long as we
  take on the work load of the one we love, they feel free to go do
  something else without facing the consequences.
  
• Not to stand in the way to prevent a crisis; when they are sick
  from using, we don't say it's a cold. When they spend the car
  payment money on drugs we don't borrow money from our friends
  or relatives. As long as we continued to prevent a crisis, nothing
  changed or improved, we simply had a harder time finding solutions.
  
• Not to provoke a crisis; the next crisis is going to come in its
  natural time. Creating a new one only adds to the problems you
  face.
  
• Not to make excuses, cover up or take the blame for others; if
  they have done something wrong, we learn to let them suffer the
  consequences. Yes, there may be consequences for us and other
  family members too, but we learn the emotional cost for their
  action is not ours to pay.
  
• We care enough not to care; while this sounds harsh, we
  cannot continue to worry ourselves sick over what they are doing
  or what is going to happen next. We have our lives to live too
  and only if we can care enough not to care can we begin to have
  life of our own.
  
• Not to be personally offended by the addict. We can look past
  the drugs and see another human being who has the disease
  called addiction which is caused by drugs. We learn to be compassionate
  towards them without taking on shame because they have an
  incurable disease.
  
• Detachment brings us closer to our Higher Power because
  without help from God things are not really going to get better.
  
• What are the rewards of detachment? At first there may be
  pain, uncertainty and more worry. But in time the weight of
  carrying everybody's burdens will lighten. When we restrict our
  burdens to our share, life becomes easier to face.
  
• We begin to have some clarity on our thinking and reaction to
  problems. Clarity leads to peace of mind and the more we exercise
  detachment in our loving relationships the more peace we find in
  ourselves.
  
• Detachment begins to free us from the bondage we've been in
  for years. At last we can live without feelings of guilt or shame. In
  time, the feeling of insecurity or lack of self worth will fade and
  will be replaced with confidence.
  
• Detachment brings freedon and can eventually lead to a Sense
  of serenity. Achieving detachment is a slow process and one filled
  with triumph and pain. But this is where you get closer to your
  Higher Power.
  
• Detachment does not come easily or quickly. Most Nar-Anon
  members report better progress when they regularly attend
  meetings and work with a sponsor. By sharing our progress and
  setbacks with other members we gain new strength for the
  challenges ahead.
  
• Without the experience, strength and hope we learn from
  others, Detachment will likely remain a theory mentioned in a
  pamphlet. Building detachment as an element of your character
  takes effort and support. You can find that support in Nar-Anon

www.nar-anon.ca/Detachment.html
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Detachment is:

• Developing and maintaining a safe, emotional distance from someone
  whom you have previously given the power, to affect your emotional
  outlook on life.
  
  
• It’s the process by which you become free to feel your own feelings
  when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt
  to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
  
  
• It’s the ability to exercise emotional self-protection, so as not to
  experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on
  beyond a reasonable and rational point.
  
  
• It is the gift of allowing the addict to be who they "really are'' rather
  than who you "want them to be.''

In order to become detached from a person,
place, or thing you need to:

• Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person,
  place, or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or
  dependent on.
  
  
• Take back power over your feelings from persons, places, or
  things which in the past you have given power to affect your
  emotional well-being.
  
  
• "Hand over'' to your Higher Power the persons, places, and things
  which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on
  your own.
  
  
• Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by
  admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one
  person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity
  you need to let go of the "need'' to fix, change, rescue, or heal other
  persons, places, and things.
  
  
• Recognize that it is "sick'' and "unhealthy'' to believe that you have
  the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal, or rescue
  another person, place, or thing if they do not want to get better nor
  see a need to change.
  
  
• Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself and be "squeaky
  clean'' and a "role model'' of health in order for another to recognize
  that there is something "wrong'' with them that needs changing.
  
  
• Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame
  others for the way you feel.
  
  
• Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions,
  feelings, and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places, or
  things you can blame for your unhealthiness.
  
  
• Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are "sick'' behaviors
  and strive to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons,
  places, and things.
  
  
• Accept that many people, places, and things in your past and current
  life are "irrational,'' "unhealthy,'' and "toxic'' influences in your life, label
  them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative
  impact in your life.
  
  
• Reduce the impact of guilt and other irrational beliefs which impede
  your ability to develop detachment in your life.
  
  Practice “letting go” of the need to correct, fix, or make better the
  persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or
  power to change.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

LIVESTRONG.COM has an excellent article on
Developing Detachment

www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

Some of the material is repeated above but worth checking
out if you are having trouble detaching.....

[SunnyGirl]

PASSPORT TO FREEDOM

Nar-Anon is a fellowship for family & friends whose lives have been or are affected by
living with someone who uses drugs. Whether or not the addict admits they have a
problem and seeks help, the principles of Nar-Anon when applied can be of help to the
family as well as the addict

PURPOSE

The purpose of Nar-Anon is found in the 5th Tradition : to help families of addicts

We are all looking for an easy way out of this dilemma. It is up to each of us to decide
for ourselves if freedom from despair is worth the price we must be willing to pay. Most
of us believe that the gifts (rewards) of freedom and growth and happiness are worth
the price of acceptance. When we can accept the first step we get our first taste of
freedom. We are set free of our need to control the addict. Surrender to God's
guidance will cost us our self-will.

We can best help others by inspiring them to think through and solve their own
problems. We do not want to interfere with the life of anyone else, lest we deprive
them of the opportunity to sort out their own good qualities and on that stable
foundation build better, stronger personalities.

Nar-Anon is a selfish program, in the sense that we come to the meetings only to
improve ourselves. Our growth and our serenity depends upon our not dicussing the
shortcomings of others and not indulging in gossip or criticizing and condemning the
addict.

FOR THE NEWCOMER

The newcomer may find all this confusing at first. They may wonder how this can
possibly help solve their particular sitution. It will help to just sit and listen with an
open mind, and keep coming back. Even if you grasp only one thought you are on your
way to recovery. We are sick too. We may be overcome with guilt, feel it is our fault
they used. We didn't make them take that first drink, pill or fix. They had a choice and
they chose to use. The reason "why" is not important, that is their problem. Setting up a
specific "quiet time" for ourselves to meditate on one of the Nar-Anon slogans will help
us detach our mind from the problem at hand.

"Let Go And Let God"---------------------- "One Day At a Time"
" Easy Does It" -------------------------------- "Listen and Learn"
"Keep It Simple"----------"Think"-----------"Live and Let Live"

Nar-Anon has a treasure chest of tools to help us keep our minds channeled in the right
direction. A sincere effort in practicing the Twelve Steps can be a rewarding way of life
for the family whether the addict is in a recovery program of their own or is still an
active user.

IF THE ADDICT IS IN A RECOVERY PROGRAM

EXPECTIONS: Do not expect personal relations and differences to be ironed out
immediately. At this point we need to have understanding, patience and more
patience. Remember that they are now facing reality without the panacea of drugs. It
may have been a long time since they have had to do this. Don't be discouraged if
process is slow. Some of us have also been living for many years in this unhealthy
environment and think the situaton is hopeless. Have faith and be patient, there are
many success stories. You can be one of them.
KEEP COMING BACK

THE SERENITY PRAYER

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference

ONE DAY AT A TIME
Keep your mind on the present-today

"Some things there are that torment themselves a fresh with the memory of what is
past; others again, affict themselves with the apprehension of things to come; and very
ridiculously both-for the one does not now concern us, and the other not yet... one
should count each day as a separate life."--Seneca

A look at the past has value only if we keep it in proper prespective. We can change
our attitude towards the past and learn from it, and with the understanding we gain, we
can fashion the way we think and act today. The past can never be relived or rewritten,
it is part of us, but the past itself is gone.

We can and perhaps should make goals for ourselves. We can set up guidlines and
goals to give our lives a sense of direction. We have been wandering aimlessly, too
long concentrating our energies on another persons life. Now is the time to make our
own life useful and constructive.

DON'T MISS TODAY

"For Today, well lived makes Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness and every
Tomorrow a Vision of Hope"

The future is inevitable, whether we hover over it anxiously in worry or anticipation;
and it will probably be different than we expected.

[SunnyGirl]

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FAMILY

I am a drug addict. I need help.

Don't solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose
respect for you.

Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue---whether I'm
loaded or not. It may make you feel better, but it will make
the situation worse.

Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents
me from keeping them, even though I mean them at the time.
Promises are only my way of postponing pain. Don't keep
switching agreements; if an agreement is made---- stick to it.

Don't lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any
possibility of helping me.

Don't allow your anxiety for me---make you do what I should for
myself. Don't cover up or try to spare me the consequences of
my using. It may reduce the crisis, but it will make my illness
worse.

Above all, don't run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence,
my illness, gets worse an my using continues. Start now to learn,
to understand, to plan for recovery, Find Nar-Anon, whose
groups
exist to help families of drug-abusers.

I need help --- from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from an
addict who found recovery in Narcotics Anonymous, and from God

Signed: Your Addict

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Nar-Anon meetings are an invaluable source of support for those
who have a loved one who is addicted, and you will learn how to
look after yourself regardless of your addicted loved one's choices.

You can call the number below and locate a local meeting:

Nar-Anon World Services: 310-547-5800

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Do's and Don'ts

Nar-Anon's Principles

• Do... Note the effect the addict has on each member of the family.
  
• Do... Always encourage attempts to seek help.
  
• Do... Remember to see the good in others and yourself.
  
  
• Don't Accept guilt for another persons acts.
  
• Don't Nag, argue, lecture, or recall past mistakes.
  
• Don't Over protect, cover up or rescue from the consequences.
  
• Don't Neglect yourself or be a door-mat.
  
  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
  
  
• Don't Forget addiction is an illness, not a moral issue.
  
  
• Do... Allow other people to accept there own responsibilities.
  
  
• Don't Manipulate or make idle threats.
  
  
• Do... Involve yourself with the activities of NAR-ANON.
  
  
• Do.... Learn to be open and honest.
  
  
• Don't Yearn for perfection in yourself or others.
  
  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
  
  
• Do... Grow day by day, by reading NAR-ANON literature.
  
  
• Do.... Remember to focus on your OWN reactions and attitudes.
  
• Don't Overlook the growth opportunities of a crisis.
  
  
• Don't Under estimate the importance of release with love.
  
  
• Do.... Please try to manage your anxieties one day at a time.
  
  
• Don't Start the recovery program with the addict.
  Start with the family at NAR-ANON meetings and learn
  the difference between destructive and constructive help.

[SunnyGirl]

Let Go and Let God

To Let Go doesn't mean to stop caring;
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To Let Go is not to cut myself off;
it's the realization that I can't control another.

To Let Go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To Let Go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To Let Go is not to try to change or blame another;
it's to make the most of myself.

To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about.

To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another
to be a human being.

To Let Go is not to be in the middle arranging
all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect
their own destinies.

To Let Go is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.

To Let Go is not to deny, but to accept.

To Let Go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings
and correct them.

To Let Go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.

To Let Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To Let Go is to fear less and to love more.

~ Author Unknown ~

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[SunnyGirl]

Enabling

We have learned that addiction is an illness… not a moral
issue. It is a two-fold disease: A physical allergy coupled
with an obsession of the mind. It can be arrested but never
cured. It is similar in nature To diabetes in this respect. Only
complete abstinence, from the use of drugs and alcohol in any
form including medicine, can arrest this disease. We can no
more prevent the addict’s use of drugs than we can stop the
tubercular’s coughing. No one, not even the doctor, nor the
clergy, nor the family can do this for him or her. We have found
that compulsive use of drugs does not indicate lack of affection
for the family. It is not a matter of love but of illness. The
addict has lost the power of choice in the matter of drugs. Even
when he know what will happen when he takes the first drink,
pill or fix he will do so. This is the “insanity” we speak of in
regard to this illness. When we fully understand and accept that
addiction is a disease, that it is both mental and physical, and
that we are powerless over it, we become ready to learn a
better way to live.

What is enabling?

Enabling is doing for others what they are capable of doing for
themselves. When we enable addicts, we prevent them from
experiencing the consequences of their own actions. When we
do this, we discourage them from learning from their own mistakes.

This, in turn, prevents them from realizing they have a problem.
The addict has made drugs the focus of their daily activity, letting
responsibility and common sense fall by the wayside. When we
continue to do even the simple things for an addict we care
about, little is left to motivate them to enter or rediscover their
recovery?

How do we enable?

We enable addicts by doing things such as:

• Paying their bills
  
• Making car payments
  
• Covering bounced checks
  
• Paying bail
  
• Paying traffic tickets
  
• Making excuses for their behavior
  
• Changing appointments
  
• Calling employers on absenteeism
  
• Writing late or absentee excuses to schools
  
• Covering up for missed family functions
  
• Providing the addict with money, clothing, housing and food.
  
• Caring for the addict's family by allowing them to live with us
• Taking their children to school, babysitting, etc.

What does enabling do for us?


Enabling gives us a false sense of control. We do what society
tells us a "good" father, mother, husband, wife, son, daughter or
friend should do, but we are not getting the results we desire.
We feel frustrated and resentful. Because the addict's behavior
does not change, we think we have failed. Our actions, done
with the best of intentions, have back-fired.


What is the difference between
helping and enabling?

We need to look deep inside ourselves to determine the
difference between helping and enabling. "How do I feel
when I offer my help? What's in it for me?" Checking your
motives will help you decide when you are truly helping or
when you are enabling.

Can you enable an addict
(or anyone) who is not using?

We can enable anyone, using or not. Our enabling behavior
patterns are not directed solely toward the addict and/or the
addict's sobriety. Enabling deprives anyone of experiencing
the consequences of their own behavior.

Remember, when taking responsibility for our own behavior
each one of us must find our own path. Experience teaches
us that it is useless to lay out a path for someone else to follow.

[SunnyGirl]

Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have the right to ask for what I want

2. I have the right to. say no to requests or demands I can't meet.

3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.

4. I have the right to change my mind.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.

8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.

9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or prohlems

10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.

11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.

12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.

13. I have the right to feel scared and say '1'm afraid."

14. I have the right to say '1 don't know.

15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.

16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.

17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.

18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.

19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.

20. I have the right to be in a nonabusive environment.

21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

22. I have the right to change and grow.

23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others

24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect

25. I have the right to be happy.