We/I Program

[caressa]

Many people debate, many people say the program didn't work for them.

This is a short version of how it worked for me.

For me, this is a "we' program, we can do what I can't do alone, be it my Higher Power, my sponsor, my group, my friends and family.

The I a you say is honest. Recovery has to begin with me. It isn't what others did to me, it is about what I allowed others to do to me. It is about my choices and my decisions that brought me to the place that I am in today. It is my feelings and actions that I am responsible for. It is letting go of what is not mine, so much false guilt, hope and responsibility that i carried for so many years. So many secrets that I wasn't to tell, and most of them were not mine.

It is one day at a time program. It is about me and my recovery. It is about my disease. It is about finding my Higher Power and what He/She means to me. It is about my decision, am I willing to work the program, am I willing to turn my will and life into my God's care, am I willing to work the Steps. Am I willing to take my inventory and not everyone else's. Am I willing to share with my God, myself to find true self-honesty and to another human being. Am I willing to change to defects and shortcoming that have blocked me from my God. Am I willing to make amends, am I willing to follow through on them, and I willing to let them go if they will hurt someone else. Am I willing to work a daily inventory and look at my life and how I live in it today. Do I make that daily contact with my God. Am I willing to build a relationship with Him. Am I willing to align my will with His. Am I willing to work with others. Am I willing to get out of self, and the great I am, to help someone who comes behind me like the people before me took the time to help me on my journey.

Peace on your journey. May you ever walk in peace and with a heart of gratitude for what you have been given.

[justjo]

Don't know if it is because I have celebrated two Thanksgivings and Christmas is on the way, but have had a lot of gratitude.

It seems like I am noticing more and more, the little things in my life and more importantly, remembering to say Thank You.

Each day, I am thankful for being clean and sober. I remember all the years that I struggled and vowed never to do it again, but I did.

How many times, I prayed, "God get me out of this and I will ...."

How many times have I thought, "I don't need help, I can do it on my own."

How many times have I said, "This time it will be different, I will eat, I won't mix my drinks, I will get up and dance instead of sitting and just drinking, etc."

Thank you for being a part of my sobriety. Thank you for those who still struggle for carry the message to me that it isn't any better out there. Thank you to those who make it back in, it affirms that the program is the only way and you give me hope.

Attachments:

[majestyjo]

The promises are what kept me coming back, even though I didn't think I was an alcoholic. One day I realized, a drug is a drug and a lot of what the people were sharing about alcohol was how I felt when I was using and abusing my medication and became addicted to codeine. My doctor was giving me Tyenol 3s for pain, and I didn't realize it was codeine based. I just knew they were not working, so thought maybe I NEEDED MORE.

All I wanted was that promise of a new freedom and a new happiness. I still suffer from chronic pain and thanks to the program, I am aware when my pain is mental and emotional, not just physial, and I can pick up the tools of recovery.

As a long timer (34 years) said at a meeting recently, "This is a program of suggestion. You need to find out what works for you and work YOUR program. It may be your program, but the program doesn't work unless it is a 'we' program, we do it together. Everyone has a right to their own way of thinking and doing if it keeps them clean and sober." That really struck home with me. I had been beating myself up a little for not always agreeing with someone because they worked a program that I knew would not work for me. I realized a lot of people couldn't work my program because they were not willing to put the time and energy into it like I did. For me to use is to die and I had no option, I had to stay clean and sober. As I use to say in early recovery, "If they told me to climb a telephone pole and sit at the top for how ever many hours, I would have done it, if that is what it took to stay clean and sober. For me, one drug will take you to another. I have found that out over the years, new addictions would pop up and I would recognize them for what they were and applied the 12 Steps to them. i.e. computer, food, my sites on the internet, like building them but didn't like maintaining them, service, working with others and not addressing my own issues, being too busy looking outside of myself to make me feel good. Relationships were a killer and I had to go to my God for help.

[majestyjo]

Don't pick up. We can do what I can't do alone. Just for today, We/I choose not to use.