topic of the week- transforming our losses

[Lin]

There is an alanon book called t5ransforming our losses. We have many losses in our lives....losing friends and family when they die, loss of hopes and dreams for our loved ones and losses of money, friendships, yourth, health, etc.

We can look at each of these losses and let ourselves get dragged down and wallow inself pity or we can USE them to transform us. We can learn to move past the obstacles and move forward. Our lives can be blessed by each of these experiences.

There used to ba a very wise lady here in AA for many years. She always called it AFGO... Another Friggin Growth Opportunity...but sometimes she changed the F word to a more colorful one. We can take each of our losses and make them enhance our lives and learn from them.

How do you use losses to transform yourlife?

LIN

[caressa]

It was very late yesterday when I saw this and had to stop and think about this Lin. For many years, there was a lot of loss because our drinking and we moved several times. It seemed like a new place to live, and my husband was not someone who fixed things, so I was glad to move into a new place.

The only kind of permancy I had in my life was on the farm which I left at 17 years old. I remember a time in my life that I thought the world owed me favour and it was my turn to get a break. I worked hard but never seemed to get ahead. I later saw that a lot of what I worked for was take away by husbands. Sold the furniture I bought, didn't service the cars tha were mine and got sold as a dune buggy, a new living room set that my husband lied on in his work clothes after coming home from a machine shop.

It got to a place in my life I saw material things as 'stuff' and not having much value and was only taken away from you anyway. I didn't learn the true value of things in life until I came into AA. That borrows mattress on the floor was a gift from God. The blessing and friends that I met through the fellowship were priceless.

I have never had much, but what I did find was "if you have enough to feed one, you had enough to feed two." No one had to be alone, there was always room for one more. And things tasted and felt much better when they were shared.

A great topic, thanks for bringing it up. Will try to share more later. The eyes are not good today and having trouble seeing. Please excuse any spelling mistakes I missed.

[justjo]

Like this, if we are truly growing in our program, there will be pain. They say, no pain, no gain. Everytime there is a change in my life, I generally don't have to look far for the signs, that it time to move on and make changes in my life.

Sometimes it is because I have become complacent and other times it is because I have over etended myself, and I am back thinking I can be God to all peole and things and forget to take time for myself. It's not my job. First off, I have to give to myself, I have to top myself up and make sure I am spiritual fit. To do that, I need to have daily rations of food for the body, mind and spirit.

Growth at times can be painful, but worth seeking.

[Cherie]

Transforming our losses....

"While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others
are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil." -unknown

Feelings of loss are very personal, and only you know what
is significant to you. I think some people thought I was going
crazy when I grieved the loss of my "Sonny" for so long.....
This dog came into my life as a tiny puppy and was by my
side every single day for over 12 years. He never judged me
and he accepted me just the way I am.... he always had a
sloppy wet kiss for me when I needed it an was always by
my side. I still feel the loss today.....

My recovery losses were limited to old behaviors that I
certainly don't grieve for. I've never grieved or thought
about finacial losses at all.

Grief truly is a process of healing.... Being patient with the
process and allowing myself to feel the feelings of loss can
help me heal, but it just takes time..... Cherie

[justjo]

So true, we go through many losses, but they are all grievig processes. I doesn't have to be a death and the loss of a dear one. Any time we go though a change in our life, our body goes throught the cycle. Perhaps, in not such severe trauma, but the body does go through it be it subtle, gradual, and heart wrenching. I blamed myself for my grandfather's death because I was told to stay away from him and I went in to say hello, because he was alone and I wanted to see if he was alright. The next day he died. My brother died while I was calling to him and to get out of the way, and it was my fault because he was in my care at the age of 3. Everything that happened after that compounded the grief because as a child I was unable to grieve properly.

I was told in counselling that ever time you have a change in a diet, a change and detour on your way to work, a change in job, an old habit like quitting smoking, like stopping my drugs and alcohol, the loss of my two uncles, grandparents, and parents, the loss of two marriages and several relationships, the loss of my cars, and the list grows on and on. Through it all, I needed on thing. The God of my understaning to see me through it. A loving parent when availalble, a sponsor, a best friend, someone in my life, so that I don't have to go through it loe. When my son left to go to treatment, then left the city to go to Owen Sound which was a seven hour bus trip, which I could not take, and then he moved to Vancover, an impossible journey for me to make because of my disability

I am so grateful that God has been a constant and has seen be through all the trials and tribulations in my life.

[Lin]

One of my losses was what I call a 'normal childhood". I yearned for parents who woudl encourage me....a home were I was not ashamed to invite friends over. But we never knew what might happen with both parents being alcoholics who drank and fought all the time. I didn't become a recluse over it...instead I learned to go out and make friends and find fun ways to stay busy not at home. Another loss was having children. I wanted children all my life. We never had any. So I transformed that loss by being the best teacher I could be and hte best Aunt I coudl be. I transformed both of those losses and did OK with them!

LIN

[justjo]

Awesome Lin We can't always know what we have never been taught, but we can teach ourselves. I had very little self-confidence. I was very quite (I am sure that is a surprise to some), but I made myself get out there and socialize. Ironically, I always wanted to be a teacher. My parents didn't have the money and I was raised in the country and didn't know I could get school loans. The thing is, all my life, I taught on the job. It wouldn't always be my job that I would teach. A woman was going on holidays and she said to her boss, I am going if you get someone to replace me or not. There is only one person who can do the job. You have delayed so long, I had six weeks to lean the job, now she has only 2 weeks. I not only had to do her job but my own too. They called me Odd Job Jo! I loved it, but the I had an inquiring mind and always asking questions and wantng to know.